Help!

[myrishizu]

Hello everyone,

So I'm pretty new in the forum but it's been weighing on me and I don't know anyone to ask for advice so I'm posting it here. So if someone has some advice, please post!

Warning: long, long post ahead.

I'm turning 21, and she's 32 this year. We're both female. And we met on Second Life. I know, all the articles about the scary possessive stalker-ish relationships. Lol. :P It is pretty long distance, I'm from Singapore and she's in the States. That's half a world away!

It has been a year and a half. First four months of our meeting each other was bliss, I've never felt about anyone like this, that intensely before. And I'm very positive she feels the same about me.

As with all blissful and perfect things, I couldn't help but get insecure. We had quarrels and all. And that's when she distance or freaked out. And started not saying a thing. Since then, till now, I've been trying to get things back together like it did. And take a things further. Meeting in real life.

We haven't webcammed, but she's sent me videos of herself and her pup, and she's showed pictures. She is not the type of person to be open about putting her pictures or information on the internet. Even her Facebook isn't her real name. But we've exchanged a lot of real info about ourselves. Where we live, etc. No numbers though.

So, she can go for long times without talking to me, but when she does, after a few weeks, she has these outbursts of confessions when we do happen to talk, about how she doesn't know what to do, or how scared, and how she's sorry she has hurt me, a person she loves.

From there I assume that she still feels the same about me. Despite the very long time frame we haven't hung out. Just a very few times.

I had been waiting for her to make the first move, to come over. But it's been this long, and I've now decided to make the first move. I am trying to raise funds for this trip in March. I'm planning to go for 3 weeks. Its not easy because I'm still a student and because of how long this relationship has been, my friends are just not supportive anymore. Neither is my mom. But, I really do feel that this relationship could go so much more than that. And I'm not about to give in to negative comments people have about it.

So now the issue is, that, since me and her are not talking very much. And she appears to be scared of what might happen after we meet, scared about real love. Putting her heart into this.. insecure.

This makes it very difficult for me to feel safe about going. I can try my best to raise funds, buy a ticket and go. But I don't know how to plan, should I book a hotel? Should I go to her place based on the address I have? I've already told her but I'm not getting a response. Maybe it's still a little far and I haven't actually gotten the ticket.

But does anyone have any advice? I really don't know how to proceed from here. I greatly appreciate it.

Sharmaine

[Silviar]

You'll always wonder what if, if you don't take the risk for love. Go, plan a visit, and have a hotel room saved just in case. You can always cancel it if you want. That way you can stay safe and maybe she'll feel more secure too.

And if it doesn't work out - well, you did something pretty amazing, and I've no doubt you can still have a good trip without her.

Edited to add: Make sure she feels the same way you do about at least wanting to attempt a relationship and see what happens. If she doesn't want a relationship or completely blows you off when you try to talk about it, that's your answer.

[Zephii]

You need to be on the same page before you buy that ticket. You need to be sure of your welcome and to do that you need to work on your foundation of trust. Perhaps it is too soon for a visit, simply because of the large gaps in time where you two do not talk. I think you's need to do a lot more talking and planning before you buy the ticket, or at least, buy a ticket for six months in the future.

Also, find out the information on your country's embassy in her country and have enough money saved up incase something goes wrong. And please, please, webcam with her at least once before you get on that plane. I'm all for international love and taking risks - been there, done that - but you need to be smart about it too.
Best wishes!

[Silviar]

Listen to that Zeph chick, she's a smart woman.

[Zephii]

Stop blowin' smoke up my arse jks

[Teakany]

fully agree with zeph, at least webcam once before you go. you have to be careful.

[myrishizu]

Hey everyone!

Thank you for your fast encouraging replies!

Silviar: We've talked about the relationship thing a lot and talked a lot about the future. Whenever I go mad from no talks a long time and go on a rampage and asks if she wants a break up, she never replies. But she always makes her presence known and baits me a lot, even though she won't reply. Her analytical self over thinks things and it just drags, during those analytical moments she withdraws into herself that's why she always seems so distant. I feel like she's so lost between her thoughts and her feelings. And only very long periods of not messaging her, will she take the initiative and say a Hi.

Zephil, Teakany, Silviar: I'll try ask her for the webcam soon. I think she bought one a little after when I bugged her in the past because her Gmail has the video thing. When previously she didn't have it.

She's stubborn! I hope all goes well! Again, thank you for all the quick replies and well wishes!!

[Moon]

I dunno, something about this just....doesn't seem right. I'd be very careful and most definitely make hotel arrangements. Do not surprise her, this is going to be a very expensive trip if its unwanted, or it turns out that the address she gave you isn't exactly legitimate. If it were me, and I was going to another country by myself, I'd want a LOT more information and communication and I'd especially want to know what she feels the status of the relationship is. Please be careful with this and stay safe.