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**Miramaid** · January 30, 2011, 12:13 PM

Yes. I do think sometimes that may be it is better to end it. When I think THAT, it is scary. But what scares me EVEN MORE is if we lets say stay in a relaitonship for a couple of years or more and then he will say that he had found someone closer, or that he wants to move on and doesn't see us together any more. That scares me even more.
It is especially hard because we have no idea when we will be able to be closer.

**Sarah9908** · January 30, 2011, 12:20 PM

I think you need to decide what you want. If your parents don't like it, I hate to say it but, they'll have to suck it up and get over it. I plan to move about 1200 miles in a couple years when I have the money to do so. My entire family was completely against it at first, and I was devastated. If you love your SO, and you can not live without him, and you want to move to be with him, stick to that. Don't give up on your dream. Even if your parents don't give you support there, there's always a large group of people here ready to support you. Keep your chin up

Decide what you want, and whatever that is, go for it. If it means moving to Australia, then focus on when that will happen. If it means ending things with your SO, then end it. Go with your heart -- not with the reactions of people around you

**Dziubka** · January 30, 2011, 12:26 PM

What is it exactly that your parents are angry about? Is it you having a boyfriend in Australia? The possibility of you moving there? Quitting/neglecting school because of him?
How old are you (if you don't mind me asking)?

It's sometimes hard for parents to accept that their kids are growing up and going their own ways. Maybe they feel because they have put so much effort into their kids, they somehow have a right to decide about their lives. But no matter how hard it might be for them, they have to learn that children grow into adults who have their own lives. It takes effort from the children's side too, though.

Try to make it clear to them, that you will not be out of their lives, even if you end up moving away. Tell them that just like you're now keeping in contact with your boyfriend, you will keep in contact with them. They will not lose you, only because you'll not be physically near.

**nic&matt** · January 30, 2011, 12:35 PM

I feel like I might be to unexpirenced to answer and I haven't been together as long as you and your SO have, but I'm sure the more time you've been together makes it that much harder. I've had those thoughts to. I hate that feeling more than anything but when I keep it inside, my SO just knows and gets it out of me. Even though it's hard for him to hear how I feel, he's usually the only one to talk me out of my nonsense. Try sharing what you're feeling with him, I'm sure he's had scary moments also.
As for the parents, I completely understand that also! My parents want me dating more people. They think it's unhealthy to only date once in your life because you don't "get the expirence". For me though, my parents will argue until they see otherwise and it's just my goal to make them see what I see. They are already getting a little softer. Every once and a while I just say something small (as not to overwhelm them) and let it soak into them. Just try to show them what you see. As parents, they just want to see you happy and safe.

The best of luck. I'm sure this is really, really hard. Keep all of us updated on how you're doing!

**KiwiLove** · January 30, 2011, 12:52 PM

What is it exactly that your parents are angry about? Is it you having a boyfriend in Australia? The possibility of you moving there? Quitting/neglecting school because of him?
How old are you (if you don't mind me asking)?

They are scared to lose their only child, to go somewhere where i wont earn as much money as i earn here. They think living in AUS isnt good as in Switzerland...and they think he has another girl.

**LadyEcstsasy** · January 30, 2011, 01:21 PM

I've had thoughts like that a lot, in fact just had a bad case of it just a few days ago. Long story short, my SO's parents hate me and are doing everything they can right now to prevent me from seeing him it seems. (Kind of like how your parents don't want you to move to Australia, his don't want him to spend time with me). There's a lot of stress because of some bad decisions both of us have made that are making our relationship very difficult and I know that even with we get through this - there's going to be more problems later. I was so close to wanting to walk out and end it, find someone local so I wouldn't have to deal with all the distance (Between this relationship and the one before it, I've been doing distance for nearly a year and a half).

I attribute this feeling of hopelessness to depression a lot, I've been diagnosed with it since I was a young teenager. This may not be your case. But what I would suggest would be to take a long time thinking over this. Like the others have said, figure out what you want most and go for it. If you don't go for what you really want, who knows, you could spend years regretting it.

**Dziubka** · January 30, 2011, 01:47 PM

I think you basically have two options.
We don't know your parents, nor what kind of relationship you have with them. But can you try to explain to them? You're their only child, so they love you. If they love you, they want you to be happy. At this point, you're not happy without your SO. You could stay and be unhappy, or move and be happy. You'll not be out of their lives. They could fly out to see you and you can promise to come home as often as possible. dmittedly, I know nothing abou the economic situation in Australia, but it's not some third world country, where you'll have to sell bananas or work on field to make a living. So you might end up earning less than you would at home, but what's a few hundred €/SFR/Au$ more each month, when you're unhappy?

The other option, if talking and explaining doesn't work is:
You could avoid talking about your relationship with your parents, try not to touch the topic and to end it fast when it comes up. Tell them you don't want to talk about it and there's nothing to discuss - oh and it has been getting really cold lately hasn't it? And the neighbours aparently got a new dog! (you get the idea...)
After all if you're not an adult now, you'll be one by the time you move away, so there's really nothing they can do and they can't keep you at home. It's not an easy way and it'll not ease the tension. Your relationship is really none of their business.
Parents sometimes have problems accepting these boundaries. I love my boyfriend's mum and as far as mums (in law) go, she's perfect and I wouldn't trade her for anythig. But sometimes when we skype or even when I'm staying at their's, she'll stay in his room, sit down with us and be like "Oh, but I've missed you A LOT. I'll just stay with yous a little!!!!!" and while I really love to her and enjoy spending time with her, sometimes it's just like "ok, but I'm calling/here to be with your son. I love you, but... I'd like some time with him."....

**KiwiLove** · January 31, 2011, 02:10 AM

I think you basically have two options.
We don't know your parents, nor what kind of relationship you have with them. But can you try to explain to them? You're their only child, so they love you. If they love you, they want you to be happy. At this point, you're not happy without your SO. You could stay and be unhappy, or move and be happy. You'll not be out of their lives. They could fly out to see you and you can promise to come home as often as possible. dmittedly, I know nothing abou the economic situation in Australia, but it's not some third world country, where you'll have to sell bananas or work on field to make a living. So you might end up earning less than you would at home, but what's a few hundred €/SFR/Au$ more each month, when you're unhappy?

The other option, if talking and explaining doesn't work is:
You could avoid talking about your relationship with your parents, try not to touch the topic and to end it fast when it comes up. Tell them you don't want to talk about it and there's nothing to discuss - oh and it has been getting really cold lately hasn't it? And the neighbours aparently got a new dog! (you get the idea...)
After all if you're not an adult now, you'll be one by the time you move away, so there's really nothing they can do and they can't keep you at home. It's not an easy way and it'll not ease the tension. Your relationship is really none of their business

Back in october I took all of my courage and told them everything. It stressed me so much going to work everyday and having those thoughts in my mindabout "should I tell today, tomorrow, next weekend?". When I told them my mum walked away shoutint to me and saying she couldnt cope with it if her only daughter/child would live on the other side of the world. My relationship to my parents is very close. Due to the thing that Im an only child my mother is like a friend and as a mum shes very good! She does everything for me! And I do very much appreciate all the things my parents are doing for me!!

I dont know...they just cant let go, thats the problem.
And my problem is, that Im really scared to start another disscusion about my plan because I know they flip out completly!!

One day I thougth maybe I write them a letter? So its all written down what I was going to say and no one could interrupt me.
My mum did that aswell. When I returned home from Australia last march she wrote me a card a couple months later about the thing that I still have my "friend" in Australia and that she doesnt know him, but she believes he is a good boy. But she doesnt want me to go away and that shes scared about it.

I dont know what to do...I really dont and that stresses me so so much.
My contract of my current work is over end of march. My plan was to move in late april.
The student visa which I have to apply for will be ready in about a week. So there is no problem...but yes...I wished it would all work out and that I will finaly have a happy life like I WANT

**Stina83** · February 1, 2011, 01:21 PM

Oh man.. this is tough, I'm sorry you're going through this. All I can really tell you is to stick with your dream! It does sound like you WANT to be with your SO, and not that you're having second thoughts because you don't love him anymore. So seriously, stay with him. Your parents are going to have to deal with the fact that you're an adult at some point. This is really hard for parents, but that's just the way it is. You have to think about yourself with this, it's your life, and your parents need to support you and be happy that you're happy. I think you might want to talk to them about this and how you're feeling hurt because they don't support you. Of course it's understandable that they don't want you to move, but it's not like they'll never see you again. So yeah, I think you should have a long talk with them about this.

**Mara** · February 1, 2011, 01:44 PM

Unfortunately, I think we all have to make some decisions in life that our parents don't agree with/don't understand. I'll be moving to my SO as well. Not for about another 10 months for me and I won't be moving countries as you will, but I will still be a great deal away from my family and friends. Thankfully, I've been preparing my mother for this for the past year. I know she'll be sad when I go and I'll be sad as well, but she understands why I have to do this. I think what might have helped my mother too is the fact she knows my SO pretty well. They've met a few times and have had some time to talk, even on the phone. Do you think it might help your parents feel better if they were to get to know him a bit better?

**KiwiLove** · February 2, 2011, 01:38 AM

Do you think it might help your parents feel better if they were to get to know him a bit better?

Yes I think that would help all of us who are involved very much. But my parents cant speak english and we didnt have the chance to make some time to be together. I have a temporary work position for half a year and its finish at the end of march. I had only two weeks holidays, over Christmas.

Two weeks are very short for someone who has to travel from the other side of the world and also pretty expensive. My father wanted to make a compromise with me. (Because we had a real bad argue my mother, father and me last october). I was crying like mad because it took all of my strenght to fight for me and my SO.
He said he could come for my birthday (21 dec) and over Christmas/NewYear. But my mother said no.

Im not sure what I have to do now.
All this puts a lot of stress on the relationship with my SO.

I thought about to write them a long letter?! So I can tell and explain everything? I dont know.
Or just start to organise visa and flight?

**Sarah M** · February 4, 2011, 08:22 AM

I don't know what I can say that will help, but you have my support. I hope things work out for you!!!

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