okay, so i need some advice from you guys. before my SO and i started dating i didn't have much of a life. i was very depressed having been laid off from my job due to the crappy state of the economy. it was the first job i had ever been let go from, so it hit me pretty hard. not only that, but i had to move from the city, back to my rural hometown and in with my mother and elderly grandmother. i love them to death but its not the easiest of living situations. on top of that, finding another job in my field has proven to be fruitless. so, basically i was in a bad place when we got together. we both were trying to pull ourselves out of depressions, which we've made great progress at. the only problem is, i feel like i've become too engrossed in him.
at first i found myself thinking "oh i love him more." or "i miss him more than he misses me" or "this relationship means more to me than him." then i realized that none of this is true. he loves me, he misses me, and this relationship means a hell of a lot to him. that's when i realized that i've lost some of my independence and sense of self. i like to think he's ignoring me but the facts are that he is out living his life. having dinner with friends, working, visiting with his family, helping his dad fix a car... things i should be doing too, instead of worrying about where he's at or what he's doing.
i only thought i was more invested in the relationship because i have reached a point where instead of picking my life back up and starting fresh with him after my depression, i simply latched on to him like he's some sort of life preserver instead of a human being. i let him become the center of my reality and the truth is i still don't have a life and its eating away at all the progress i've made towards overcoming my depression. i know its not healthy to lose one's idea of "self" in a relationship. it can be quite destructive. and i'm ready to fix that. so ready. i just need help. i'm trying to spend more time with my family instead of locked away in my room drawing or texting my SO and i'm going to try to make a conscious effort to go hang out with my friends more than once a month.
but any advice you guys can offer would be greatly appreciated. perhaps you've found yourself falling into the same sort of situation? if so, i'd love to know what you did to help yourself get out there and start living again.
thanks in advance
at first i found myself thinking "oh i love him more." or "i miss him more than he misses me" or "this relationship means more to me than him." then i realized that none of this is true. he loves me, he misses me, and this relationship means a hell of a lot to him. that's when i realized that i've lost some of my independence and sense of self. i like to think he's ignoring me but the facts are that he is out living his life. having dinner with friends, working, visiting with his family, helping his dad fix a car... things i should be doing too, instead of worrying about where he's at or what he's doing.
i only thought i was more invested in the relationship because i have reached a point where instead of picking my life back up and starting fresh with him after my depression, i simply latched on to him like he's some sort of life preserver instead of a human being. i let him become the center of my reality and the truth is i still don't have a life and its eating away at all the progress i've made towards overcoming my depression. i know its not healthy to lose one's idea of "self" in a relationship. it can be quite destructive. and i'm ready to fix that. so ready. i just need help. i'm trying to spend more time with my family instead of locked away in my room drawing or texting my SO and i'm going to try to make a conscious effort to go hang out with my friends more than once a month.
but any advice you guys can offer would be greatly appreciated. perhaps you've found yourself falling into the same sort of situation? if so, i'd love to know what you did to help yourself get out there and start living again.
thanks in advance
For about 8 years now I've been depressed on and off and been on antidepressants on and off too. Right now I'm off the antidepressants, but I'm still battling with the depression every day. Sometimes I have really bad days and I can barely get out of bed and just cry a lot. Other days are better for reasons I don't know. I try to keep myself busy as well. Actually my life is already really busy as I'm in school doing my master's and work a lot too. Almost every day I wake up in the morning feeling so down and not wanting to get out of bed. But I always force myself and once I'm out it usually goes a lot better. So for me it's important to see and interact with people every day, even when I don't want to. I also try and work out most days, I either run or do weight training, but even walking is fine too. I'm definitely a fan of natural ways that you can improve your mental health and seretonin levels and I've done a lot of research on this. I take vitamins every day, try to eat as healthy as I can (sometimes that doesn't go too well though lol), I try to get as much sunlight as possible, and things like fish oil (omega 3) is supposed to help too. I also try to do things that I used to enjoy, like cooking, read recipes, write in my journal (for me that helps a lot too) and things like that. Depression is such a vicious cycle, because it makes you want to stay home and away from people, but I find that the only thing that works is to break out of that cycle no matter how hard it is. Just take little steps and do one little thing a day, like make a lunch date with a friend, go for a walk with a friend or something like that. Make sure you don't overdo it too, so you won't get overwhelmed.
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