Feeling Pretty Low...

[bluefinch604]

Ack... So it's only been a little less than a week before he left and I feel so awful... Everyone around me seems to have a negative view of my situation. "Are you sure you want to do this?" "Maybe you should find someone local"... I am plagued with doubts about this. I care about him, but we're so new to each other, sometimes I doubt whether this is worth all the pain of missing him... I don't want to spend my time listening to sad 80's ballads, looking out a rainy window...

I truly adore him and I want to make this work, but I feel like I need reassurance that he feels the same way. He's voiced his concerns to me before about the "complexities" of long distance relationships. He did say that he plans to move back to Vancouver to be with me next November. I'm feeling very needy at the moment. I don't want to push him too much though... How do I get some reassurance from him without being too pushy? I don't want too many doubts to enter into our relationship, but I am feeling like I need to know how he's feeling about things... Or maybe I should just back off and the doubts will subside in time?

I want to know... How much does he care about me? How seriously is he taking this relationship? These are very difficult and uncomfortable questions that I'm not sure I want to ask him so soon... Uhhh maybe I'm not cut out for this... Help!!!

[Mio]

Oh, I'm sorry. I was there at the begging of our relationship too. But eventually it got better, it takes a little time to get it running. My boy used to talk about the complexities too, about how it could be negative, etc, and every time he said those things I felt so bummed, as I accepted the LDR situation before he did. I would only tell him in those days tat if he thought an LDR was too much for him, then he had a decision to make, because as much as I loved him I couldn't be with a man that I knew was unhappy or uncomfortable. When I said that to him he woke up, and stopped talking about the complexities. Maybe you can tell him that you understand the differences or the 'complexities' about LDR's and that is good that he is thinking about it because it's a sign that he cares, but that every time he talks about it it makes you feel sad. Be honest about your feelings.

Best wishes!

[Kitty]

I would have to say I can't really give any advice on this one. My own situation would be the exact opposite. when Brandon had first asked me about a relationship between us I was hesitant on saying yes and told him so and why because LDRs I thought were a 'works out once every million years' type of thing, that it wouldn't work out. However I am very glad to have been wrong. So far, so good...and I wouldn't have it any other way. I really hope everything turns out great with you two. Just try talking it out with him as Mio said. Things just seem to work better when you talk them out instead of keeping them to yourself. Try and figure out what he is having problems with and help him dissolve those doubts and fears....if all else fails, try to get him to come to LFAD if he hasn't done so and we all can help here.

[bluefinch604]

Thank you both for the advice. It helps. What I'm scared of the most is that he won't want to keep in contact as much as I do. Maybe I'm a bit needier in that department than he is... how often do you stay in touch with your SO? Do you find that you need more or less attention than he does? I want to bring up this issue with my SO, but I don't want to push it too much. I should probably give him a chance to get settled. He's been gone for a week and still has no Internet set up in his place. We've talked on the phone once, I've sent a few emails, and we have texted back and forth. I'm feeling like I need more attention from him. Maybe I will just give it time...

[kasia516]

that sounds a lot like how mine was when we started. we dated for two days before i left (we met while i was visiting my sister in england). neither of us knew if it would work out but we decided we liked each other enough to want to try it. my friends were very very unhelpful. i got a lot of negative feedback from them, which hurt a LOT. people called me crazy and asked me how it would work and told me there are plenty of guys at home, but i wanted this guy, even if he was in england. now 7 months later no one calls us crazy. we talk everyday and send loads of emails, but we werent like that at first.
it does get easier. i would say to at least try the long distance thing. i find that we're a lot closer than other couples that are CDR, because all we can do is talk, so we learn so much about each other.
i had loads of doubts at the beginning when we started, but i figured i could just try it, if it wasnt working then i could get out of it. im so glad i stayed, we had our hard moments, but its been worth it.
there are still days that im sad and miss him so much, but he always cheers me up when we talk, and i know in the end it will be worth it. i figure if we can make it thru this, we can make it thru anything.
i would also def say im needier in the contact department than him, but he knows that and he understands and he loves it when i spam his inbox. at first i hated emailing him more than once a day, but now i email him loads. it takes some time to find out how often you'll talk to each other and how you'll communicate. we had two other close friends in long distance relationships at the time as well, and we compared ourselves to them at first, but then realized we were our own couple and had to figure it out ourselves.

[bluefinch604]

Thank you. This is incredibly helpful advice! I talked to him last night and just now again. He's in Egypt right now, riding a camel, LOL. I was feeling quite low these past few days, but like you said, I decided to just try it and see what happens. I'm so glad I found this website because I feel like none of my friends understand what I'm going through. I just have to ignore their negativity and stray true to what I believe. I believe that faith is so important, especially in an LDR. It's easy to get discouraged. I'm so lucky that I found this website - it's helps to talk to people who are actually going through the same thing. I can relate to feeling like I spam him Inbox sometimes, LOL. But I know that he appreciates these message, because it shows him that I care. I was just getting into "over analyzing" mode because it's new and scary. But afte rall, he does really care about me. He got really teary eyed when we were saying goodbye at the airport. I should just sit back and enjoy! Thanks so much for the helpful advice! I am learning, slowly, day by day it gets easier... :-)