Looking for advice because my friends are being discourteous about my LDR...

[MusicalJuliet]

I have been in a long-distance relationship for a year and half now with a man whom I am deeply in love with and whom I which to spend the rest of my life with. We have known each other for six years outside of that.

I am a college student and my two closest girl friends are dating boys who also go to our college. One girl is my roommate and her boyfriend is constantly in our room hanging out. It didn't bother me before because they were very careful not to be overly affection with each other around me but now they are much bolder and I constantly feel like a third wheel - I've been leaving my room for hours at a time just to avoid being around them. I've been "sexiled" from my room countless times because they just can't keep their hands off each other.

The other girl expects everyone to love her boyfriend as much as she does and wants us all to sacrifice huge amounts of time to do things for him and with him. She doesn't shut up about him and whines to NO END about the fact that she doesn't get to see him on Sundays.

When I point out that I don't get to see my boyfriend for months at a time, they both tell me that "That's different, because you are used to not being able to see him so it doesn't hurt as much" when it hurts a hell of a lot more, especially when I have to deal with these couple making out around me and talking about their sexcapades. They treat my relationship like it's not as legitimate because it's long distance. It's hard enough to be in a long-distance relationship without my "friends" flaunting their relationship in my face and acting like my relationship doesn't count. I don't know what to do, I'm constantly on the verge of tears and angry all the time now - I'm never like that. I hate this, but I don't know what to say to them to be kind but at the same time make it clear that they are being hurtful!

[nerdgirl]

I've had that same kind of thing happen to me, when it did i tried to tell her that it bothered me. after that they backed off a bit you just have to let her know how much it really bothers you and if she really is a friend she will try to be sympathetic to your situation..

[LadyEcstsasy]

I've been in a situation similiar to this (although, minus the long distance part. I actually wasn't dating anyone at the time which was something I was insecure about) My first piece of advise would be to get a new roommate. She may be a great "friend" , but no matter how great she is, you paid for half that room yourself and are entitled to use it and feel comfortable in it. I struggled for two semesters with this before I finally got fed up and got a new roommate. Waiting so long also caused irrepairable damage to our friendship. If you want to stay friends with them the best thing to do is just tell them how you feel, be honest. Dr. Seuss said - "Be who you are and say how you feel because those who matter won't mind and those who mind don't matter."

If you're looking for a "nice" way of saying, maybe try something like, "Look, I know you love your boyfriend so much, but I'm having a hard time concentrating and I don't appriciate being kicked out of my own room, or taken away from things I need and want to do. I still want to be friends, so I'm hoping we can work out a compromise, I'm just really hurt right now and frustrated." Maybe suggest you do a girl's only night to break the news to them about what's been bugging you.

I wish you the best of luck and hope your situation turns out better than mine did.

[Alisz]

After being in a few LDRs I have this theory that one can't truly relate to just how hard being in a LDR can be if they've never done it. The reason is because everytime I've tried to explain my relationship to someone who's never experienced LDR I get the same response... "But that's your fault for getting into a LDR." As if it was my choice! lol You don't choose who you fall in love with... But for whatever reason that's difficult for them to understand.

I have friends just like that. One in particular that pretty much said what yours did constantly. The whole, "Oh, but you're used to it." thing doesn't equal less pain. I don't even know how that makes sense. I've also heard, "Oh, it's not a real relationship anyways." when I've wanted to talk about something upsetting. It is very frustrating.

I actually just spend less time with her when she's with her boyfriend. Although, it's difficult because she was always with him. It was just clear to me that she didn't get it. Sure, she was sympathetic sometimes, but it'd always come back around to I was doing it to myself and wasting money. :/ I also don't talk to her much about my relationship (good and bad). It sucks, but it's better than hearing her tell me it's not real and try to set me up with her boyfriend's friends... So, maybe as LadyEcstsasy suggested, you might want to consider a new roommate and just hang out with her friends sans boyfriends. It's clear by what they're doing their not respecting you or your relationship.

[BabyGund]

1. Tell your roommate and her BF to take it to his room or get a hotel.
2. Find new friends and stop hanging out with these two so much.

[Zephii]

Well, the thing is.. It's her room too. She has every right to have him there and to spend time with him. If they are getting a bit too friendly you can simply tell them that there are some things you don't need to see... same as when they tell you about their sexcapades. Laugh a little and tell them you don't want to hear it. Then refuse to listen to it.

When you live in close quarters with other people, you need to develop new ways to have enough of your own space and privacy. Noise canceling headphones could be a start with that. Try to keep yourself occupied and ignore them. Just because you're in the same place as people physically doesn't mean you need to be there mentally.

With the other friend, just say no. If you don't want to hang out with her bf, or do things with her for him, say so. You might see her less, but that's just who it goes unfortunatly.

[Riyko]

With the roommate, you both live there, but it sounds like you need to make some ground rules. While yes she can have him over whenever it's also not fair to you because you have to leave the room so they can have sex. You need to come up with an agreement on how often she can have him over and if she has him over while you are there, there needs to be some limits to what they do, instead of making you feel like a third wheel and being affectionate you guys should do something together.