Uh oh... bad sign?

[lucybelle]

NOT A BREAKUP STORY I promise

Just now my SO and I were skyping. He said "I don't need anything else in my life. Just you." I can't say the same about him. I don't need him, I want him. I like him being around and he makes me feel good. I need to travel the world, live out my life a bit, and honestly I'd do it with or without him. One of the reasons I love him is that he says he'll follow me to wherever I decide is next. But if one day he won't move... I know I still will.

Is this a bad sign? Or is it a good thing knowing I have my own desires in life? This realization sort of made me feel less dedicated than him, and it made me feel a little bad.

[snow_girl]

Your whole life shouldn't revolve around someone. You need to have your own ambitions and goals in life. What if you broke up and you only focused on that one person and all of the sudden he was gone? You'd be lost. I am the same as you I want my boyfriend, I don't need him, doesn't mean I love him any less. Don't sacrifice something you want to do just because they don't want to go along with it. If that day comes then it comes, I wouldn't want to live the rest of my life knowing I could have been doing something I loved but chose not to to stay with someone who didn't understand the passions I had

[OliveOyl]

hm, i am the same way, kinda. My SO looovees how much of a free being I am. he knows I have my career goals, my travel goals, etc. I have my eye on my own goals, but he does too. And that is why closing the distance is nowhere in sight! jaja, what is fun is trying to combine our goals (like me finding a credential program in his state ) I Dont think it is a bad sign at all! Because I think it is smart and inspirational that you are so independent in your relationship! I am always so proud of myself that I have my own goals in life, and I have the security to not be so dependent on another person. It is just nice that you have a partner that is willing to go where you go. just enjoy life hun!

[Miramaid]

I do not know...liking someone and loving someone to me are two different things. Yes it is great to have your own goals and dreams, but one day you may have to make a choice: him or something else. And looks like right now it would not be him, but would be something else. Is it bad? I do not know. No one can tell you who to love and what to do and what is important for YOU.

[Brandie]

Well thinking in my case, I do need my SO, he makes me a better person, he lifts my spirits, and he always make me feel good and happy like no other person can. I do have my own hobbies, but none that I would choose the hobby over him.

[London-FortCollins]

Hmm interesting one. For me I do need my SO. But not in a co-dependent way. I still have my own career, relationships and hobbies. But if one day I had to choose, I would hope in the first instance that there was some compromise, and if not - I would choose him. I would always choose him. For me thats what love is.

But at the same time I dont believe that MY opinions are feelings are necessarily "right" I sometimes have an 'idealistic' view of love.

I think its very healthy to not have your entire life revolve around your SO. Everyone needs other aspects to their lives, even if their SO are the most important aspect.

Only you know your relationship and if this is right for the two of you - then thats ok!

Sorry...maybe thats not too helpful!

[mllebamako]

Hmmm....
I don't NEED my SO as if I would lay down and die if he wasn't in my life. But I WANT him so much to the point where I would sacrifice a lot to be with him. In my mind, we are already married and there are certain sacrifices both people make when you're committed like that. I consider him when I'm making any decision. Luckily, we are supportive of what the other person wants. It's not like we have to give up things completely...more like alter them to fit in one another's lives.

That being said, you guys are at a much different point in your relationship. From what I remember, you were in an open relationship for awhile and now a committed one but you still haven't lived together or close for an extended period of time. So who knows what you'll feel in the future?!? At this point, you would move on without him if it was somewhere you wanted to go. But maybe that will be different a year from now, you know?
So I wouldn't worry too much about it

[lucybelle]

Thanks for all the replies! I guess our relationship definitely needs to grow a bit

[Silviar]

I don't think it's a bad sign at all. And I suspect if you dug a bit, your SO means the same thing. My SO and I often say the same things, but we both know that practically, should we break up, we'd have a very long period of mourning and pain, but eventually we'd pull out of it. You can mean the world to someone, but it's still possible to pick up the pieces after you're broken.

Everyone needs supportive people, and wants them. So it's not really a stretch. I think guys are also careful to not say "I only want you" because it can come off as skeevy and sex-oriented (hypocritical, I know, but there you go).

[Sarah M]

It's fantastic. From the sounds of your relationship, he'll move with you because that's what you both share. This is a very important trait to keep. Don't forget what you want and need from life. You don't get to do it over again. Do it right the first time.