New LDR, quite clueless to how to make it work. Any advice accepted.

[Kevz]

Hi my name is Kevz, and I am new to this forum. After using general love/dating forums and being called half-nuts for being in a LDR I'd figure that coming to a site about LDRs would be more understanding. I am a college student who recently started a LDR one month ago today.

Background: I met my girlfriend at a bus stop near my university. She was a foreign exchange student learning English and I am an engineering student. We both took the same bus home since she lived in the same direction. After helping her with the bus schedule we started to have small conversations over a month. One day we finally decided to hang out at the local mall, which eventually let to me inviting her to my grandparents' house for her first Thanksgiving dinner. Sadly, after the few short months I knew her and few weeks after we started to hang out she gave me the bad news she was leaving the country for practically forever. From Thanksgiving she kept telling me how she wished we could be dating and I said the same back. When the time came for her to leave I surprised her with flowers and presents and said our good byes. It was hard for me since I feel like she is the only girl I have ever met who truly understands me and is everything I would have wanted in a gf. After an emotional goodbye and her once again asking if there would be anyway for us to date I regrettably said no since I did not believe LDRs actually could work. I'd figure that just like everyone else who moves away it would only be a matter of time until we fell out.

Fast forward one month. After calling each other every few days, and then daily and then several times a day it came apparent that our feelings for each other never really went away and continued to go stronger. I asked her out, both of us discussing our uncertainty on how to make this work. We call each other daily to hear about each others days and occasionally talk by Skype.

Today is one month since I started dating her. Tomorrow I am planning to surprise her on Skype about how I am getting a volunteer job teaching English for a few months close to her current job at a hospital.

My advice is what do some of you do to communicate and strengthen your LDR. We are both quite new do this and are finding it awkward to try to get to know each other more. I really want to have more exciting experiences online/by other communication with her so that our relationship is not stuck in the past but celebrates the present. Also, Valentine's day is coming up and I plan on mailing her a present. All ideas on how to make this work and for us to get to know each other more is greatly appreciated. This is both my first LDR and her LDR, and one of the first a handful of relationship I have had during my life so general advice is welcome as well.

Interesting Fact: One of the things we do as a couple is teach each other our languages. English is not her primary language so I am helping her with that and I am learning her primary language. She speaks good English it is just some of the finer details she needs to work on before taking a test that will officially state she is bilingual.

[samglam209]

Welcome to LFAD! Just keep talking to her and learning more. There are a lot of great ideas of what to do in LDR's and books with questions to ask your SO on this site. Have fun when you get to see her again!

[katilady87]

Similar boat...

Hey Kevz,

I am also new to this forum and in fact just registered today. I met this amazing guy when I was visiting my father (my parents have been separated since I was three years old). I wasn't looking for love at the time, but I do think its true you find love when you least expect it. I like you didn't believe that long distance relationships couldn't work, as I've tried them before and they didn't seem to work. Through talking to my guy, he and I discussed this but felt we both wanted to pursue a ldr. I was leery but we talked on a daily basis and skype probably at least 3-4 days per week.

But I, like you, was having a hard time dealing with being in a long distance relationship. I'm so glad I found this community. I hope to find more ways to make it work. I am super excited that he is going to be visiting me on February 10th til Feburary 21st. Then I am going to be seeing him on my spring break in March.

So any new ideas I find I feel free to share and perhaps you can do the same thing?

[Kevz]

Sounds great! Definitely will do Katilady! Also, thanks for the support samglam.

[Karringtyn]

Hi there! LDR's are hard. BUT! It is definitely worth it.

My best advice? It took me almost a year and a half to realize this...so heed this..

Take life one day at a time. I got so caught up in worrying about the future I was missing today. I take each day as a gift..special in it's own way. We are older, both with children...we live 368.3 miles from each other and see each other usually every couple months or so. It is so important that you communicate...and open up. We talk through im's, facebook, and phone. We use webcam a couple times a week as our schedules permit...we are truly honest and don't keep things from the other.

But we each have a life as well. We trust and believe that one day it will all be worth it. We are engaged and will be married when his house sells and he relocates here. We have no idea when that will be....so hence the "one day at a time."

Welcome...this place has been my sanity so many times....

[Kevz]

Thank you

[katilady87]

Yes thanks Karringtyn,

That is helpful. In doing so I'm taking more hours at work while I can't seem him to stay busy and I'm also trying to make new and more friends too. I think both of these help make the distance a bit easier.

[tiffinnie]

I've done my fair share of LDRs and wasn't expecting to find my SO when I did, but I also had to be the one to do the convincing that a LDR will be worth it. He lives 6.4K miles away! We haven't met in person yet but there are plans to do that in the future. Until then, we're connected to MSN almost 24 hours a day. Don't LOOK for things to talk about. That puts a weird uncomfortable stress on the relationship. If you're excited about something, share it with her, and encourage her to do the same. Be there when she needs someone to b*tch at about how her day is going, about family issues, about anything and be willing to do the same. Communication is a two way street. Be open and honest with her about everything while being fully aware of her feelings and what triggers certain emotions. Girls are complex, but so are guys! If you want to do something fun, try doing a date night. Dinner and a movie. It may sound silly but you two could sit down on skype for dinner and enjoy a movie via a site called seetoo.com which is pretty simple to use and gives you a chance to communicate during the movie like you would in a theater (but in text). There are tons of things you can do to keep that spark alive and keep things fresh. Learning eachothers languages is a great great thing! I'm slowly learning Portuguese (my SO's first language) and he is now extremely fluent in English. Just be sure to have your own lives outside of your relationship, and then when you talk, you have something to talk about. Read a book together, watch movies together, do those things separately and then suggest things to each other. A little bit goes a long way, especially while in a long distance relationship. The little things always matter, more so now than ever. Good luck and I really hope everything works out for BOTH of you newcomers! Welcome to the forums! Have fun!

[Butterfly]

Interesting Fact: One of the things we do as a couple is teach each other our languages. English is not her primary language so I am helping her with that and I am learning her primary language. She speaks good English it is just some of the finer details she needs to work on before taking a test that will officially state she is bilingual.

I love that!! Very cool. Welcome to the site.

[lucybelle]

I am also international with a language barrier. That's one of the reasons I love it so much because you learn new things every day. Things like "have you ever heard of ______ festival?" or "This is how we do it in my country" etc. If you don't already know her language I suggest you start learning some of it. It's a nice gesture and it's helpful!

Communication in an LDR is important and it might be good for you to set up date nights to skype, phone call etc. My SO and I don't do this, but our time difference is only an hour and we always "know" when the other will be on.

Also-- since you're still in the "getting to know you phase" I suggest writing down things to talk about throughout the day so you have a whole list by the time you talk to her. I used to do this allllll the time. Like you might be at the grocery store and think of a funny story or how you can't stand green apples or whatever. Write it down so you can bring it up in conversation.

Good luck!