We are even closer to the end...

[Cucaratcha]

Hi...
I'm completely down.
She has started university 3 weeks ago, she has a lot of work and she has just told me that university + me was too much, as she doesn't even have time for herself... She said she still loves me, but she wanted to be sincere with me and not to hurt me. She also said that our LDR is more difficult than she thought and basically if she doesn't have time for me, then it won't work. I told her I understand and I promised her I will give her the time she needs and she would call me when she has free time. She didnt seem really believing me and not really positive about that even with that it could get better. She also said that I should stop thinking about her and concentrate more in my needs/life. She insisted in the point that it wasn't my fault, but for her, to succeed in the university is really important.

So I ask her if she wanted to break up. She said she doesnt know, that she needs time and space to clear her mind, but anyway she still wanted to speak with me whatever happens.

At the end of the call I said "I love you". She replied "You know I do so. Then me "Yes I know, but I'd like to hear it". She "Stop telling me you love me, I know, I need to clear my mind".

I'm so fucking lost, I don't know what to do, give me advice, please

[Miramaid]

give her 3 days. Three day of not calling her, texting her, talking to her at all. I know it will be hard but it will give you chance to miss her and will give her time to think. Do not get mad. I am in school too and it is HARD. If my BF was taking all of my time (which he did at first) and was stressing out about everything I do here, it too would be too much for me.

You need to calm down yourself. Looks like you get angry and stressed out easily and are very emotional. It is not bad but can be overwhelming for people around you. I am sure she loves you, just give her some space and in the mean time hang out with us here

[Cucaratcha]

I see what you mean, but she said it wasn't my fault. Just she wouldn't have time for me as she doesn't even have for herself... She just studies, eat and sleep...

Or is that another woman way to say something else ?

I'm lost and I can't even speak with my mother as she already sleeps, tomorrow will be more than awful

[OliveOyl]

ah! that is so mean! but I guess she is just stressed out. I am sure its not easy for her either. I agree, just give it a few days. Give her some time to herself to let herself think things through. Im so sorry your going through this!

[Moon]

Awww, I'm really sorry There really might not be any practical advice to give you, except to back off and give her the time she needs. Sometimes love alone isn't enough to carry a relationship through, especially when things like school get in the way. She HAS to concentrate on school right now, its the most important thing for her, and some people just can't multi-task. All you can do is walk away and see if she'll follow along at some point, she's made it pretty clear to you that she can't handle all of this right now, and you've got to respect that, especially since she's been honest with you. She may realize after a little while that she's made a mistake, and come back. If you give her the space she needs, you open the door to that opportunity. I wish you the best of luck with her.

[Yorkshire Girl]

Hi, Im so sorry for the upset you are going through. Its so difficult to give advice because I dont know the whole situation, but I would suggest giving her some space. In this time she will either realise she misses you and actually wants to be with you, or she will realise that the seaparation is what she wants. Either way you are going to have to be strong. And if it is the latter, it is important you are strong and accept her decision.

I once had a boyfriend who didnt want to be with me. But I didnt want this and I couldnt stand that he didnt want to be with me. So I made sacrifices just to make him happy, such as agreeing to things just to keep him with me, or not contacting him when he said, basically everything was on his terms and I agreed to this just to make sure he stayed with me. It didnt work out obviously. Therefore it is important that you stay strong. I mean look at me, I am madly in love with my SO and we have such an understanding its unreal. Looking back at things with my ex I was acting pretty desperate.

I hope you find some peace and understanding from all of this.

[Cucaratcha]

By giving her space/time you mean no contacts, NOTHING, until she does contact me ? Not even a "how was your day ?" by txt ?

[Yorkshire Girl]

Thats kind of your decision. There are pros and cons to having no contact AT ALL and just asking how her day was.

Personally if it was me, I would send her a message letting her know you are giving her some space and that is the reason for you not contacting her, otherwise if you cut off contact altogether she will wonder whats going on.

It is going to be so difficult and you are going to have to find your will power. But like I said its your choice, do what is best for YOU.

[Moon]

By giving her space/time you mean no contacts, NOTHING, until she does contact me ? Not even a "how was your day ?" by txt ?

Yep, exactly. Its hard, but you've got to do it right now to give the relationship a chance to survive. Sorry It won't kill you, I promise.

[lucybelle]

Or is that another woman way to say something else ?

Hit the nail on the head. She's trying to break up with you, but in a nice way. She obviously cares about you, but the relationship just isn't working. So she wants to let you down in an easy way. I'm sorry, but I think this is over. Move on and find someone who is perfect for you.

Good luck.

[garnet]

I agree that she was likely trying to be as gentle as possible with what she said, while still getting her message across. I don't think it is necessarily over, end of story, though. I think you should do as most of the other ladies have suggested, and back away, give her some real, no contact space, and see what happens. If you don't do this, my guess is that it will probably be 100% be over. Taking big steps away, will give her some time to make sure of what she wants.

I hope things turn out as you are wishing. I'm sure this is very difficult... We're all here for you though.

[MrsExPrez]

Okay, so, I'm not a fan of playing games. Of actions that speak the opposite of how you feel. But sometimes, very rarely, it is necessary.

What all of these ladies are saying to you is absolutely correct. And no, the "how is your day" text is NOT going to work with this.

My SO has acted sort of similar in the past I guess you could say. Stressed, angry, didn't want to talk to me, took it out on me, etc.

I completely cut it off, didn't talk to him for two weeks or so.
By the time it was over, he was missing me so much. He realized he wasn't being fair to me and treating me the way he should have. He has since then been very sweet. Hehehe.

It's all about the reflection time. The chance for them to sit, ruminate, and really feel what it's like to be alone. Like someone else said, she will either love the time alone, or hate it.

[Miramaid]

Hit the nail on the head. She's trying to break up with you, but in a nice way. She obviously cares about you, but the relationship just isn't working. So she wants to let you down in an easy way. I'm sorry, but I think this is over. Move on and find someone who is perfect for you.

Good luck.

This is not true. It may be over but being a girl too, I can see how I would just want some space to breathe! You may not realize it but by texting her all the time, calling and nagging to get on skype every evening, you do not let her live and meet with friends! Her friends most likely make fun of her and say something like "if your boyfriend doesn't mind, wanna go eat with us tonight? or watch a movie?" and that is if her friends are nice, if they are not they may be saying something like "You should find another boyfriend, who is not as controlling" and you may not even realize that this is what you do and that she already has pressure with homework and school and starting a semester and being away from home (I assume) and away from you, to also have to deal with you wanting attention all the time.
I too am the kind of a person who likes a lot of attention and when I first moved to school my BF was acting JUST like you if not worse and it was HARD! I could not concentrate on school at all! I could feel every time when he was not in a good mood (because of me or not because of me), when he needed me more, when he thought I was out with someone, when he was acting like a jerk thinking that I will break up with him so he should a the one to do it first...all kinds of things. It was HARD! I could not study and I barely made it through the semester. If that is what you do to ehr and you probably do not even realize it, then i understand what she is tyring to tell you: give her some space to breathe and when you call and talk to her, be light, supportive, attentive, do not stress out about things, coz it is already stressful enough for both of you, talk about nice things, talk about when you gonna see each other and what you gonna do when you see each other, talk abt friends, classmates, movies you watched...and not about how hard it is to be aprat and how you want more of her attention.

But before all that, NOW give her a few days. Text her after 3 days and say you miss her. But for now leave her alone and let her know that you will not bother her and that you love her.

[garnet]

This is not true. It may be over but being a girl too, I can see how I would just want some space to breathe! You may not realize it but by texting her all the time, calling and nagging to get on skype every evening, you do not let her live and meet with friends! Her friends most likely make fun of her and say something like "if your boyfriend doesn't mind, wanna go eat with us tonight? or watch a movie?" and that is if her friends are nice, if they are not they may be saying something like "You should find another boyfriend, who is not as controlling" and you may not even realize that this is what you do and that she already has pressure with homework and school and starting a semester and being away from home (I assume) and away from you, to also have to deal with you wanting attention all the time.

This is very true about the feedback she may be getting from her friends, and the situation she faces that you can't see. I am not saying it's anyones fault, just that it could well be absolutely true.

[Micah]

I am going to say that if you really care about someone, you MAKE time. There's always time to take a few minutes out of your day to contact someone you care about. It's about prioritizing. And women are generally pretty good at juggling multiple things at once normally.

If she is giving you these excuses, then she is obviously confused and trying to sort of let you down easy. I agree with the others that you just need to give her space with no contact. Maybe some time away will make her realize that she misses you and then she will come back and be willing to give you more effort.