is this a good idea?

[nerdgirl]

well last night we had a really long talk about the whole not calling thing, and he told me that he just has never really had someone to talk to about anything and this is all really new to him (being in a LDR is not new to me i was in a LDR a few years ago for 9 months the guy is now my best friend, with him tho we talked almost every moment we weren't in school or busy with something soo maybe my expectations are a little high. anyways) so i told him that i understand that he needs time to adjust. he told me that it's his fault that we dont talk on the phone all the time (this made me feel bad of course) but he agreed to try to break this habit, so he is supposed to call me everyday for 21 days to try to make it a new habit..is this a good idea? i mean i like it, but does it seem to forced?

thanks for your advice
also how often do you and your SO talk on the phone?

[MrsExPrez]

Hmm..
well, if he agreed to it and seemed open to it, I suppose there is no harm in trying it. I guess I am a little concerned that it's sounding a little chore-y. Did he sound like he looked forward to trying it? Have you already accomplished your first day trying this? How did it turn out?

So, is the lack of talking because he is shy?

And, depends. We have been talking on the phone every day this week, but my boyfriend and I tend to fluctuate in the amount we talk. We could go a week without talking to each other at all, or there are days we can't go two hours without texting each other. It's just the way we are.

[garnet]

I agree that it may end up feeling like a chore, rather than something he wants to do, since he sort of has a program in place to follow. If he's all into it... it probably wont hurt to try, but I wouldn't give him a hard time if it doesn't go perfectly. Do you two talk in other ways too? Text? Email?

When Rane & I were LD, we couldn't afford the phone, but we did video chat, or email daily. It wasn't an unspoken rule that it had to be daily though. It just worked out that way.

[nerdgirl]

we text all the time and i enjoy it, there is just something about talking on the phone tho it's so much more personal.
and yeah he is shy i'm his first ldr and only 2nd girlfriend. so he isn't really comfortable with the way relationships work (that sounds weird lol)
he was the one that brought up the whole 21 day thing..idk it sounds chore-y to me too. we were kind of arguing when he brought it up, i was upset bc he told me he would call and again he hadn't.

we haven't started it yet he's supposed to call me tonight...

[MrsExPrez]

I agree with garnet. A set in stone thing, like the 21 days for example, can put the situation under some pressure.
Hopefully it would suffice to just explain to him that you would like to talk more. Spend more time together chatting whether it be on the phone, messenger, etc. If he cares for you, I'm sure he will have no problem listening to your needs and trying the best he can to fulfill them. Like you said yourself, this is all new to him, give him a chance to open up. Feel comfortable with you.

[samglam209]

When my boyfriend and I talk that often we get bored. We have been together for almost 4 years but he may have a point that he just needs to get into the habit. Don't get mad if he doesn't keep up with it because that sounds really hard to do. You need to talk and come up with realistic expectations of how often you should talk and get into the swing of that. It will be easier that way. I hope he opens up more and that things work out for you.

[Mara]

I actually do things like this with my SO. I'm just really a systematic person though. I make endless lists and approach all self improvement by setting an amount and a time frame. Eventually, it becomes habit. I am currently trying to make it all semester without missing a class and trying to go 90 days without causing an argument with my SO. It's not about whether I succeed or fail, but rather making a conscious effort to change negative behavior.

[princessmeg1328]

I think that it's a good idea in a big picture kind of way, but don't give him a hard time if he misses a day. I wouldn't even mention it if he does. I think that something you could do is to just sound really excited and happy when he calls. It'll make him feel really good when he does and make him want to call more often, maybe. I would even call him during those 21 days.

[Zephii]

Wow, some of the google adds coming through are so sleezy. Are those boobs even real?!

Anyway, back on topic.

I think it's probably a pretty childish solution, but if it works, so much the better. I don't think talking should be a habit, but hopefully over the month he'll learn to enjoy it.

For us, we didn't phone, but we skyped pretty much constantly and we msn'd even more than that. He doesn't like texting, and it was costly, so it was very rare.

[Micah]

I don't think talking on the phone should become a chore, or something you or your boyfriend feels obligated to do, although I understand that it is important and more personal to hear your SO's voice over the phone. I just don't think there should be any rules or set expectations because that might cause problems or resentment in the future. I'm usually always in the mood to talk to my boyfriend on the phone, but he admits he is horrible at talking on the phone and doesn't really like it, so I take what I can get and try not to be disappointed that I don't get to talk to him on the phone every day, even though I'd love to.

My boyfriend and I usually talk on the phone about every other day, but sometimes we will talk every day if we have important things to do discuss. We text every day though.

[nerdgirl]

thanks you guys for the advice i'll just see how it works out, and not over react