Just annoyed

[jenlee]

So SO other and I have been doing this LDR for over 3 months now and tonight he informs me that our conversations have been boring lately and that he's tired with caring the conversations at night. We talk every night for 1-2 hrs and text randomly through out the day. I'm sorry but my life has been boring the past couple of weeks but every since we've started talking we did the 5 questions a night until Thanksgiving when we kind of ran out of questions. And now I feel like we're stuck. But he doesn't have a computer(well he does but its for work so the network is way to secure) for us to chat online via skype or to even play games. Because I feel like he's putting this all on me when he doesn't step up on his side with the lack of the computer situation. I'm just frustrated, its NOT ALL MY FAULT! And all LDR become verbally boring after awhile, right?!?! Sorry I just need to vent.

[snow_girl]

I don't have a lot of interesting stuff to talk about because I work so much so we skype only twice a week. It gives you more stuff to talk about in one skype session then nothing to talk about in many sessions. I write a list of things I want to tell him though out the week then I don't forget and it keeps the conversation going.

[sabby64]

I would find something else to do together, like a game you can both play. That way you have something to do with eachother even if you don't have much to talk about

[Miramaid]

you may google "questions to ask your boyfriend" and I think it would be nice to send real letters or even little packages, just something very small, or do "1 picture a day" project like some people on here do. Of course it would have been easier to skype coz that way you can see each other and you can do whatever you need to do and just kinda be "together" in the same room, but since it is not an option...Does he have a comp at home? If yes, then why doesnt he get a camera and install skype? If not, well, may be that would be smth you two could consider. You live in the US, if he is from the US too he could get that very small DELL from Walmart for $300 (you could may be even share the cost) and do skype.

[ber6810]

i agree with everyone above. Find stuff that works for your relationship. Games or watching shows together etc.
& no idont think all relationships get verbally boring. I've been with my SO for 8 months LD. & we talk every night 1-2 hours and text all day pretty much and we never get bored. You juat have to find topics that interest you both

[jenlee]

We did the million of questions in the beginning, trust me we've covered all the bases. From the silly ones to the deep and private ones. And he doesn't want to spend the money on the computer right now because it seems "silly and unnecessary". He does have a computer but its government protected blah blah blah because of his job. We both live in the US...but seems like we've been struggling since he asked me to take the big leap and move and I couldn't do it, I changed my mind and said no. Ever since then our conversations have SUCKED!!!! UGH they have sucked!!! Is it mean to say lets not talk every day and see if that helps?

[Sarah9908]

You don't want to be harsh with it if you do take the approach to request a break... If you do it in the right manner, i think it'd be appropriate to limit the conversations to maybe every other night instead of every night, and see how he takes it then. Just don't be upset when you ask, or you're stepping on dangerous ground and he could possibly take it the wrong way, imo.

[jenlee]

Good point on the whole making sure its not harsh. I just feel like I'm the only one who is frustrated with this. We'll be seeing each other in 2 weeks for 10 days where we'll be traveling around Florida visiting my family and his parents(first time AHHHH!). IDK I just feel like I'm nitpicking the situation, I probably am.

[Sarah M]

It's not being harsh to suggest speaking twice a week. There's no harm in that. Matt and I Skype twice a week. Once during the week, voice only, and then once on the weekend with video and for longer. That way we have more to talk about. I hope you can suggest this to your SO without him taking it the wrong way. Good luck!

[ms3]

I'm also tend to be sometimes scared of not having anything to say to people, but this kind of never happened with my SO. Even if there is not much to tell, we still have something to talk. And if not, that's ok, then the call will just be shorter...

[Alisz]

We talk everyday for copious amounts of time and some days we barely say anything to each other in the way of importance. A lot of our conversations don't really have much to do with our own lives or ourselves. Only when something interesting happens do we talk about it. Or if we're texting we'll share something that's happening in the moment. We use our common interests as conversation fodder. We share news articles and media online of things we'd think the other would like or find funny. Then we'll talk about it sharing our opinions, funny stories, or share something else relevant. Instant conversation ^^ We also watch a ton of movies and tv shows together. I serves the dual purpose of spending time together and more topics to talk about.

I wouldn't suggest talking less if you don't want to talk less... That kinda came out weird, but if you want to talk more, talking less would be going backwards. It sounds like you have some things you want talk about with him. I take it you're assuming the lack of conversation is from a disagreement and/or difference of opinion. I've learned that assumptions are rarely good. I had a bout of that on my own recently and knowing the facts is a lot easier to handle now than the maybes. Clear the air and then it'll probably be easier for both of you to find things to talk about.

[Rugger]

My boy and I play 20 questions when we start getting bored. We ask redic questions like "If you were a pastry what kind would you be and why" Silly questions really help us know things we never would have known in a normal situation

[Zephii]

When you're in a CDR there's a great deal of time you're with the other person, but are not actually talking. If you live together this is even more pronounced. You don't have to always be having a conversation just because you're on the phone - the phone is just your point of connection. When the phone, or skype or msn or whatever a person uses to form that connection is running that can be like the person is there with you.
This is where companionable silence comes in. Just be together, without forcing talk, you know? Watch a show together, or get a handsfree set and cook dinner together.

Also, read the news paper. This helps bring new topics into your conversations. Your conversations don't need to be about one of you, they can be about the macro world as well.

I also think he might be still upset that you wont move for him. Perhaps he doesn't realise how hard it is to be the one to move.

[jenlee]

Thanks, I'll bring up some of those ideas tonight when we talk and I think they are actually pretty great ideas. I never thought of the newspaper idea or watching movies.
But I'd have to agree with Zephii and how you think he still upset with me. We travel to Florida on the 18 for a good week trip but if things don't get better after that....Idk. I'm just tired of the attitude. I HATE the distance too, I HATE going to be alone at night! I miss the kisses, the hand holding, simpling just touching them....I HATE IT ALL too! I do! But I'm just not ready to give up MY LIFE in Wisconsin and move to Kentucky for him yet and to be honest I feel like he resents me for not moving. But I'm afraid if I do move now before I'm ready I'll end up resenting him. So now what? ugh.

[Alisz]

Thanks, I'll bring up some of those ideas tonight when we talk and I think they are actually pretty great ideas. I never thought of the newspaper idea or watching movies.
But I'd have to agree with Zephii and how you think he still upset with me. We travel to Florida on the 18 for a good week trip but if things don't get better after that....Idk. I'm just tired of the attitude. I HATE the distance too, I HATE going to be alone at night! I miss the kisses, the hand holding, simpling just touching them....I HATE IT ALL too! I do! But I'm just not ready to give up MY LIFE in Wisconsin and move to Kentucky for him yet and to be honest I feel like he resents me for not moving. But I'm afraid if I do move now before I'm ready I'll end up resenting him. So now what? ugh.

You should tell him that. Exactly what you said here. That you hate the distance. That you miss him. But you're not ready to give up your life there yet and you're afraid if you move right now you'll resent him. Maybe add that it's not that you don't ever want to close the distance, just the timing is not right. Reassure him it's not a forever type of deal. Also, I find it's easier to have serious talks in person. Fewer misunderstandings. I mean, if you have no choice, then there's no choice. But hopefully some of the issues can be cleared before you guys travel and when you're together anything left can be talked out. ^^