I need advice from BTDT couples

[Katchi]

My husband and I are separated by almost 1400 miles and I've just discovered we are expecting a baby. We are both very excited, but have different opinions on how we should proceed now. See, I have a son from a previous marriage and my custody agreement requires me to stay in the state of Texas. Which is fine, because that's what I want to do. Not that I don't want to be with him, I do, but I like my life here and our friends and family and I'm not wanting to get into a custody battle with the ex (expensive) or put myself or my son through the move (trauma). But more than that, I don't want to become isolated from friends and family.
I'm sure it's only insecurity on my part, and probably me judging him based on my prior experiences, but he sometimes disappears for a few hours or even all evening and it upsets me. I don't expect him to be "on call" or anything, but I get upset when he's off the grid for extended times because we're so far apart. He's in the military, so I know he has to be far away, but I know when I go see him this weekend, I'm going to get the hard sell on why it's time to do the custody battle and be out there. I'm almost dreading the trip.
Does anyone have any tips or advice on how to deal with this? I definitely don't want to move out there, where I don't have infrastructure and I'm isolated or stuck if my fears turn out to be realities. But I also don't want to accuse him or make him feel like my decision is based on his behavior, because I don't feel it will be constructive and worry it will make him defensive. He's a great provider and I know he wants us to all be in one spot. I am just certain that a move isn't what I want at this point, despite how difficult a new baby will be without him on the scene. HELP!

PS: I'm Katchi (Pronounced Catchy) and I'm new to the board! Found the site after reading an article about distance relationships!

[MissAnnThropee]

First off, congrats on the new baby!

I think you need to really talk to him and let him know that you don't want to have the custody battle at this time. Your son is very important to you, and if you need to stay in Texas to keep custody, then your SO needs to understand that that is where you need to be. It will be hard with your SO away (My fiance is also in the military so I can somewhat get how hard it is to be in your position) to raise your child, but you do have friends and family in Texas.

How long does he (roughly) have left in his contract? Does he want to re-enlist?

[agentholli]

Congrats on the new baby! I don't have any other advice but wanted to say congrats

[Miramaid]

He will not be away forever right? I do not have any advice. I just wanted to say that I know a couple where the husband is a military overseas and they have been married for 5 years and she is here in the US. It has been like that for 5 years. Every chance he gets he goes home, he is making $ for the family. I do not know when he will finally come back for good, but they are trying to have a baby too and may be after that he will.
May be you should focus on the fact that you do not want to stress out over the battle with ex and moving while you are pregnant because you may have a miscarriage and it is not good for the baby and you want the baby to be healthy and god forbid do not want to loose the baby being all nervous all the time.
If his contract will end soon, then he could move to Texas? If not, at least plan the battle after teh baby is born because really, right now you need to be calm and focus on being healthy and bring a healthy baby into this world.

Congrats with the baby!

[Katchi]

Thanks, y'all. Yes, I'm hoping he can get a new assignment in July. At that point he will have 6 years to retirement, so getting out is really not a feasible option for us. Like your friend, tissa, we keep thinking, "At our ages, 6 years is nothing." We've done a year and a half at a distance so far, so we're kind of used to it.
Sometimes, though, he gets bogged down in the idea of wanting us to be together at whatever cost and he doesn't take into account that a custody battle would be traumatic on dozens of people--all for the convenience of only two of us. None of it is easy.
The other part of it is that he'll have to go back for another tour overseas in 2012 and I don't want to be stuck away from home and him not even be there. It's all so complicated and difficult. I wish it were different, but I love him to pieces and I know we can do it.
Pray that he gets an assignment in or near Texas next year. It would make our lives immensely easier!
Thanks for the replies, y'all. Sometimes I feel SO ALONE in all this!

[Katchi]

Quick update: I just got back from VA and we talked about it. He said he will support whatever decision I make because he knows I'm doing all I can to consider every member of the family. I am so relieved that we aren't jumping into a custody battle right now! God, I love him. He's also going to try and work on making some changes so he can get to us sooner. Fingers crossed!!!
Thank you so much for your listening and support.