Hi, I am a new member. Having read a few of the articles i felt like I was still dumbfounded on what is really going on in my relationship so I thought i'ld join and see if someone had any useful input.
I met my current girlfriend through an online dating site in early december. She knew one of my friends and we decided not to date or flirt cause it might be awkward. However, we had really nice chemistry and went quickly from messages on the dating site, to MSN, to skype in like 3-4 days.
From about the 5th of december til say the 15th of january we spoke on the phone for literally hours a day. Some days i swear it was more then 8-10 hours. We always ended up talking til 5-6am and going to work completely exhausted (some of the nights also included more xx business). She was very loving, very quickly and somewhat stunned me by saying she was falling in love with me after just a couple of weeks on the phone and talking about marriage, kids, wanting to meet my parents etc etc. I tried to joke it away in the beginning, but she was very keen on "forever" already then.
All the way from 5th December to 5th of January she actually lived rather close to me, say 15 min with a bus. Somehow though, she never seemed to have time to hook up. Reason for this was her moving to another country in january (she got sacked from her job cause it was moved abroad and ended up following the job. Stressful times were she worked a lot and worried a lot). We spoke about meeting during the christmas break, but she got whisked away with her family on a surprise trip to eastern europe. That effectively ended that opportunity, although I had tons of phonecalls from her and a really moving handwritten letter she sent where she expressed how strongly she felt about me.
We also made plans to meet up on new years eve, after being on different parties with our friends. Unfortunately, she got completely hammered and ended up not coming.
We made plans after that to meet on the night before she left and that i would help her to the airport. We even made plans for me to drive her car back to her mums since she wouldn't have time herself. I got a phone from her that night with her in tears saying this wouldn't work and that she couldn't come. She just had too much to get done before she left and the appartment wasn't ready. After an hour on the phone i managed to turn her from tears to laughter and we decided to try long distance even without meeting. We spoke a lot about visiting often, its just a 2 hour flight and I have the money and time to travel when i want to.
Now the real problems arise, i call ahead to her hotel in the new country and make sure there are flowers in her room. She calls back when she gets them and shower me with affection. Telling me how much she cares for me, and how much she brags to her friends about me. We keep up talking on the phone (Expensive as hell since no skype, prob burned through 1000 € in a week, but who cares, i just wanted to hear her voice). During this we escalated from "in love" to "love" and exchanged those words. She was absolutely overjoyed and told me i made her the happiest woman alive.
Then..... she started working and moved into an appartment. Now she has skype, but we hardly ever talk. After a week of almost no communication she says we got to talk.
"i need some space", she says she is stressed about time and feeling guilty for not having time to calling/having me visit and that she almost feels like it's something she "have to" do, and that's all wrong. I tell her I understand, i give her space and 3 weeks later here I am. During these 3 weeks I have almost never initiated contact, i will always let her do it (almost always) we have spoken once on the phone and maybe 2-3 times on IM + a couple of messsages back and forth. I got a message on day 2 and 3 saying:
2: "I am so glad you understand, feels so good to have time, i love you a lot"
3: "You are all mine, sleep tight"
day 6 or 7 she sends me a message and wants me to call her. She is on the buss in traffic and we talk for an hour about her work and everything else. Ending the call with i love you, but nothing else is spoken about "us" in the whole hour
on day 9 or 10 I wake up wanting to show her my affection so I send her flowers again (some roses). Her reaction is an odd mixture of
a) You are the best/kindest
b) This is making me stressed and making me feel guilty
After that i hear nothing for 6 days (!), until i contacted her on IM last night (sunday), she had friends over and couldn't really talk. I tell her ok, just wondering how you are, let me know if you want to skype or something later. She didn't let me know.
Today I ask her if "something is wrong, you are so distant lately", and her reply is "no, nothing wrong, just so much fun things happening".
I am left with a million questions, the most important ones being:
1) Is she falling out of love with me and just hoping i tire and end the relationship myself?
2) How do I find the answer to 1) given that she says "everything is fine"
3) Was my "big mistake" giving in to her level of affection? I don't usually go all out like this so early, but she was so intense and affectionate it was hard not to get carried along
4) I still love her, I don't meet women I can say that about a lot, and i at least want to meet her to see if we have the same chemistry in person before i give up, am i being naive?
There is tons more to this story, but it is already a wall of text so I'll cut it "short". Please help out with advice and ask questions if you think it will help. I want to make this work, but I am really feeling quite helpless right now...
I met my current girlfriend through an online dating site in early december. She knew one of my friends and we decided not to date or flirt cause it might be awkward. However, we had really nice chemistry and went quickly from messages on the dating site, to MSN, to skype in like 3-4 days.
From about the 5th of december til say the 15th of january we spoke on the phone for literally hours a day. Some days i swear it was more then 8-10 hours. We always ended up talking til 5-6am and going to work completely exhausted (some of the nights also included more xx business). She was very loving, very quickly and somewhat stunned me by saying she was falling in love with me after just a couple of weeks on the phone and talking about marriage, kids, wanting to meet my parents etc etc. I tried to joke it away in the beginning, but she was very keen on "forever" already then.
All the way from 5th December to 5th of January she actually lived rather close to me, say 15 min with a bus. Somehow though, she never seemed to have time to hook up. Reason for this was her moving to another country in january (she got sacked from her job cause it was moved abroad and ended up following the job. Stressful times were she worked a lot and worried a lot). We spoke about meeting during the christmas break, but she got whisked away with her family on a surprise trip to eastern europe. That effectively ended that opportunity, although I had tons of phonecalls from her and a really moving handwritten letter she sent where she expressed how strongly she felt about me.
We also made plans to meet up on new years eve, after being on different parties with our friends. Unfortunately, she got completely hammered and ended up not coming.
We made plans after that to meet on the night before she left and that i would help her to the airport. We even made plans for me to drive her car back to her mums since she wouldn't have time herself. I got a phone from her that night with her in tears saying this wouldn't work and that she couldn't come. She just had too much to get done before she left and the appartment wasn't ready. After an hour on the phone i managed to turn her from tears to laughter and we decided to try long distance even without meeting. We spoke a lot about visiting often, its just a 2 hour flight and I have the money and time to travel when i want to.
Now the real problems arise, i call ahead to her hotel in the new country and make sure there are flowers in her room. She calls back when she gets them and shower me with affection. Telling me how much she cares for me, and how much she brags to her friends about me. We keep up talking on the phone (Expensive as hell since no skype, prob burned through 1000 € in a week, but who cares, i just wanted to hear her voice). During this we escalated from "in love" to "love" and exchanged those words. She was absolutely overjoyed and told me i made her the happiest woman alive.
Then..... she started working and moved into an appartment. Now she has skype, but we hardly ever talk. After a week of almost no communication she says we got to talk.
"i need some space", she says she is stressed about time and feeling guilty for not having time to calling/having me visit and that she almost feels like it's something she "have to" do, and that's all wrong. I tell her I understand, i give her space and 3 weeks later here I am. During these 3 weeks I have almost never initiated contact, i will always let her do it (almost always) we have spoken once on the phone and maybe 2-3 times on IM + a couple of messsages back and forth. I got a message on day 2 and 3 saying:
2: "I am so glad you understand, feels so good to have time, i love you a lot"
3: "You are all mine, sleep tight"
day 6 or 7 she sends me a message and wants me to call her. She is on the buss in traffic and we talk for an hour about her work and everything else. Ending the call with i love you, but nothing else is spoken about "us" in the whole hour
on day 9 or 10 I wake up wanting to show her my affection so I send her flowers again (some roses). Her reaction is an odd mixture of
a) You are the best/kindest
b) This is making me stressed and making me feel guilty
After that i hear nothing for 6 days (!), until i contacted her on IM last night (sunday), she had friends over and couldn't really talk. I tell her ok, just wondering how you are, let me know if you want to skype or something later. She didn't let me know.
Today I ask her if "something is wrong, you are so distant lately", and her reply is "no, nothing wrong, just so much fun things happening".
I am left with a million questions, the most important ones being:
1) Is she falling out of love with me and just hoping i tire and end the relationship myself?
2) How do I find the answer to 1) given that she says "everything is fine"
3) Was my "big mistake" giving in to her level of affection? I don't usually go all out like this so early, but she was so intense and affectionate it was hard not to get carried along
4) I still love her, I don't meet women I can say that about a lot, and i at least want to meet her to see if we have the same chemistry in person before i give up, am i being naive?
There is tons more to this story, but it is already a wall of text so I'll cut it "short". Please help out with advice and ask questions if you think it will help. I want to make this work, but I am really feeling quite helpless right now...
Comment