This is so much harder than I thought it would be.

[Veiled_Dreamer]

As some of you know, I left my lover two days ago. I did it because we had been having a lot of problems with one of his exes, apparently one that he still has feelings for, even though he claimed the entire time he wanted to be with me. Turns out he wanted to be with her, too, and he told her that, even if he didn't tell her the entire story about he and I, and told me not to tell her either. I thought it sounded suspicious, but I trusted him. He's a good person, and he was just trying to protect her during her suicidal depression and give me the affection he wanted to with jeopardizing himself with her. I'm not mad at all, I just feel kind of used. To think that him saying he didn't want a committed relationship was because of her, the whole time, not because of the distance or him not knowing if he wanted to spend his life with me or anything I thought it was.

Of course, we had the crying and *holding* each other thing as I left him. Why did this happen to happen? Why can't it be fair? Why don't you love me enough? Why don't you know? But then about an hour later, I sobered up and I accepted it. I spent the night talking to my male friend, the only one that knew about my lover since it was a secret. I knew I would cry myself to sleep, but he cheered me up and had me laughing the night away before that could happen. We have been cuddling and such in public for a while, to throw people off since when I had decided to not keep my lover a secret, I was ridiculed so much. It was stupid, but I am a huggy person and it was fine since he knew full well I was not entirely single, I had no real feelings for him that would compromise what I had with my lover.

Is it horrible that I'm going on a date with him this Saturday? I feel like I am doing something wrong, I just left my lover on a Tuesday and on Saturday I'm already out with someone else. It hurts me a lot, about my ex-lover, and it's so tempting to contact him any way I know how, even though I know I won't and I can't. We solemnly agreed no more talking until May 2. If on May 2, we are both happy with our lives without each other in it, then we won't speak again and we will let past chances be past chances. If on May 2, however, neither of us have gotten over each other and we are not happy with the people we are with, we're going to try an actual committed legit LDR. But I am not sitting around waiting for May 2 by any means; I'm curious and I want it to get here just so I can prove to my ex-lover I can be happy without him.

But I also know that I unconsciously compare my new guy to my lover over and over. There are far too many similarities, and I don't know if that's me just seeing my ex in everything or not. Is it normal for me to compare the two? I don't know.

Gah. And I just miss my ex sooo much. I miss having someone to say I love you too to, to spontaneously *mwah*, to fall asleep in the arms of, to talk to and know they aren't annoyed that you have so much to say. Someone I can tell everything without being worried that they will think of me differently, and I don't have that in this new guy yet, and I had it in my lover for so many long months. I just, I'm worried I haven't done the right thing.

And as I always ask, what do you guys think and what would you do from here?

[Mio]

I would only say that is normal to have feelings on going back to the ex for a while, of course there were things in the relationship that you liked and that you will miss. So you have to be strong on not contacting him. After all, why would you like to be with someone who was not willing to compromise with you?

About your friend. Be sure that you are not in a rebound, because in a big percentage of the this cases somebody gets hurt badly. I personally think that after a break up, is good to be alone for a while, and hang out and stuff, but don't attach to somebody seriously because then when the time goes by you will realize you were only with that person because it helped you forget the other, and not really for who they are. Maybe you love them as a friend but not as a partner, in the other hand, they love you as a partner and then they get hurt. For example look at Prince Charles from England and Camilla, a total disaster caused by rebounds.

Best wishes!

[lunamea]

First of all, I'm sorry to hear this - I knew of the situation, but I didn't know you'd actually broken up.

I don't think it's horrible of you to go out with someone so soon after a break-up, but considering the way it ended and what you yourself say...

so I can prove to my ex-lover I can be happy without him.

But I also know that I unconsciously compare my new guy to my lover over and over. There are far too many similarities, and I don't know if that's me just seeing my ex in everything or not. Is it normal for me to compare the two? I don't know.

I think you should give yourself time. You say that you compare the two and that you miss your ex, so you're running a risk of using your friend as a substitute or just to take revenge on your ex.
Also, you saying that you want the time to be here already so you can prove to him that you're over him implies to me that you don't want to be with him anymore, anyway? So why the no-talking-period until 2 May? I think if you don't want to be with him, you shouldn't be, even if you're still heartbroken and lonely on 2 May.

[Veiled_Dreamer]

The no talking until May was my way of preventing myself from talking to him, because I knew otherwise I'd hold out a week and then come crying to him. And I need separation: he was such a huge part of my life and now I need him to be out of it, so I have to physically separate us.
Edit: Also, I don't really view it as a break. I view it as a time to readjust to the lack of romantic involvement. So it's not like we're "seeing other people" and then seeing if we want to get back together. I honestly have all intentions of being happy without his drama in my life. Ugh, I know I sound so up and down about this; it's because I really am.

And the friend knows full well I am not over my ex, so I think he'll understand if we take things slowslowslowww. I don't get the impression that he really considered he and I together as an option until after I left my lover, so I don't he's in love with me or anything. I just really need someone to hold me right now, and I'm being up front with the friend that I don't know how interested in him I am, I'm not pretending that I'm sure this is a good idea. I guess I'll see how Saturday goes, though, and if I feel really awkward and uncomfortable and I just miss my ex-lover the whole time, then yeah, I'll agree that this is ridiculous and just wait for a little while.