Do the people in your life understand your LDR?

[delhommefan]

I feel like most people in my life don't really get it. My parents like my boyfriend but they are less than supportive about the fact that he had to move for his job. I guess they are old skool and don't really understand how we can make it last. Some of my friends are the same way. I feel like I cannot really talk to any of them because when I do get down about the situation, they kind of treat it like "Oh well...this is what you chose". I mean, yes I did. But it doesn't mean its not hard sometimes! My Dad even made a comment to me yesterday about how his moving has affected me and my daughter (because she got very close to him too). These are all things I've considered but he has his own children...I'm not going to make him choose between his own kids and me and mine. Then they say stuff to me (my parents) about how unfair it is that I've had to travel to him the last few times we've seen each other. Yeah, he drove to see me every other weekend for the first 18 months we were together! I hardly think me driving 3 times is a big deal. I'm 32 and they still treat me like I'm 12. Just wondering if anyone else has the same issues with their friends and family.

[LadyEcstsasy]

My family doesn't really care either way whether I date someone nearby or farther away. I know they're not big fans of me spending money on train tickets to disappear for a little while. They accuse me of having my priorities messed up and what not.

My friends used to be more vocally unsupportive of my previous ld relationship last year. I had a hard time balancing things and I guess gave myself a bad name. I think when I got in a second distance relationship after the first failed so miserably they just couldn't understand. I recently got accused and yelled at over things that happened a year ago in my last relationship by a friend who is also in a long distance relationship. She seems to think that I'm going about it all the wrong ways and that I shouldn't talk to him every day or try to spend time with him when I can and that anyone who does those things is "consumed". It's been hard to deal with, hard to hear and very hurtful. But I know that I love my SO and he loves me, so as the shirts say - it's worth it.

[katilady87]

I can't say that I've been in a situation like this. If anything I think my parents and friends see how happy my SO makes me that they are really happy for me. I might try to explain to your friends and parents that LDRs are tough but that they can be worth it. You might also want to say that it would make it be easier for you to deal with the distance if they were supportive? I'm sorry that you are having to deal with that, I think that not having people who are close to me be supportive of my relationship would make the distance from your SO even harder. I hope being apart of this forum helps. Good luck!

[Effie]

I sort of know how you feel. Initially when my so left my mother was very comforting and supportive. Since then my parents haven't shown much support. I get the impression that they thought once we were apart for a few months we would break up. Since that hasn't happened and I'm now planning on moving to be with him they are not happy. They never ask how he is and often guilt trip me about the fact that I'm leaving them. They often try to force thoughts onto my about why I should stay here (I.e. Job opportunities etc).

Family can be difficult

[blankita719]

I think they try but they don't completely understand what it is like. Don't get me wrong, they actually love my SO but they don't understand the way I have to plan everything out and how sometimes I may not be as able to make certain plans because our visit schedules conflict. My SO works in retail as a manager and has a very wacky vacation schedule so we are often limited in when we can visit. And they don't understand why we can't just close the distance now and why I can't just "make" him move here with me. My friends are pretty much the same way. They know I love him and he loves me, and they do get that it is hard for me to go through but they don't know how difficult it is - and how could they unless they've been through it themselves?

[nic&matt]

It's hard becuase I'm so young that my parents DO control my life (not in a bad way or anything. they are absolutely awesome) but they defintely don't get it. It frustrates them that I'll stay up an hour late to talk to my man when "it's not that big of a deal to go one day without talking to him" but they don't get that I do go days without talking to him. They don't understand that every chance I get I'll take.
My friends especially don't get it, at all. A 30 year old dating a 27 year old, not a big deal. A 19 dating a 16=HUGE deal. To start no one is even in a serious relationship. They're still caught up in the high school "lets say we're together but only see eachother in school and make out infront of everyone" stage. When I get upset about something they jusy say it's my fault for doing it. I choose it but it's not always going to be perfect. They talk about how much they miss their partners when it's been 6 hours. I'll make a remark of sympathy like, "I totally understand" (kinda sarcastic too) and they'll say, "It's not the same at all! Your totally used to it!" What?!? Seriously? *sigh*
But I'm set to just prove everyone wrong. We're awesome and can pull it off!

[sabby64]

My mom is extremely supportive because she's been in an LDR with her boyfriend for two years now, and she knows how hard it is My dad likes Brandon, and thinks it's pretty damn awesome we can keep this relationship going while apart for so long. The rest of my family thinks this is awesome. As for my friends... well the one friend who actually talks about it she thinks that I'm really strong for being able to keep this alive, she ended up going LD with her boyfriend at the same time and they couldn't make it work, and she thinks Brandon's really good for me. Besides, most of everyone my age is going through the same thing because of school and getting jobs and stuff, so everyones pretty much in the same boat.

All the people in my life are pretty supportive of me in general. Unfortunately all of them are also hundreds of kilometers away. Here noone really cares, if they know at all.

[lucybelle]

Well in my situation I guess I rarely even talk to other people about my SO like he's my boyfriend. We only became "official" a couple months ago and for about a year and a half before that we were in an open relationship. So I just called him my "friend" or "special friend". And now since he's moving in with me he's accepted as a boyfriend.

Plus my dad is doing long distance with his girlfriend. And my sister is doing it with her boyfriend. Though neither are quite as far as my SO and I. We're just a family of LDRs!

[lucybelle]

Double post! oops!

[Lumos]

I don't really talk about my relationship to anybody. My family knows I have a boyfriend of course, he's stayed with us a few times, but I've never discussed the matter with them. I really have no idea how they feel about it. If they disapprove of us being LDR, it's not to the extent that they complain about it to me or try to make it hard for us to meet up. They always let him come over for a week or two when I ask permission

As for my friends, none of them are really close. I have no idea if half of them even know I have a boyfriend.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

My family has known my boyfriend as long as I have, which is our whole lives lol. They love him and are so glad I'm dating him. They're so supportive of me and try to help me as much as I can through this, but they don't TRULY understand what I'm going through and how I'm feeling. Nobody does...well, none of my close friends or relatives either, except for one amazing friend who is also in an LDR, but not as far away as my SO and I are.

[bluepotato1236]

At the beginning of my relationship, my family and friends are not really supportive. But after awhile, they see that we really love each other and still going strong even when we are apart..They start to be supportive. and now he is moving to me, living with me and planning for marriage, it proved them that we are really serious about each other.

Be strong and dont really think about what your parents/friends said about your LDR.. You know you two love each other and thats all that matter. Good luck!:-)

[BabyGund]

I think my parents learned not to say anything about who I date. But then again, I'm almost 40. They are only concerned once my daughter, their granddaughter, will be involved. At this point, I haven't dated anyone serious enough to have him meet my daughter. As well as things are going between The Boy and I, I am still leery of him meeting my daughter. He will have to, at some point. But I figure until the relationship is serious, ie making plans to close the distance and/or engagement, there's no need.

[LostInLove]

I'm pretty lucky friend-wise. My SO and I were close distance for a bit, so the one's I talk to the most about him got to see us together (and the huge build-up that led us to being together) and understand why I'm doing it. Two of them have even been in LDR's before. So they're great.

My parent's...not so much. They are accepting, kind of, but they both have said things to try and discourage me from continuing my relationship. They get it, I think, they just don't want me to do it. Which is hypocritical in my mind, because they were in an LDR right up to their marriage. But whatever.

[FadedSunrise]

Family is not supportive AT ALL. The more I attempted to reason them into being supportive, the worse it got, actually. The rest of the details of that fiasco are on my blog...

After that happened, I kind of swept the issue under the rug. I was shellshocked and about to follow exactly as they say for a while-read: break up, "stay friends", contact him less and just create distance...but then I realized the truth of what I want in time. Now for the time being I'm doing a lot of phone calls in school parking lots after class, more iming than vid chatting...and just getting by on secrecy. I figure in time the resolution to that will come. Till then I'm not giving this up.

The best friend is VERY supportive. She and I went to China together and both met him, and I keep feeding her all the stories bit by bit, thus, she has a very good idea of the kind of guy he is. Other friends are also supportive enough, but they don't really know him, so they can't be as enthusiastic as she is.