Overwhelming insecurity.

[beaton]

OK, so, I sat down to last night to write my SO a cute letter for V-day. As I was writing it, a few hours flew by as I tried to figure out what I wanted to say. I wanted it to be light hearted, but when I reread it I realized that a) it's way too heavy emotionally to send him, and what's even more frightening is that b) I meant every word. I'm falling for him, hard.

I know for a fact that he's taking it much more slowly, and that if I told him how strongly I feel, it would scare him away. I thought I was taking it slowly. I thought I had control of this.
I had a panic attack over it today. Realizing these feelings is making me second guess everything. What if I'm not living up to his "idea" of me? What if I have some fatal flaw that he just hasn't noticed yet?? Suddenly, I feel completely vulnerable. Suddenly, if we break up, it's going to matter. A lot.
I wish, so hard, that I could tell him how I feel, but I don't want to ruin it. If I told him, he would freeze up. He's not ready for that commitment. I don't know how to handle this. I'm seeing him next weekend and dreading it now because I don't know how to handle these emotions.
What do I do?

[Miramaid]

That is a tough one.
The obvious answer is to get busy and start doing something to talke your mind off of it, but I know it is hard to do.
Just wishing you good luck! Hopefully he will be on teh same page soon. I do not know how old you guys are, but may be it is just a matter of time

[TknandLvnIt]

I felt similarly with my SO...I knew I was falling hard but it was hard for both of us to admit. It took about a year for us to become official after we began "talking" but I remember feeling so much for him the first Valentine's Day that passed after that but not wanting to say too much. I found a card that said simply I don't know what the future holds but I'm glad that I met you. You can go to the store and maybe take a look at a couple of "new relationship" cards and get some ideas from there for how to say something meaningful without bearing your soul. I also found that finishing the letter and reading it when I felt the urge to blurt it out helped me calm the feeling a bit. Allow him to control the pace of the relationship and maybe that will help you to be more at ease. He is with you because he wants to be don't doubt whether you are fulfilling what he wants...if you weren't he wouldn't be with you simple as that.