jealousy

[vpavelock]

I was curious what you all think about jealousy? Does this show mistrust or does it show that you care too much? What does jealousy in a relationship mean to you?

[Miramaid]

It means a person (or me) have a genetic predisposition to be jealous, that is what they have seen in their families, they most likely have been hurt before, and they are afraid to be betrayed by someone they love.

[Caitlin2009]

to me it means i love you and i dont wanna lose so i get a bit jelous from time to time

[Rugger]

It means that you are afraid to lose the other person. That's what I find myself thinking when I get jealous.

[BabyGund]

Jealousy feeds on feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over possibly losing something or someone you love. Although it is most often seen as a negative emotion, I think it does have some positives. Normal jealousy is a sign that one partner cares about the other and values the relationship. That's fine. It's when it turns abnormal, then it's gone too far.

I tease The Boy about being a huge flirt - part of that is based on some insecurity on my part. But I also know it boosts his ego a bit - it shows that I worry other women will find him attractive, which makes him believe and feel he is attractive. That's normal jealousy.

But I could see his flirting as a means for him to get numbers, or he's cheating on me. Then I resort to going thru his cell phone to see if there's numbers I don't recognize. Or worry about him being in social situations when I am not there, like at a party or a club. Then I call him or ask him to call me several times during the course of the evening to "check in". It becomes a force of control over the SO. That's abnormal jealousy.

FTR, there is no genetic predisposition to jealousy. It's an emotion, not a medical condition. However, if one is diagnosed with paranoia and schizophrenia, those can cause delusions of unfaithfulness, causing a jealous reaction .

[KatyCakes10]

I think getting jealous can be pretty natural. It's kind of like my instinct even though I trust my SO with everything he does. It just happens some times.

[TknandLvnIt]

I think jealousy may stem from a rational feelings but it is in fact often pretty irrational...I trust my SO and vice versa but we get jealous a bit more because of the distance...I do think it stems from an emotional attachment but its based on insecurities, unspoken worries about the distance and a lot of other things that cause simple things to seem like more

[Miramaid]

But I could see his flirting as a means for him to get numbers, or he's cheating on me. Then I resort to going thru his cell phone to see if there's numbers I don't recognize. Or worry about him being in social situations when I am not there, like at a party or a club. Then I call him or ask him to call me several times during the course of the evening to "check in". It becomes a force of control over the SO. That's abnormal jealousy.
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And how would you feel about that if you knew he cheated on his previous girlfriends and girls in fact do approach him and there are in fact situations when you would not know whatsoever if anything happened or not?
Also, how is it not normal and not reasonable to ask to call when he gets home (not several times, but when he gets home for sure?)

[sabby64]

I don't get jealous of other girls around my SO, I'm only ever jealous that he's where I wanna be and I want to switch places with him XD And he doesn't get jealous. Of anything. Ever.

For me, a little jealousy is healthy, it's a sign that you care about the person you love, but too much of it can be seriously harmful to your relationship.

[Moon]

And how would you feel about that if you knew he cheated on his previous girlfriends and girls in fact do approach him and there are in fact situations when you would not know whatsoever if anything happened or not?
Also, how is it not normal and not reasonable to ask to call when he gets home (not several times, but when he gets home for sure?)

Tissa, it's called trust. Plain and simple. If you can't trust the guy, and his past bothers you that much, you shouldn't be with him.
I never, ever tell my guy to call me when he gets in, I'm not his mother and he's an adult; free to do as he pleases. Its nice when he does, or sends a quick message letting me know he's on his way out, so not to wait for him, but it's not required and I don't worry he's doing anything wrong. I trust him. I'd NEVER be with him if I didn't.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

I think jealousy is just a part of human nature...its our insecurities that we have coming to the surface. We love our partners so much that we don't want to lose them. The thought of someone else possibly "threatening" that causes the jealousy to stir...humans are very possessive and people in love are possessive of the ones they love. I don't think it's a bad thing in small doses, but if it gets to the point where jealousy controls the relationship and prevents a person or their SO from going places or just spending time with friends, then it can be a bad thing.

[BabyGund]

Tissa, it's called trust. Plain and simple. If you can't trust the guy, and his past bothers you that much, you shouldn't be with him.
I never, ever tell my guy to call me when he gets in, I'm not his mother and he's an adult; free to do as he pleases. Its nice when he does, or sends a quick message letting me know he's on his way out, so not to wait for him, but it's not required and I don't worry he's doing anything wrong. I trust him. I'd NEVER be with him if I didn't.

Thank you, Moon. My sentiments exactly.

[Miramaid]

If you guys can trust blindly, even knowing your man's/women's past, I am very glad you are able to do it. But not all the people are ready to just blindly trust like that. That blindness may hurt very badly if you find out the opposite.

[Rugger]

If you guys can trust blindly, even knowing your man's/women's past, I am very glad you are able to do it. But not all the people are ready to just blindly trust like that. That blindness may hurt very badly if you find out the opposite.

They aren't saying ignore it. They are saying accept it. What happened in the past, happened in the past. You can't change it so why bother worrying about it?

[Moon]

If you guys can trust blindly, even knowing your man's/women's past, I am very glad you are able to do it. But not all the people are ready to just blindly trust like that. That blindness may hurt very badly if you find out the opposite.

LOL!! Nope, not blind trust at all, you're completely missing the point. My BF EARNED my trust, if he wasn't trustworthy I have the strength and guts to walk away. I respect myself enough to not ever put myself through what you do. I like being happy. If his past was so bad that I had to torture myself about it, again, I wouldn't be with him.