Something went really wrong!!

[uniquefem]

I am still in shock. That i feel numb.

Its all began when he didn't contact me over 48 hours. No offline msgs, no sms.. no phone calls. The worse, when i was waiting for him to get online until 11.30 at night he just pop up and said he just talk on skype with his dad... i was online too.. he could say something and not made me waiting.. after that.. no news from him for like 2 days.

I tried to call, i send him sms, its 4 sms. I think its normal, and also try to call him like 3 times. And then last night, i think he should know that i am worry about him, i wrote him a mail.

I was upset. I told him, that i know he is an extremely busy guy, i only one one single line to tell where he's about.. just a msg to let me know he is healthy and alive. I am not a nagging type of gf... i don't like that too.

I just ask him.. what happens with saying "good night" every night? we do made promise to say that every single night. And its enough if its only an offline msg, sms ...anything! doesn't necessary have to call.

I said, have fun, and good night. Not signed with love, hugs or kiss like i always did on every msg that i wrote to him. I was frustrated... its just simple request...

He send me reply this morning.. on the VALENTINE DAY morning. Said, he is very sorry, said.. he was unable to love me back, he just like computer, doesn't know love, and doesn't deserve love. He was very sorry that he hurt me, and i deserve someone who could love me the way i love him. He had problem with communication, not the communication instruments, but he can not communicate well to anyone!! he said he hurt everyone, and now he hurt me, and he cried while he mail me because he doesn't want to hurt me.

What???!!!

I am confuse. I know.. this is pretty harsh to say.. but i don't know if he emotionally crippled. He doesn't know to love??? and doesn't deserve to be loved??

Less than 3 days ago, he still this guy who encourage me to finish my passport and visa, the guy who said everything will be all right and i will get the visa and we will meet.

I was frustrated.. and the fact that also made him frustrated just drive me nuts.. whats happen?

I just wrote back to him and said... i love him so very much, i don't want to loose him. He is a human, he care for me.. etc. I wish he could call me whenever he decide to talk with me.

So ... guys... valentine days sucks... i don't know what happen.. really.. i don't know how to made him talk as... he as i said.. he can not understand what love is (after feeling worry when i got hurt, and all things happens when we met in Macau.. he said he don't know-amazing..i know)

I am confuse--so i just sit here and wait.. i don't want to push him.. because i don't want to loose him...for sure i don't want to loose contact with him.. as i don't know whats going on...

Oh.. darn... i don't know what else i could do for him to make him feel better!!!!

Any advise guys? cause i'm totally confuse... what went wrong.. (what could possible happens during those 2 days?)

[Miramaid]

do not bug him or call him or contact him. If he won't miss you and won't miss your "good nights" - he is not the one for you. You are a wonderful girl and you deserve someone who will care for you and love you, who will miss you and miss your voice and who will come back to you after every fight etc. etc. If he is not the one, then look around because THE ONE is somewhere around and he may not see you because you have that sad face on right now.
Many people are alone on Valentine and it does suck, but let's not forget, life goes on and there will be another Valentine. In the mean time, I do wish you a Happy Valentine, full of love to yourself and free of love that is not true. True love will find you. Do not cry.

[mllebamako]

I'm so sorry to hear this uniquefem I wonder if something happened in his life to make him change so suddenly? It sounds like he is depressed and worrying about not being a good enough man for you.

I hope that things get better and he realizes him mistake. ((hugs))

[nicole]

I'm sorry that is awful I too wonder if something happened, to make him suddenly feel that way... He sounds to not have confidence in himself, or believe in himself, which is very sad. Everyone deserves to love and be loved.

I would give him a few days to think, then maybe send just one message to let him know you care, and if he needs to talk about this, you are there.

*hugs* from me

[uniquefem]

I just got here and see all the replies... just an update:

I went online and see him online. I say Happy Valentine Days to him, and he said happy valentine days to you. Its like nothing ever happens.. and no mails was sent.

I ask how his sleep, is he ok.. he said hes ok, just start his day. It was like normal conversation.

Then i ask him about mail that i sent. He just went for like 45 min silence, when i am about to break down and cry (yes sorry guys-i sound begging)

He suddenly reply said, hey everything will be all right.

Just like that, and he said he have to go to Monday meeting (its morning there). He said he will talk about this tonight. I said i'll be online.

Its just add up more confusion for me. Whats with "everything will be all right"??

I'll kept you posted, thanks.. you all very nice thank you for the reply here... (sigh) i hope we could make everything clear tonight...

[Karringtyn]

The only one who knows what he meant by "everything will be alright" is him. To me after everything he has said and done recently, I would take it that he means you will be ok and get through this. My best advice? STOP contacting him and pushing him. If someone pushes me and calls/texts constantly I really get bothered especially when I have asked for space.

I wish you the best...give yourself lots of love today and know that EVERTHING WILL be alright. You will get through this...

[uniquefem]

First of all:
Thanks @ everyone advise and support here its hell of a day for me.

I went here after i had conversation with him...

Update:
When i went back home after getting some blue berry cheese cake for my self (just a slice), i went online again. He pop up and ask if i am still on the case-i said yes, your case..

So we talk... its a huge emotional chat, as both of us frustrated. Me frustrated because i think he got me wrong for every single msg i gave him, he got frustrated because i frustrated.

He got so upset, that he let go everything, all out. He is the type of person who chilling down, never show his emotion, you could find less emotion on those face. Must be the European thing. Me. i am different.. i am bubbly.. i love talking, i am expressive, i am blunt. He said few things that surprises me... things that i thought he like me to do, apparently he didn't like it.

He think i always upset and not being sensitive. He said i made him feel he was fail as a boyfriend. These are very blunt.. i never know he had this feeling after like 3 months, he seemed no problem with that.

I got frustrated and mad most of time when he ask me to get online but then he can't.. and he made me wait until midnite.. while at my work i have to wake up and get ready to work at 4.45 am!

I just ask him to leave offline msg, or sms said he can not be online, thats it.. so i wont wait for him.

In all relationship.. you need to respect and be respected too. It goes both way.

So to summarize all we come up with few points of agreements (yes this is very serious).

First.. the plan for me to visit him this summer still goes on. We are NOT breaking up.
2nd we decide not to chat very often, we will do more mails, and if we do agree to have a chat we should determine when, and if he is not online until 10pm, i could log off. My schedule much more flexible than his.. as i dont had costumers to deal with or project with deadlines.
3rd No unnecessary anger or frustration that vented through off line msg or mails. Goes both way-we both agree this is wont made anyone happy, should talk like an adult-i promise him not leaving any negative msgs cause now i know the effect of the msg to him--its bad.. as he cant handle it too well and start to vent it to other people at his work!
4th He should try to be more communicative and tell how he feels about things that related to our relationship. When he think he disagree with what i did he should tell me, this goes both way too
5th he don't like anyone to call him-i told him i'll delete his phone number, i rarely call him.. so its no use to be on my phone books--just adding more temptation to press dial buttons.. no good for both of us.

We say sorry to each other.. he ask me for a virtual hugs.. and i promise him to bake some cookies with m&ms on top as valentines cookies when i visit him in summer.. so we could eat it together and laugh about this silly valentine.


All end up good... we do have communication problem as you could see-- where my SO is too quiet, holding things up inside, wishing i could read his mind, while me i am too talk active, easy to get upset, and its depressing him as he can't do the same thing, and i can't do what he could do! (shut my mouth and sit still?)

At least we both learn something from this... i am glad we talk and solve it (or i can't sleep well, and he can't do his job!!)

Thanks again all.....really appreciate it *hugs*

[uniquefem]

@ Karringtyn
Thanks for the advise... i went here after i talk with him... just read your comment just now.

I was thinking that way too.. there are two meaning, one we will be ok as our relationship will be ok, two.. as you said, i will be ok and i will get through this-by my self.

I am not a day dreamer.. i do know the risks of LDR. Misunderstanding very common as you can not really read someone emotions through the same black arial font. I went online just to let him know i am alright also i just think we do have the commitment/promise to say good night every night.

I do realize he is working when i already relaxed on my bed ready to sleep.. i don't expect him to be there all the time. I just ask one single line.. any time he can. Just to tell me he is ok, and anything... just keep in touch.. i wont bother how or in what form...

I only contact his sms/phone when i felt somethings not right like few days ago.. when he usually contact me daily.. then he went MIA. He never, said he want space... thats his problem.. he never communicate very good, he never say those! what he dont like or what he like.. I HAD TO FIGURE IT OUT my self. Thats how frustrating it is.

But we both already sit and talk about it...

I am ok with not contacting him often as i had my life here too.. had friends and works to do.... just don't want him to think i dont care, as thats my lesson from my last relationship. My ex said i careless about our relationship, and him. I love my SO so much.. i just dont want him to thin the same way

Thanks again!

[mllebamako]

I'm glad to see that you guys worked through this and are learning from it.

[Miramaid]

Is he Russian by chance?

[uniquefem]

I'm glad to see that you guys worked through this and are learning from it.

Thank you yes its quite a hard lesson.. i thought its only Asian who did this.. keep all thing inside and give that pretty smile pretend nothing goes wrong.. and always being polite and sit still etc... also more cultural things a good one for me

[uniquefem]

Is he Russian by chance?

Hehehe.. even after spending half of his life living in other countries like USA and Germany.... yes he is Russian (with those thick Russian accent too!)

Any advise how to deal with Russian guy? he's the first Russian that i know to be honest.... so all advise or stories are welcome.. i want to know more

[Miramaid]

I am Russian myself. I guess I can answer your questions, because I can't just give an advice from out of the blue

[Karringtyn]

I am so glad you guys communicated...really really talked!

[uniquefem]

I am so glad you guys communicated...really really talked!

Yes, i am glad we did.. i dont want to loose him, and he also want the same thing! its just the distance relationship-its the first for him, for me its about the culture thing.. its like 3 hours tense emotional weeping and frustration... but i am glad he let it all out, even its very scary to know how i sometimes hurt him, or how wrong he think about things that i've done for him..

We had a horrible misunderstanding because poor communication :P (which i thought i was good at!)

Thanks for the advise tho..*hugs*