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**Sano** · February 14, 2011, 08:17 PM

@.@ It would be soo nice if I could help you but I think Im probably in the same boat. I really want to atleast get my assosciates degree before thinking about moving but I've changed majors like 6 times so I'm pretty much back to square one. XD I actualy think Im just kind of stumbling along and hoping I'll stumble in the right direction.

**KatyCakes10** · February 14, 2011, 08:41 PM

I think you really should look into seeing some one if you think you are having some serious issues. My boyfriend tries to understand sometimes when i'm upset, but their just wired differently. I'm sure you have a lot more going for you than just the things listed. If you want to vent anytime, I'm here to listen. =]

**Silviar** · February 14, 2011, 09:01 PM

I think your instincts are VERY smart and right-on. At 21 and with your beginning qualifications, there isn't a big job market for you, and the pay is going to be lower now than it will probably ever be for the rest of your life.

I think the fact that you know you can't be independent right now and need to wait for that independence is a very smart, mature attitude to have. Being able to be independent means a healthier start to closing the distance, and less stress on your and your boyfriend when you do move. You want your move to be a joy and a blessing on starting a life together, not an extra stressful time that leaves you wondering wtf to do with no money or means to meet people, how to keep from money stressing you both out, and so on.

Love is wonderful and a relationship is more important than money, but that doesn't mean that money is a nonexistent need to order to exist in this world. Every reward comes with a certain level of risk, and there are many factors to living together that could raise your risks significantly. So really, it comes down to how much risk/stress are you willing to put on your relationship in one big heap.

**heatherotic** · February 14, 2011, 09:41 PM

Seeing my parents' struggles, I've learned that I want to be able to fully support myself without anyone's help before I move or take the relationship to the next level. The way I see it, he wants to support both of us, but I've NEVER been the kind of girl that could allow it. I just don't understand why it would hurt to wait a year if it may relieve some stress when we finally do close the distance.

Does anyone have any input from HIS perspective?

And thank ya'll so much! :] This is why I love LFAD so much. I feel like I have this huge family all over the world. Ya'll are seriously amazing.

**MissShortie** · February 14, 2011, 09:56 PM

I feel I can relate to your situation a lot! I'll be 21 in April, live with my parents, I don't own a car, I make $240 a month... it's not easy and I often get depressed not being able to do anything about moving sooner... I try not thinking about it too much because I do get very bummed out.

Is there anything you would like to do? I am taking a online course with Penn Foster I love the school and the course I'm taking wasn't that expensive. They send you the books or you can read them online and they give you 2 years to finish at your own pace. I'm doing the Child Day Care Management and like I said I love it... just something for you to look into?

**Mara** · February 14, 2011, 11:42 PM

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all though I can understand your SO wanting to have you close as soon as possible. During this year that you want to wait, are you planning to save up money or finish up a degree or certification of some kind? I think if maybe you explain your reasons to your SO and explain what you intend on doing during this year that would help the both of you to start off smoothly he would be much more understanding though I can understand his sides of things too. He wants to have you close as soon as possible.

You and I are actually around the same age. Currently, I'm still in university and I don't work so I support myself basically off of scholarships, grants, etc so I don't have tons of money and won't any time in the near future as I'm changing my major and that will set me back a bit. When my SO and I close the distance, he will support us for the most part. I'll help out as much as I can, but his income will supplement whatever I don't have as I still will be in university then and he'll have graduated with his grad degree and started a full time job.

I'm a very independent person, always have been by nature, but if we waited on me to become fully independent we wouldn't be physically together any time in the near future. Honestly, we'll probably be married before I finish my graduate degree and start working [still currently working on my undergrad]. It's not how I always pictured things going as I always wanted to be able to fully independent of my SO or at least, be able to help more when we started out, but it just simply didn't work out that way. Funny thing is, we both struggle with letting the other person help with money though we'd give the other person the last penny we had.

I strongly advise you if you think you need to see a doctor to do so as well. I don't know you personally so I can't really say if you need to see a doctor or not, but generally, if someone is feeling so out of sorts that they think they need to see a doctor then they do.

**heatherotic** · February 15, 2011, 01:57 AM

I'm gonna apologize now for the wall of text. Lol. Brace yourselves.

I'm trying to start a dental assisting course as soon as I can. It only takes like 4 months or so and I've had braces for almost 5 years so I've gotten pretty good with the lingo and I have a general idea of what's going on. I've told him I want to do this so I'll have a better chance at getting a job where we'll be partners, rather than head-of-household and dependent. And I figured that if I can finish the course in time and start working in my field pretty quickly, I could use the money I get from my income tax to move and help with bills and whatnot until I can get another job in our new city.
He wants to start our life together as soon as we have the chance, but for once, I'm being realistic about a relationship and it just seems like he doesn't care. I know he wants to take care of me and all that blahblahblah, but being who I am, I can't let that happen. I HAVE to at least be able to contribute. We've been talking about this for a couple of days now since he might be moving closer [but still almost 400 miles from my hometown] and while I'd love to be able to just up and leave, I can't do that. I feel like I'll never grow up if I don't go through with MY plans.
I get that we're an "us" now, but I need to be a whole person on my own before it happens. Otherwise, if things go wrong, I'll be screwed and stranded since I know my family either won't be able to, or just flat out won't help me.
I've told him that yes, I am scared and I would like to wait a little longer, especially since we've been arguing on and off for about a month now. My mother and I have always been very close except for a little while when we were both constantly irritated, and honestly, I'm not ready to take off and abandon that. [My mom's been the ONLY consistent thing in my life, all of my life.] I've moved quite a bit and I'm deathly tired of that business. I'd prefer to wait until we know for sure where we're going and not have to move two months after I relocate to his hometown. Plus, I have a bunch of crap, so it would take me two months to get everything unpacked, anyway.

I've told him everything I've told ya'll, and it seems like he doesn't care. I don't really know what else to say anymore. I've reiterated most of my points several times and he still pushes the issue.

And I'm setting up an appointment this week with my doctor to see what he says. I'm not sure why, but I feel good about going to the doctor. But hey, at this point, I'll take whatever good feelings I can get.
And again, sorry for writing a novel. :]

**Mara** · February 15, 2011, 02:16 AM

Ah that wasn't a novel! I understand where you are coming from and I think you are being very realistic and reasonable. He isn't willing to at least meet you half way on this issue? A lot of times in relationships people have to make compromises and I don't see why the two of you couldn't work out something that would make the both of you happy. Has he talked with you about why he is pushing this issue so much? Is the distance starting to get to him?

**Rugger** · February 15, 2011, 02:23 PM

Honestly, love, I think you have a good head on your shoulders. You are being extremely responsible in trying to make a career for yourself before closing the distance. I applaud you for that.

If you think you should see someone, you should. Your health comes before anything else, including your relationship. You need to be in a healthy place in order to be able to really BE in a relationship.

**heatherotic** · February 15, 2011, 07:38 PM

I think the fact that we'll be closer, but not close enough bothers him. And that we'll have an opportunity to close the distance, but aren't taking it. But I honestly believe it'll be better for us in the long run.
And thank ya'll sooo much!

I'm going to the doctor on Monday. I feel really good about going. :]

**heatherotic** · February 21, 2011, 05:54 PM

So if anyone was wondering, I went to the doctor today and have to have a psych evaluation before anything can be done. :/ But I went, and I feel good about that.

**Jrapp** · February 21, 2011, 06:11 PM

Hey, I really don't know how to give advice on this or anything, but I'm saying HI! If you ever need me, you can always message me! No matter what(:

**heatherotic** · February 21, 2011, 06:38 PM

Thank you veryyy much!

**Jrapp** · February 21, 2011, 06:40 PM

You're very welcome(:

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incredibly frustrated and don't know what to do.

incredibly frustrated and don't know what to do.

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