Don't know what to do

[Paris]

Ever since he ended it so abruptly I have been at a loss emotionally. I am closed off from everyone and everything. I have never been depressed in my life like I am right now. It seems like everything I worked so hard for the last year from him to other things in my life all fell apart on the same day. I just don't know what to do.

I haven't spoken to him since it happened and I knew I wouldn't. It's odd because something he said when we first got together is stuck in my head. He said if we ever broke up for me not to get upset if he didn't talk to me for a while. I never asked him what he meant by it. There are so many things he said that i never questioned out of fear of pushing him away or scaring him off. Now I think back and wish I had. This is the worst moment of my life. How can I go from being the happiest person in the world to being a shell of who I was in a matter of hours? I try and try to be positive about everything but I just can't. I miss him and he always made me feel good even if things were going crappy for me. He was the light at the end of my tunnel and now I don't even have that. I know this was not easy for him and I know he didn't want to do it and felt like he had to but it's killing me and I don't even know how he feels. That is what hurts the most.. In a sense i know it hurts him because he hasn't spoken to me. I know he can't handle my feelings right now and it's just painful probably more than he realizes. I will be going back in a couple weeks to talk to him. I sent him a video saying hi and telling him how i will be there the details of where I will be staying. I told him that either way we need to talk. I told him I needed either a good bye see you later or a good bye all together. I never asked for anything from him but this time I am. I am so scared because I don't know what to expect. I feel like it will be ok but then I worry because I never saw him breaking up with me coming. I doubt my own thougts where before I never had to because he always made me feel so secure.

I don't know what to do. My friends are worried about me because i am not myself. I cry a lot and that is not like me. I could be out somewhere and some memory will flash in my head and the tears start. I don't like feeling like this but he really crushed every dream or thought I ever had. We talked about a future together and he just took it all away without even talking to me because he is scared to really let go and love and admit his feelings out of his own fears of being hurt. I guess all I can continue to do is hope and have faith in him and us and maybe he has been thinking about things. I just don't know. It's so hard to know when I don't know what is going on in his head.

I just really miss my best friend.

[TknandLvnIt]

I really think that you need to talk to him but before that I think you need to find someone to talk to about you. I read a quote and it said two halves dont make a whole it takes two wholes to make a relationship work...With that said it sounds like he was fulfilling something for you in your life and now that he is no longer providing that for you. I'm not saying have the I don't need a man mentality but I think you need to have stability in who you are separate from him with your friends as your support and or your family...You should be better from knowing him not more hurt...He may not have seen all that you saw in the relationship and been afraid of letting himself go...but know that doesn't mean that your dreams for the future are destroyed...though it doesn't seem like it right now there is someone that will value you in the same way that you value you them and will want all of those things and more with you. I don't know what the future holds but know that what's meant to be will be...allow him to discover what he wants if its with you or someone else. I think maybe you should try and go talk to your friends or write him a letter telling him how you feel and how it is affecting you...I was in a similar situation my SO told me we were done he couldn't do long distance but when I tried to separate from him and walk away he didn't want that. He still cared about me and didn't want to lose me just wanted to have the benefits of an intimate relationship with me and nothing more in title anyway. He didn't want me talking to other guys or any of that either...so I flew out there not expecting anything just needing to see him and see if there was anything in person...to find out if what I was feeling was real and that was what he needed to feel secure in our relationship...and here we are six months later falling more in love every day...I hope that things work out the same for you but if not remember that you are a beautiful strong woman and there will be someone who will treat you as you deserve to be treated and is ready for the investment of a long term relationship.