Commitment

[Tanja]

Does he know you love him? Have you said those 3 words to him? It might be unclear to him how strong your feelings are.

If you don't want to tell him about this site then don't but maybe you could mention that you've looked into this forum just out of curiosity and seen so many couples in an LDR and making it work regardless if they've met or not that he'd be more convinced that you could be together.

You said you're not even dating and you're just friends - this sounds corny lol but if you don't make your move or tell him how you really feel then you might be stuck with him thinking of you purely as an attractive friend and nothing more. If you want him, go after him. I hope you get to speak to him soon and get this issue solved. Just be completely honest about your feelings even though there's a chance you might get hurt.

[Zephii]

I'm a Blue Mountains girl ^^ and it makes me smile to think some of my ramble might give people hope, so thanks

I think that if he has more of a chance to do it he should come see you first, despite not having a passport. Hell, if you's get together he'll need one eventually anyway, but I know that isn't always an option and you're probably sick of hearing it. (I know I was )

I guess you could point out that it's a lot of money to save up, a lot of effort and a damned long flight for a 'maybe' and that you need to know that you're not making the effort for nothing. I guess if you can, try to set a tentative date even if it is at the end of the year. (Though flyong in the Christmas season is about a grand more expensive!) Having something to count down towards helps a lot. How long were you hoping to visit for?

[Zapookie]

Tanja- He actually told me first that he loved me and I didn't respond the same straight away. I only told him I loved him just the other week. I said it first and then he said he loves me too. I KNEW I would develop feelings for him so so many months ago. Even then I wanted to stop talking so this wouldn't happen, but he insisted. I was the one who made the initial move though because prior, we had only been flirting, nothing more. I want him more than anything and I think about us meeting everyday.

Zephii- If I were to go, we agreed I'd stay for a month. But I would much rather him come here! I told him the other week that I think august-september is a good date, but he was intoxicated so I don't know if he remembers.

This is doing my head in LOL. For cereal though. But thank you everyone for your input! I guess if there are any further developments I'll let it be known.

[Bluestars]

I think that if he has more of a chance to do it he should come see you first, despite not having a passport.

I completely agree. Just because he does not have a passport does not mean that he cannot get one. I do not know about Canada, but in the US you can just go to a drugstore and get one. Also, you said that one of his reasons is that has never flown overseas. Well, there is a first time for everything, so I do not see that as a reason not to come if he can afford to. If he makes a lot more than you and is older, then I see that as the better option anyway. Maybe you could talk to him about this? I just do not understand why a lot of guys want the girl to fly to see them first >.<

I don't know if I can ask him though. He's a very sexual person and I don't want to be the cause of deprivation for him.

Also, you do not have to be "deprived" in an LDR lol! There is always phone sex/ webcamming, and although it might be awkward for you at first, it can easily release a lot of the sexual tension, and it is also really good for keeping the relationship interesting. Actually, I believe a lot of people on here are getting it on just as much as any other couple!

[Hollybear1212]

I know you can get a passport at post offices in Canada. Not sure about other places though. o.o

[LuckyFin]

I don't know if I can ask him though. He's a very sexual person and I don't want to be the cause of deprivation for him. I don't think I could tell him about this website either, as wonderful as it is.

Sex with one, safe yet fun!

[totalspiffage]

I can understand his worry about commitment, but I mean, it's still a bit doubtful. I guess it varies depending on the person. I've turned down lots of oppurtunites to date to stay with my current boyfriend, just for the hope that he'd stay with me if I did. He did, and even though I was sure I wasn't going to see him for a while, one day he just shouted a date at me and took me completely off-guard and told me he was coming that day. He's been committed since we met. But there's age to consider in my case as well. I know I'm a lot younger than a lot of people on this website, and even though he's two years older, he hadn't ever dated and neither had I.

So perhaps he simply had a bad experience before? I'd approach the subject with caution, he might get defensive, but still stay positive.

[Zapookie]

Totalspiffage- He actually encourages me to date guys here. I tell him I don't want to, and I have turned down a couple of guys because of it. He says though that he doubts either of us will get into relationships with anyone soon, so I shouldn't worry about it. :S how confusing. The only relationship he's had before was his ex who lives in his town. They still talk although it ended messily. He has told her about me and she's insane jealous. She wanted to get back with him but he said no because he knows that if that were to happen, we wouldn't be able to talk anymore. She was very controlling.

Bluestars- We do "get it on", but not all the time. The opportunity doesn't happen very often lol.

[MadMolly]

My boyfriend and were exclusive emotionally but (nearly) open sexually if that's an option you could/would consider? Can get pretty complicated though especially if jealousies or "consequences" arise.

[Bluestars]

Totalspiffage- He actually encourages me to date guys here. I tell him I don't want to, and I have turned down a couple of guys because of it. He says though that he doubts either of us will get into relationships with anyone soon, so I shouldn't worry about it. :S how confusing.

I mentioned this before, but my boyfriend used to say this all the time before we met in person. After he would tell me to date other people, then he would go back to saying things like, "I would date you if you lived here!" The first time he said it, I told myself I would never talk to him again, but I was miserable for around two days and I gave in. I was also talking to two other guys at the time, and unfortunately, I was using them so that I could spite my SO, which wasn't fair to them. One day when walking through the cafeteria, I realized that I would just be single for the rest of my life because he was the only one I wanted to be with, but it was impossible. I quit talking to both of the guys and just settled for being his "friend." I used to imagine him getting a girlfriend back home and me just being some random friend. It sucked, but eventually it worked out ok.

[Zapookie]

MadMolly- That's kind of whats happening now. Neither of us are emotionally close to anyone else and I know he finds it hard to trust people around him, and hard to really relate to anyone.

Bluestars- Yeah, thats exactly how I feel now! He says that he would date me if I were there too. I am considering being strictly friends and maybe in a few months reconsidering things. I'm glad it worked out for you.. I hope it does for me also.

[Bluestars]

I hope it works out for you too! My boyfriend now says that he used to encourage me to date other people because he felt like it would be better for me. He didn't think that LDRs could work out. I hadn't really found this website then, so we thought we were the only ones! He also didn't think it was possible for us to meet up, which we proved wrong. Honestly, if the opportunity hadn't arose for us to meet when we did, things probably wouldn't have worked out so nicely. I was hurting the entire time, and I don't know how long I could have held up

I just hope you can meet up with him as soon as possible to erase his doubts. Maybe you can talk to him about this....

[xGabbriela]

I had been in an LDR before that had been a close distance relationship for 2 years before he moved. It took about 3 months for me to find out that he was cheating on me, and had been for two and a half months. It only took him 2 weeks to decide he couldnt handle not having someone physically there but he didnt tell me; a friend found out through myspace.
Needless to say, I was 100% against LDRs after that and anytime there was more than a 30min car ride between me and whoever I was interested in I refused to become exclusive, trying to protect myself from getting hurt and lied too.
Then I met Mike (online). We started talking nonstop and eventually he asked me to be his girlfriend. Without ever having been face-to-face. I wanted too but I couldnt believe that he would be faithful to someone he's never even seen, when it was so easy for my ex to forget two years. I told him no, nothing had to change between us, we would be in something like an open relationship, so that there would never be any expectations or dissapointments. He couldnt accept this. He kept telling me that whatever happened we could get trough because he really fell for me and asked me out again and again. Eventually I realized how stupid my logic was. Even if we werent official, I knew it would hurt me if he became involved with someone else. And I was basically just leaving him free for anyone to take. I gave in & I am so happy I did, even though we still havent met in person, and barely get to talk now since he is in the army.
Sorry for the ramble, but the point is when you have those feelings for someone distance and all those other problems that come with it can be resolved and delt with, they dont have to keep you from being with someone you love and being able to call him yours. And when you are "just talking" and not exclusive, you just end up pushing away the one you are trying to keep, and you hurt yourself all the same.
You both just need to talk about it and see if you are on the same page. Make sure you are BOTH willing to face the struggles and make the necessary sacrafices. If the awnser is yes, then the distance and everything else will just be a little inconvinient, but nothing you cant get through for your love.