I’ve been debating on whether to write this or not, even though this is one of those “only yourself can decide” kind of things, I would really like to hear people’s opinion. I feel I can't tell my friends about this... so yeah I guess I search for people to discuss this with.
Sorry it's a bit long...
Background information:
I’m 21 years old and have been dating my SO for 11 months. We see each other pretty regularly, even though I’m from Denmark and he’s from Japan. My SO works for 5 weeks on a ship and then has 5 weeks off – in theory. Since Japan doesn’t really have respect for people’s life, they often change his work schedule without a warning or give him work training in the middle of his vacation and then they require him to back in Japan at least one week before his work shift starts. This has given us plenty of problems, since it sometimes keeps him from visiting me - 7-9 days is not optimal when a ticket costs between 1000-1800 USD. I’m a university student, so I can’t leave when I please, but lately I’ve been the one to go to Japan (with him paying my ticket), but it requires planning and extra study. So…
Main point:
In January my SO and I had an argument about these things, which apparently made him spend his night thinking and in the morning he said: “What if we got married?” I thought it was a joke at first, but turned out he was serious. If we got married, his work company would recognize us as an actual “couple”, which means he would be allowed to change his address to my apartment. He would still work in Japan, but the company will cover his flight expenses, so he could visit me, even just for a week. And the “get back a week before work” rule would also go away. [The company have told him this, as weird as it may sound. They also have another employer living in the UK, who's married and gets his fare paid.]
I’ve spent many days thinking about this, since my main worry is that we haven’t dated long enough. I’ve looked at this very logically, since I’m not a person who just “does things” and gets “swept off my feet”. I’m a very practical person and have wagered the pros and cons. We’ve decided to start the official paper work since it requires a lot of time and our plan is to sign the marriage papers in April if we want to go through with this.
Maybe I was hoping that some of you, who have been married before, could suggest some things you find important to consider. (Maybe even something you wish you had known).
Of course all opinions are welcome. Like, if you aren't/haven't been married, then what would you consider before doing it?
Sorry it's a bit long...
Background information:
I’m 21 years old and have been dating my SO for 11 months. We see each other pretty regularly, even though I’m from Denmark and he’s from Japan. My SO works for 5 weeks on a ship and then has 5 weeks off – in theory. Since Japan doesn’t really have respect for people’s life, they often change his work schedule without a warning or give him work training in the middle of his vacation and then they require him to back in Japan at least one week before his work shift starts. This has given us plenty of problems, since it sometimes keeps him from visiting me - 7-9 days is not optimal when a ticket costs between 1000-1800 USD. I’m a university student, so I can’t leave when I please, but lately I’ve been the one to go to Japan (with him paying my ticket), but it requires planning and extra study. So…
Main point:
In January my SO and I had an argument about these things, which apparently made him spend his night thinking and in the morning he said: “What if we got married?” I thought it was a joke at first, but turned out he was serious. If we got married, his work company would recognize us as an actual “couple”, which means he would be allowed to change his address to my apartment. He would still work in Japan, but the company will cover his flight expenses, so he could visit me, even just for a week. And the “get back a week before work” rule would also go away. [The company have told him this, as weird as it may sound. They also have another employer living in the UK, who's married and gets his fare paid.]
I’ve spent many days thinking about this, since my main worry is that we haven’t dated long enough. I’ve looked at this very logically, since I’m not a person who just “does things” and gets “swept off my feet”. I’m a very practical person and have wagered the pros and cons. We’ve decided to start the official paper work since it requires a lot of time and our plan is to sign the marriage papers in April if we want to go through with this.
Maybe I was hoping that some of you, who have been married before, could suggest some things you find important to consider. (Maybe even something you wish you had known).
Of course all opinions are welcome. Like, if you aren't/haven't been married, then what would you consider before doing it?
When I got married the first time, I was 21 and what I can tell you is than in the next 10 years, your going to do an immense amount of growing. Sometimes a marriage can sustain that and sometimes it can't, and that's something you'd be taking a chance on. You sound like a person who tends to be more logical than fairy-tale romantic, so you might be OK, you've thought of this beyond the whole romantic notions of a wedding. If you're the type who is 100% sure they could never be divorced, I'd advise you NOT to do this! You are young, you haven't started your career yet, and you need your own time to become established. 
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