I don't know what do to :(

[beaton]

My SO has a busy schedule, and knows a ball park of days he'll call but never really when, so I often feel like I'm waiting on him, and then when he doesn't call (or text to let me know he can't call) I feel stood up. I haven't said anything about that because I understand that that's just the nature of the LDR beast, and theres no point in rocking the boat over something so trivial...but it does get to me.

Last night I texted him something heartfelt, not heavy, just that he makes me smile. I'm kind of reserved abut talking about my feelings because so is he, and I don't want to freak him out. He didn't respond, and he hasn't texted me all day, so now I feel really vulnerable.

Things like that really make me nervous. If he doesn't text me all day, I wonder if he feels for me how I feel, or if I'm in too deep. I wonder if he finds me annoying and wants out. I start to panic. I just don't understand how he can go a whole day and not miss me at all....I feel like he's very "Out of sight, out of mind" while I need more reassurance that next time we see each other he's not gonna bail.

So, naturally, I'm freaking out right now. I managed to convince myself that he just needed space (because if he wanted to talk, he's say something...right??) so I haven't texted him all day. I'm just scared, guys. I always get like this. I don't know how to shut off the negative thoughts that he's losing interest in me, or, he doesn't miss me at all, or something. When he calls, the fears dissipate immediately, and I realize I was just being a psycho. Meanwhile I constantly feel insecure and nervous about us. It isn't healthy.

How can I stop feeling like this? Do I negotiate communication with him? Or is this something I need to work through myself?

[Jrapp]

What I would do is this: I'd sit my SO, Brianna, down and let her know how I've been feeling. I'd tell her that I know I'm probably just being crazy, but that I couldn't help the way I felt. Then I'd ask her if she could give me some reassurance or something, lol.

This is how I would approach it, but I can't say whether or not that would be the best approach for you as I don't really know you or your SO. One thing I do know is that communication is key, so you should talk to your SO about it, but maybe in a different way.

Also, in my opinion I'm betting he's just busy. Although I can't imagine being too busy to send a text, but maybe? That is just an assumption though, don't put any stock in that.

If you need anything, feel free to message me.

[Mara]

I don't think it would hurt bringing up to him that you would like if the two of you could talk more regularly or even set up specific times to talk, but other than that, I do think you need to work on being insecure. Trust me, I know how you feel, I've been there, and in fact, I was probably the most insecure person I have ever met. Insecurity will break down any relationship you have with anyone. You have to work on building up your confidence in yourself and in your relationship even if that means everyday you have to say to yourself twenty times that he loves you and he wants to be with you. It never hurts though to let your partner know how you are feeling though because he can support you and help you through this.

[LadyMarchHare]

I agree with Mara. The beast of insecurity is a destructive one and letting it be only allows it to grow. If you absolutely need more contact than what you're getting to feel better, talk with your SO about it and ask that they at least try. I know I get bummed if my SO doesn't reply to my texts, but he has a busy schedule and sometimes our different services eat the text so that he doesn't get them, it happens. I think sitting down with your SO, explaining the situation and your feelings plainly, and asking for support and help from them is the best way to go. Just because someone's reserved about expressing their feelings doesn't mean they can't feel strongly about anything or be emotional, so I wouldn't worry about freaking him out by coming out and saying "hey I feel this way, hey this is bothering me" and so on. You can't hide in your shell because he is, y'know? If he loves you and cares about you he'll want to help and will work towards better and more frequent communication to the best of his ability.

[Brandie]

I honestly would just talk to him and make sure he feels the same way. If he doesn't feel the same way, then that's not fair for you putting your time and energy into the relationship for nothing. But hopefully and it seems like he does care about you and has feelings for you, but he is just a busy man, and it is a little difficult with both of you being on different schedules, maybe you guys can think of something that you can do everyday to keep your relationship alive, like if you can't talk on the phone, maybe just send him a little text saying i miss you, or thinking of you, so he knows he's a busy man working towards being with his SO when everything is in place! Hope this helps

[OliveOyl]

im in an international relationship, and my SO lives in a rural city, and works in a rural village in Mexico. Same thing happens to me. Our communication basically relies on him communicating with me. It is hard, but when he doesn't contact me, I do worry, and I do feel a little abandoned, but usually it is just simply because he is busy, and internet and cellphone service is not as easily accessible. Maybe your SO is just busy? Don't think into it tooo much, when I do that, I realize it doesn't really help anything, just makes me more stressed out. Try to have patience, and I hope everything works out.

[Micah]

Usually when my boyfriend doesn't respond to a text it is because he's really busy at work or with life. I had trouble adjusting to the distance at first. I don't know how long you have been with your SO, but it was up until a few months ago when I started to feel more secure with the distance. I am the type of person that needs to see someone's body language and hear how they are feeling. You can't get that through text messaging, and I realize that it brings up some insecurities. Also, sometimes I would say something mushy to my SO and he wouldn't respond. I think he just didn't know what to say because he is the type of guy that is bad at verbally expressing his feelings. And from what I gather from your posts, your SO is the same way, since you said that he was reserved when it came to talking about feelings.

If it is something that really bothers you, you need to bring it up to him. I really suggest you use "I" statements instead of accusatory "you" statements. Like for instance, say, "I really enjoy when you respond to my texts in a timely manner." Or, "I really miss talking to you lately." Don't say, "YOU don't talk to me enough!", or "YOU should have responded to my text!" because then it becomes accusatory and it could create some conflict between the two of you, which is the last thing you want. Just be open and honest with your feelings.

I just think it takes time and open communication to build security and trust in a relationship. What you are going through is completely normal.

[uniquefem]

I was in same situation with yours few days ago. He didn't gave me any msg or phone calls, and i start to become a psyco and think too many bad things... i am confident about my self, but anything related to him made me feels so weak and so insecure! maybe because i want him badly!

What we do then we talk a lot. Agree on few things such communication. He told me what he like and dislike, he had problems on .. showing emotions.. while i am very open about my feelings. I'll tell him how i miss him, thank him for being wonderful bf and so on ..maybe just like what you did... and the thing is.. this made my SO felt guilty because he don't know how to answer to such emotions, because he never used to!! (ya... there are people that can not express them self i guess).

Its just because he never say it, doesn't meant he didn't feel it.

That's what i said to my self. I try not to think bad/negative things too much. Unless he said it by him self, that he doesn't want this anymore.. i will assume he still on the same boat as i am.

I think every girl just same like you, and me. We worry too much, and feel insecure sometimes... this is what guys don't know/realize.. some times what we need is a simple hello or how are you text...(almost same effect as hugging each other) to made us smile for the whole day! and yeah.. you need to tell him about this too sometimes...

[beaton]

Ok, reading all these responses really helped. Thanks a ton

He did tell me once that he is bad at expressing his feelings, and I'm beginning to realize what that entails.
I told him once that when I texted him something "mushy" and didn't get a response, I felt vulnerable, and asked him if he could please respond just to give me peace of mind...he said he'd try to text me more and that he understood--but he hasn't really...but...maybe he just feels pressured.
I need to be more patient and let him come out of his shell in his own time. Gushing to him (which, for me a a big step, but It just hit me that it's not his responsibility to reward or recognize that, it was my battle) is only going to put more pressure on him to respond and make him feel bad. It's a lot to expect from someone to be that vulnerable, and we really haven't been dating that long. I need to chill out.

What sucks is that we're in this LDR indefinitely. We haven't said "I love you" or talked about moving in together. There's no end, unless I get a job in his city over the summer, but then, is he that into it? Who knows...

You guys are right. I can't let my insecurities grow into a real rift. I need to stop focusing on this as an end-all and instead just take it as a chance to develop something from which we can both grow. Whether we end up breaking up, or getting married in the process is all part of life.

whew.

[TknandLvnIt]

I'm glad you realize that he isn't at the same place you are...I was in love with my SO months before he admitted it to me...even though I kept it to myself. It was so hard keeping those feelings inside but I waited on him because I knew that he would only tell me if he meant it and I wanted him to mean it and for the relationship to go at a pace that we were both comfortable with. Just saying that even though you feel a certain way doesn't mean you have to tell him and it will be worth the wait when you can express them...I agree not all guys are good at expressing themselves and sometimes I get frustrated when I send him a mushy text and hours later all he says is what are you up to...But just know that he is busy...but just because he isn't answering doesn't mean he doesn't care about you and just because he can't talk to you doesn't mean he doesn't want to be. Just because its a long distance relationship doesn't mean that you have to rush to talk about the future..especially if you haven't gotten to the point of saying you love each other. Let your relationship grow in the same way you would with someone who is CD...get to know each other go on dates and see where you end up :-).