How can I go through this without hurting anyone too bad?

[KiwiLove]

When exactly are you planning on moving to be with your boyfriend?

I planned to move to him after my current work contract is finish (end of march) so I actually thought at the end of april... BUt at the moment it feels like I am never going to see him again :-( :-(

[Dziubka]

I guess that spending more money is probably not something you need right now, but if you're planning to leave by the end of April already, then isn't there any possibility that you could move out of your parents' and live somewhere else until then?
Stay with a friend? Find a place for the time?
I don't know what it's like around where you live, but at my uni we don't have clases now until mid-april, so lots of students are going home for that time and are looking for someone to 'sit' their places so you can get rooms really cheap.
It would also give you more time and energy to plan the move and your parents could get used to you moving out (as you wouldn't live with them anymore, but could still visit).

I know I've told you before, but I'm sooo sorry about what has happened

[KiwiLove]

@Dziubka- I could stay at a friends house she offered me to text her if its getting too bad and she will pick me up.
Yeah, it got worse this afternoon. My dad was screaming and swearing and said that my kitty has to get out of here by next friday otherwise he will cut its head off...they just try to make me feel guilty.

[Silviar]

Just remember - which will make you feel worse, caving in, staying and wondering what might have happened, or going over, trying, and seeing where things go, regardless of where it leads?

It takes strength to recognize that if you did not succeed at something it does not mean that it was not worth the effort. Sometimes taking big stupid risks is worth it, regardless of whether the outcome is what you were hoping for.

[fiestydyste]

Ugh... this sounds horrible Kiwilove, MY HEART IS ACHING FOR YOU!!! *Hugs* ... but you have to remember you CAN'T change your parents or their reactions. And you can only LIVE for yourself-- NO ONE ELSE! To me it sounds like your parents are very "old school"! They are the type that will do anything to keep you in their control-- including emotional abuse and physical HARM to you and threatening you about HARMING your cat.. seriously-- that is a low blow! Dear if I lived closer, I'd tell you to move in with me until you could figure things out... no one should have that kind of disrespect from ANYONE!

YOU need to be strong in your beliefs of what you feel-- stick up for yourself! It would make life easier, if you could sit down with them-- without shouting, yelling, or the verbal emotional attacks -- and really talk about what is going on with your parents about you and your boyfriend. And after that, and they still don't want to reason or come to a civil understanding... tell them your moving out in 40 min and you'll be back for the rest of your stuff...

Kiwi--- just remember we all want you to be happy... don't worry about your parents right now... do what feels right in your heart and your mind, and stick to your decision.. Be STRONG! and we're always here!

[KiwiLove]

Yesterday evening my father was starting to cry (!!) and my mother said if he lays hands upon himself then it is YOUR fault! And she asked me how I could live knowing that my parents are suffering soo much at the other side of the world...I think you dont mind,she said.

I didnt said anything, I tried ignoring them I just didnt answer.
Oh god...it is all so bad! Its getting worse every single day and I dont know what to do.
They already managed that I am thinking I can not do that to them.
I am thinking (and believe) Im a bad daughter and can not do that, it will be egoistic and I can not hurt my parents like that!

But I also thought about if I wont go, I will never,NEVER stop to think about "what if I went there...would my SO and I have a nice life now?"
I will never be able to forget this man. He means everything to me and I have trully never met someone like him before.
I just dont want to loose him...but I dont know for how long I can be strong...I am not the kind of person who is so strong and a fighter. At some point I will give up.
BUt I dont want to think about it...

First I will talk to my Kiwi and see what he thinks about

[Mara]

It's not so far away KiwiLove. I know you mentioned you wanted to move there at the end of April, have you started the process so that you could move there? I know there are a ton of things that you probably have to do before then and it's almost the beginning of March already. I do think if your parents keep this up, you need to leave. This is emotional abuse and they are threatening physical abuse and your mother has already laid hands on you. You are not a bad daughter, they are the ones reacting badly, which I can understand how they feel, but that doesn't give anyone the right to abuse you emotionally or physically.

Surely, you have a friend that would be willing to take you in for a while. Again, you aren't hoping to be there much longer at all. Hold on to that fact. You aren't in the wrong here. Not at all. I am so sorry that you are even going through this though. *hugs*

[KiwiLove]

It's not so far away KiwiLove. I know you mentioned you wanted to move there at the end of April, have you started the process so that you could move there?

I know!! :-(
It drives me crazy...I did start to contact the Australian Immigration and Trade Service and told them the situation about me wanting to move to my boyfriend. They told me I can apply for the student visa (would get it in about a week after applying) and the flights are always about the same price so I dont have to worry about the flight cost.

Its just hard to organise now if they are so much against it.

I was thinking about to write them a letter and tell them if they know how immature they act and that it is very selfish to keep someone just to be happy no matter if the person they hold back is happy or not. And ask if they would like it if someone told them to live their life in another way.
I would also write that they can message me when they thought about all this and when they calmed down and promise not to shout at me or say hurtful things to me anymore.

I could leave that letter before I leave for work in the early morning and after go to a friend to stay there.

[Dziubka]

That sounds like very good plans, KiwiLove.

I think you really really need to pack your things and move out of the house asap. You need all your energy to plan your move, not to fight with your unreasonable parents.
Leave them a letter and your e-mail/skype/address/phone # in AUS. Tell them that you love them and that you'd like to stay in contact with them if they want to.

*hugs*

[Dziubka]

That sounds like very good plans, KiwiLove.

I think you really really need to pack your things and move out of the house asap. You need all your energy to plan your move, not to fight with your unreasonable parents.
Leave them a letter and your e-mail/skype/address/phone # in AUS. Tell them that you love them and that you'd like to stay in contact with them if they want to.

*hugs*

[KiwiLove]

Ugh...My mother talked to me in a almost "normal" way without shouting yesterday evening and told me my gradnmother was crying because if I would leave she is afraid she would never see me again (shes 85)..
And also told me I would shellac them if I go..

Now shes trying to persuade me in saying if my SO really would love me, he would have sent my birthday present in the middle of december so it would get here at the 21.dec (my bday).
He sent it at the 24.december and he sent it express (it was for my bday and xmass) and it took about three weeks until it got here. Now she says I dont mean much to him and that she can not trust me if it comes to boys because my first boyfriend (the one before my SO) was a bad guy, one of them who could have ANY girl and I know I was innocent because it seemed he wanted to change for me but he just used me.

Wohoo,she succeed in making me feel guilty and believe if my grandmother would get sick or die its my fault. I feel so bad.

[fiestydyste]

your mother is a piece of work... I've never heard of anyone using as many excuses as she does to damage a persons emotional and mental well being! Kiwilove... It doesn't matter if your bf sends you a gift or NOT... it's the thoughts that count, your mother is very MATERIALISTIC! "if he loved you, if he thought..." That is a LOAD OF BULL SH**!!!!!!! Dear the sooner you move out and NOT deal with your parents on an EVERYDAY level-- things will change... things do get better... they just don't realize that YOU ARE AN ADULT! And I think that you'll even find out that you become happier with yourself and more confident on your decisions... there is a silver lining to every dark cloud... be brave, be strong-- and follow your heart hun! *Big hugs* I hope things progress to getting better before the end of this month! Yep officially it's March 1, 2011!

[Far_Away_So_Close]

Ugh...My mother talked to me in a almost "normal" way without shouting yesterday evening and told me my gradnmother was crying because if I would leave she is afraid she would never see me again (shes 85)..
And also told me I would shellac them if I go..

Now shes trying to persuade me in saying if my SO really would love me, he would have sent my birthday present in the middle of december so it would get here at the 21.dec (my bday).

He sent it at the 24.december and he sent it express (it was for my bday and xmass) and it took about three weeks until it got here. Now she says I dont mean much to him and that she can not trust me if it comes to boys because my first boyfriend (the one before my SO) was a bad guy, one of them who could have ANY girl and I know I was innocent because it seemed he wanted to change for me but he just used me.

Wohoo,she succeed in making me feel guilty and believe if my grandmother would get sick or die its my fault. I feel so bad.

Oh. Oh. Oh.
Has she been talking to MY mother?
My mother asked what I got from him during the time we were CD. I showed her - his favourite book, dedicated to me. I am a confessed bookworm, and this was the perfect gift - which she knows, because had my I've book obssession basically since she gave birth to me. She said it was a generic, lazy gift, that you don't give a woman you love. She then attempted counting how much we (me and him) speak, and tried to make it look like he doesn't care about me, otherwise he would call/text more (forget that a) he has a job to do and b) sky-rocketing phone bills are not the best thing to have when living on a very limitied income).
My mother made my life HELL before I left, using all the tricks yours does, and then some. She actually threatened that if something happens to my grandmother and I'm living abroad, she would kill herself. It calmed down a bit after he came to visit me and she got to meet him and see for herself that he's not the devil, but it still wasn't a piece of cake after that.

You know what? Half a year down the road, she can't for the day he provides her with grandchildren. She's seen that we're still together and still serious, and it's working its effect. The point is that they're your parents. They want you to be safe, and they don't want you to risk your future. But once they see you're happy, they'll learn to accept it.
I have visited home once since I left. I expected it to be another hell on wheels. Instead, my mom showed genuine interest in him, in his family and in our relationship, and even gave me advice (!!!).

My grandmother turned 86 this year, while I was away. I worry about her like hell, and she cried and guilitied me as well. And she doens't even know the guy exists - we told her I'm doing this solely for my career (she's religious, and would probably not accept her granddaughter having a serious interfaith relationship, and she has a weak heart). But I know she wants me to be happy, and I'll come visit again when I have the money.

Have your parents met your SO? If not, is there any chance you can make it happen? It might make it easier for them, seeing that the guy who's "taking their daughter away" doesn't have horns.

[Mara]

Ugh...My mother talked to me in a almost "normal" way without shouting yesterday evening and told me my gradnmother was crying because if I would leave she is afraid she would never see me again (shes 85)..
And also told me I would shellac them if I go..

Now shes trying to persuade me in saying if my SO really would love me, he would have sent my birthday present in the middle of december so it would get here at the 21.dec (my bday).
He sent it at the 24.december and he sent it express (it was for my bday and xmass) and it took about three weeks until it got here. Now she says I dont mean much to him and that she can not trust me if it comes to boys because my first boyfriend (the one before my SO) was a bad guy, one of them who could have ANY girl and I know I was innocent because it seemed he wanted to change for me but he just used me.

Wohoo,she succeed in making me feel guilty and believe if my grandmother would get sick or die its my fault. I feel so bad.

If he didn't care about you, he wouldn't have sent you a gift at all. If your grandmother gets sicks or dies it is not your fault. I don't see why when you move there you still couldn't visit. They are acting like you are running off never to be seen or heard from again. I would tell your parents that you've made up your mind about this issue and you don't want to discuss it anymore because truthfully they aren't discussing it they are trying to blackmail you emotionally. You can't let them do that to you. At this rate, with their interference, you'll end up alone with fifty cats and I'm sure that's not what you want for yourself.

[KiwiLove]

Have your parents met your SO? If not, is there any chance you can make it happen?

My mother said she doesnt want to see that man.
She is so mean, i can not believe it that THIS is happening to me!!!

At this rate, with their interference, you'll end up alone with fifty cats and I'm sure that's not what you want for yourself.

Yes...I dont know why but I keep thinking if I loose my boyfriend because of my PARENTS I would never be able to forget him and I wouldnt want to have another man at all. I believe I would always see my boyfriends face in other guys bodies and I wouldnt be able to love anyone.
Maybe thats completely bullsh*t but I have the feeling you just KNOW when its right.