help please :-)

[Diamir]

Hey everyone,
I just recently joined the LDR community but have followed this site for a while. I've been in a long distance relationship for almost 7 months and would really just love some support. Both my boyfriend and I are in University, me in British Columbia, him in North Carolina. One of the hardest things I find with the relationship is how depressing my life feels in comparison to his. I just got back from visiting him at his school and had the time of my life and every time I think about his life it makes mine seem so depressing. I have to work my butt off at school, live at home, am constantly stressed, and work a job I dislike to earn money. He on the other hand goes to a super easy college, doesn't work, lives with friends and parents pay for everything. I know it seems horrible but it makes me so jealous when I leave him because not only do I want to be with him but I get sad about how much I love his life. Has anyone else experienced this? Any advice on how to keep myself happy when not with him? Otherwise I just start to think about it and then feel guilty for not appreciating my life.

[Dziubka]

I know the feeling.
My boyfriend lives in a capital city (~1mil), quite central, with his parents in a really nice flat. There's always something going on in his city (concerts, shows,festivals), going out is relatively cheap and he has a ton of friends because he has been living there forever.
It's not that I'm very unhappy where I live, but I don't like this city a lot. I have a few friends that I go out with, but nowhere near as much as him. Going out is so effing expensive that I can't really afford it a lot anyway, though. I live in a dorm, with a make-do kitchen and tiny bathroom (both without windows-yay!) in a really boring part of the city. Until december I worked a really shitty job so I could afford going to see him regularly. Thankfully I've got the job thing sorted out and will start another job in a few months and until then my mum is going to support me. But I still feel that he leads a much more interesting life and his city simply is more exciting than mine...

We have to keep in mind that we probably have a very skewed view on our SO's lives, though. I mean when I'm there, it's on weekends or my holidays. Granted I did an internship there last year, but it wasn't hard work at all. So like in my head his city is conntected with lots of free time and going out. I have no stress, no classes to attend and I don't need to get up early. I might have to write papers and the next time I'm over I'm probably going to attend conference and meet some people who are experts for certain language variety I might write my M.A. thesis about. But I don't really have to do anything. I could just lie in bed all day and wait for him to come back.
Ironically, my boyfriend (and his mum, they visited together last summer lol) is absolutely in love with where I live. He doesn't understand why I keep ranting about it.

[LadyMarchHare]

I think it's normal to feel jealous whether or not he's your SO or your friend or a stranger. He has elements in his life you don't that you wish you did. You can be jealous all you want, it's just a matter of how you handle the jealousy. If you let it eat at you and damage the relationship then it's a problem, but if you look at it as "well his life seems nice, I wish I didn't have to work and my parents did that" without feeling bitter towards him or the others in his everyday life then it's just a minor case of the green-eyed monster, it's human. If it's really bothering you, try finding a few positive elements in your life that he doesn't have whether it's a certain type of support or friends, whatever. That way you can say "well he has this, but I have this, so things even out."

[Zephii]

Welcome!
I hear you on the envy. I have that on occasion with Obi because some things just fall into place so easily for him. But tough times make you stronger, so you need to just make the best of it really.
I don't have advice, you just.. learn to deal with it really.
Where abouts in BC? I'm like an hour out of Vancouver!

[13000km]

I'm like that too, I tend to want what I don't have.
But, the grass is always greener on the other side, so the people who keep chasing the green grass will never be happy.
I would say think positive. That it's great you get to study, it's great you have a job, be glad you get to experience your boyfriend's life every once in awhile. (:
As long as the jealousy doesn't turn into resentment towards your boyfriend, I think it's harmless.

[Diamir]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I am trying my best to not let what he has bother me but it is tough. It gets especially hard when I am super stressed out about school and he is relaxing. All I want to do is be with him or talk to him but I'm so overwhelmed with work. And btw I'm in Kelowna, B.C.! Where abouts are you?

[Miramaid]

Hey everyone,
I just recently joined the LDR community but have followed this site for a while. I've been in a long distance relationship for almost 7 months and would really just love some support. Both my boyfriend and I are in University, me in British Columbia, him in North Carolina. One of the hardest things I find with the relationship is how depressing my life feels in comparison to his. I just got back from visiting him at his school and had the time of my life and every time I think about his life it makes mine seem so depressing. I have to work my butt off at school, live at home, am constantly stressed, and work a job I dislike to earn money. He on the other hand goes to a super easy college, doesn't work, lives with friends and parents pay for everything. I know it seems horrible but it makes me so jealous when I leave him because not only do I want to be with him but I get sad about how much I love his life. Has anyone else experienced this? Any advice on how to keep myself happy when not with him? Otherwise I just start to think about it and then feel guilty for not appreciating my life.

I experience it the other way around. My BF is jealous of my life to a point that I think he is upset over not me not having the kind of problems he has. To be honest it makes me very upset. He doesnt realize that he is making me feel guilty for nothing. It is not my fault if I have it easier.

It is very possible that you jsut do not see HIS problems you know. Just be careful with this because it actually really hurts :'( I know how I always feel like I have to explain myself for having a better life and it just feels like "WTF? be happy for me and not jealous to a point that I feel guilty for even existing!" It really feels like that sometimes!
I hope you are not like my SO tho, coz he does guilt trip me by saying "oh you have nothing to be not happy about" when I am sad or "do not envy me coz there is nothing about me you should envy you have a good life" (when I for example say that I am jealous of the food he is eating and wish I could eat that too)

[amit2k11]

Ill say every body has a different life.If we don't then we are living duplicated lives of each other devoid of new experiences to share. Its good that you are working hard to put things together at your end and this will surely help you at some point of time in life. More so, your B/Fs life won't be the same always.He has to work hard towards his goals at some point of time too. So, chill and cheers towards a life filled with hard work, desire to grow and yes love people who are different.
Stay put.