advice for transition to international LDR?

[gr8shortandwise]

Hi all :-)
my SO and I have been together for a year and half, LDR for almost a year, both of us in the USA about 300 miles apart. I'm in grad school and he is working, planning to close the distance next January.
I just got a grant to go do research in Germany for 4 months this summer, meaning we will be transitioning to a different type of LDR altogether--time zone concerns, more expenses, etc. He has already decided he is going to visit me about halfway through, so that's good, but I wanted to know if anyone had any advice for dealing with a sudden increase in distance and all the issues that come along with suddenly dealing with being in two different countries.
I'm also massively stressed out about the grant because I don't speak a single word of German, I'll be going completely alone and won't have many social opportunities, and I'm not sure I'm at a point in grad school yet where I'm fully prepared to do field research--how do I keep from burdening our relationship with the kind of stress I'll be under?

I really really appreciate any advice anyone has!
Thank you,
Amanda

[prinzeza87]

WOW!!!!!! visiting Germany its being my dream of all the times!!!! dang girl super lucky u! if i was u i wouldn't be so stressed for all those issues, ill be more exiting for going there! lol but that's me, all i can say is ENJOY IT for me! =p

[mllebamako]

I've been in 2 international LDRs so I'll try my best to help

For time zones...I just think the most important thing to do is to set up a semi-regular schedule for talking. You'll only be 5-6 hours apart so it's not too bad. Expect to not talk for the first few days as you may be setting up internet, etc. But once you get settled into you life there, you guys will get into a talking routine.

In your case, I doubt the expenses for an LDR will be hugely different (except for his plane ticket to come see you). Will you have a reliable internet connection so that you guys can talk for free via skype or another program? As long as you have internet, you'll be able to talk for free plus you can call US phones for free using Google Voice.

IMO, the biggest challenge will be your emotions and his support. You'll be under a lot of stress and hopefully he'll be really supportive and understanding of you during this time. Moving to another country is a big change. But you'll be fine and I guarantee that you'll learn and grow from the experience.
I'm wondering why you say that you won't have many social opportunities in Germany?

Hope this helped a bit!

[toggle]

Just wanted to say don't worry about the fact that you don't speak german- my SO didn't speak any german but the majority of the people there speak english. If you're worried about meeting people I'd recommend getting in touch with the Erasmus (exchange) community at the local university. I always find I get on best with my SO when I'm having a good time so I'd recommend trying to socialize as much as possible and really get the most out of the opportunity.

[Dauntedpoet]

We have specific 'rules' we set up for communication. We always say goodnight to each other, unless we've previously arranged knowing the other is unavailable. And if something happens so we can't make a communication 'check in' with offline messages.. we text via phone.. which internationally costs me .25 to send and also to receive.. and cost him nothing to send but £1 to receive. We have the 5-6 hour time difference so he says goodnight while I'm cooking dinner or sometimes eating with my daughter.. and he wakes up to my goodnights. We also send random emails to keep each other up to date on life.. it helps me just being able to blather on to him even if he doesn't get time to return emails because of his work. It just keeps us connected. We have a standing date night for Friday evenings. Hope it helps.

[snow_girl]

Go to https://www.toytowngermany.com It is awesome. I used it constantly when I was there for a year. They have local meet ups for english speaking people. Met a ton of great people that way.
Use skype to make calls instead of calling cards. For $12 a month you can set it up so that you can make unlimited international calls to phones.
Most people know some english there, its a requirement to learn in school. But it doesn't hurt to learn a few word before you leave, they always seem to be more willing to speak english if you at least give german a try. https://https://www.bbc.co.uk/languages/german/

[gr8shortandwise]

I thought I replied to this awhile ago but apparently I hadn't--thank you so much for all your help, these responses made me feel a lot better :-) I think, as you said, the biggest obstacle will mostly be that I will be stressed out from trying to figure out how to do the research I'm doing and moving to a new country. But I think we'll get through it...

[colour-my-day]

Go to https://www.toytowngermany.com It is awesome. I used it constantly when I was there for a year. They have local meet ups for english speaking people. Met a ton of great people that way.
/[/URL]

lol I wanted to suggest the same thing!
Also, about texting: Maybe you should check out fishtext. I use it all the time, just install it on your phone, it really reduces the cost of international texting a LOT. Like, often texting the boy is cheaper than texting some of my friends here!

And really, don't worry about not speaking any German. Germans are usually very excited about getting a chance to practise their English on you

[xopookie]

Well, now is your chance to get creative and send a nice big care package ! But since it's only a couple of months, I think it'll be fine and time will go by so fast. Is he helping you move in to Germany? Also definitely use the skype and send him postcards from Germany. I know postcards from Germany sounds cheesy but.... when you get them it's a completely different story !