I cant stop being jealous

[Cucaratcha]

Hi there !
If you remember me, you'd remember that January wasnt an easy month with my girlfriend... We were just one step to break up... Fortunately it has been better in that side, and we havent fought for like 3 weeks, which was kind of unexpected considering January.

But now there's something else, she's started university a month ago, and she's making new friends... In those are males friends of course... This morning she went to the university by car with one of those and other ones (females as well). And tomorrow she's an exam and she needs someone to explain her the topic as she isnt good at it... One of the males friends has stayed longer in the uni just to explain her, and he will do the same today... I mean, as a man I wouldnt do that without interest, and that makes me jealous/worried. She hasnt done anything wrong but I dont like her to be with guys I dont know

I need tips to think positively and stop worrying about things like she coule fall in love... I feel stupid because she isnt doing anything bad and I worry too much

[LadyEcstsasy]

Don't feel stupid for worrying, it's a pretty common worry about people in LDR. I worry about it with my SO. I mean, I wanted to beat this one girl's head into a car because she hugged my SO lol (lucky for me he's pretty tolerant of my outbursts. And no, I didn't actually do it either.)

My main advice on this is definitely do NOT accuse your SO of anything. If you feel really really uncomfortable, let her know that you feel that way. Hiding it and bottling it up is probably going to drive you crazy. When you tell her though, be sure to explain yourself thoroughly. From your post it sounds like it's not that you don't trust her, it's that you don't trust the guys she's around. Consider getting one of the LFAD bracelets if you haven't already or some other thing she could wear so that the people around her are aware that she has a boyfriend. And perhaps if you get a chance to visit her, let her know that you're also excited about meeting her friends that way you can know the people that she's hanging out with.

Just a couple thoughts. Good luck!

[luna_banana]

I know you're worried about other guys making moves on your girlfriend, but you have to accept the fact that its going to happen at some point or another. She's an attractive girl at college and if guys don't see her actually with a boyfriend they may think she's single, or perhaps they just don't understand the seriousness of a long distance relationship. That being said, just because guys are interested doesn't mean anything bad will come of it. If your girlfriend really cares about you she won't leave you or do anything behind your back. Just talk to her about how you're a bit worried, and ask if she can tell the other guy(s) that she is already taken. However DO NOT try to limit her time with friends or make her feel guilty about hanging out with guys, even if they are interested in her. My ex did this unintentionally, he would get extremely paranoid and it made my life hell for almost 6 months. His jealousy and attempts to limit who I hung out with are a big reason of why I ended things...and I don't want that happening to you.

Instead, take the time to show your girlfriend why you're better than all of those other guys. Be the best, most caring boyfriend you can, without trying to control her or make her feel guilty, and she will appreciate that and love you even more.

[Karringtyn]

I lost a relationship because of my extreme jealousy issues, I have told you this before. The best advice I ever got about jealousy, while it seems harsh at first...reality hits.

If someone is going to cheat on you, they will.

No amount of worrying, complaining, accusing, or ANYTHING will change that.

Love your girlfriend, trust in her, and trust in the two of you.

Jealousy can KILL a relationship so quick. She needs to be able to enjoy university without having to worry about "living" because your jealousy.

[snow_girl]

Shes not hiding what is going on with you. She's being open about it which is good. I told me boyfriend about the two guys I work with that like me and he joked at least 'i've still got it" Haha. I told him of course I did. But he knows that just cause these guys like me doesn't mean I am going to let anything happen. I feel fortunate that I can share this stuff with him and he can be okay with it (I'm sure he secretly hates these guys) but he knows how much I love him and that even if I've driven one of them home after work doesn't mean we are going to sit in my car and kiss for 15 minutes before he gets out and goes home.

[Miramaid]

Did not read the comments, but my SO is the same way. I am not quite sure what to advise because you know she is not doing anything wrong and it is all inside of you all that insecurity and doubts.
I think you should just remember that you love her and that she is not doing anything wrong and that she actually tells you about all those things. She will start lying to you if you start being jealous and tell her that you do not like her to be around other men. She can not isolate herself from the world and she trusts you and tells you where she is and with whom so just remember and value that and do not break it. With me and my SO because he could not hold his emotions back I really just started not even telling him and all it did was made everything between us worse coz I did not want his harsh and emotional reactions and I was hiding things, then he found out I was hiding things and it made it all even worse. Keep the trust you have in each other. She is with you because she loves you

[Jrapp]

I agree about being happy that she is open about it. I'd worry when she started to hide things. I do get jealous of people that get to be with Brianna, but I rarely worry that she'll do anything. I trust her very much, I just don't trust other people. I know there are several guys that like her, and she's turned them all down. She doesn't want anyone but me, so I do my best not to let my little bouts of jealousy get the better of me or us.

[amit2k11]

Well its pretty ok to be jealous. As long as she is open to you and she isn't hiding anything from you, it should be fine for you. But still I believe that she must be true to you and thats what is required in a relationship.Being honest and open to each other. It will grow stronger over the years.
Wish you good luck man.

[Lunar Snow]

Hey,

I've been following some of your posts off and on and you already know that I suffer from jealousy quite a bit. That said, I think that you really need to work on at least minimizing the jealousy (I fully get that it won't necessarily go away completely and just telling you to do something isn't going to make it happen)--that's what I've been trying to do for a long time now. I have my off days and I still will always have some issues there (and for goodness sake, I am human), but you know what? I do actually feel better having worked to minimize the jealousy.

You have had some good tips here already (I especially liked the one about her being open with you about what she's up to, etc.). I think one thing that has really helped for me is to rank situations that maybe would make me feel more or less comfortable on a jealousy scale; in other words, putting things into perspective and also, I should add, putting myself in his perspective.

Since I think that having vague advice in these situations has only incensed me more, I will give you an example (and draw a bit from the examples you gave). I've come to realize that, yes, my SO is going to need to interact with females during the course of his life and will want to have friends, regardless of gender. So, like your girlfriend needed help from another student, my SO (awhile ago) needed extra voice training for choir from a female grad student. I did kind of find out about this after the fact and where I would have been really paranoid about it earlier in our relationship, I really thought it through and calmed down. He needed help and got some tutoring. If she put any moves on him (or vice versa), it would have really looked bad for her given that she was in a position of authority and that she was on campus, etc. As much as you might think guys are opportunistic and will only want to help girls if they can get some, you have to bring in other things in the picture--people can just genuinely be kind, people are looking to build their resumes/ professional knowledge, some people like the ego boost of helping out, etc.

As for her getting rides from guys to university, remember that you noted yourself that it was a mix of people. Carpooling to university is a good idea--it saves money, and it shows an appreciation for reducing one's impact on the environment. Plus, I had to take the bus for my entire university career and although our public transit system was actually pretty stellar, it was such a relief when a friend would give me a ride to get groceries or home from a dance lesson or something.

So, for all the perspective, think of a comparison (and no, it won't make jealousy go away all together, but might help you sort out times where you don't need to waste your energy on jealousy)--carpooling and tutoring seem like small beans compared to, I don't know, constant overnight visits from a friend of the opposite sex or a sexy lingerie party with the guys from the polo team or something (slight humour in there).

I hope this all helps and that I don't sound too harsh--it's really advice from someone who is coming from the same place and genuinely trying to help you.

[amandamayaaa]

i just wrote a thread about how i'm learning to not sweat the small stuff
and for the past few months i have been just like that

everytime we'd be texting, and he'd take a long time i'd always ask.. what took you so long, why weren't you texting me? it sounds so stupid typing that out, and im embarrassed that thats the person i became.

the distance has really really been getting to me, i hate not seeing him at all, and it's made me question his loyalty for no reason. he's never given me a reason to not trust him, and i feel terrible for questioning it

anyways, a few nights ago he got so fed up with how immature i was acting he told me he was just about done, and it scared me so much my heart was racing, and i didn't know what to say.

after that night, i realized, changing wasn't an option anymore, it HAD to happen, or i was going to ruin this relationship for good.

since then, i've just somehow not been letting the little things get to me.. sure it's still hard, but day by day it gets a lot easier.

i've just had to tell myself, if i don't change and get my act together, i'm going to lose the love of my life

and i have been SO much happier lately just because i'm not letting all the negativity get to me

you just have to kind of have an out of body experience, and think. is this really who i want to be? and if you don't want to be that person, then change it, you just have to believe you can

[vpavelock]

I lost a relationship because of my extreme jealousy issues, I have told you this before. The best advice I ever got about jealousy, while it seems harsh at first...reality hits.

If someone is going to cheat on you, they will.

No amount of worrying, complaining, accusing, or ANYTHING will change that.

Love your girlfriend, trust in her, and trust in the two of you.

Jealousy can KILL a relationship so quick. She needs to be able to enjoy university without having to worry about "living" because your jealousy.

Great answer.