"No visit for you!" <.<; ?

[Lunar Snow]

So, after my thread posting panicking about deciding when the next visit should be, I did feel pressured to eventually give him an answer (*decided to make a new thread, since I reply about two different threads in here). It seems like the Easter weekend helps so I don't miss quite as many paid for dance classes and also rehearsals for shows (I haven't had it clarified yet, but I think the shows aren't until either mid-May or early June and unlike at university, I am only in a few dances...so I guess it would be okay to miss a few practices). I did send off for that main job I was thinking about and await to hear anything, but do know that my current job will have spring break then. I think the biggest issue is still my weight loss panic and my pride got in the way of me telling him--ahhh!

I told him that the weekend before Easter weekend would work (since that was what he was really going for and is just under a week off from when I wanted to come) and felt relieved that we now had a time set. Well, now it seems like all that pressuring on his part to be organized, etc. and which I thought meant that he was getting the tickets the same day or within the next few days seems to be kind of unmerited...and I feel kind of frustrated or lost.

He's really caught up in the car purchase procedure (and, yes, was almost 100% on getting a Mini Coop and, thankfully, has done a complete 360 and will probably get a Toyota--like some of you advised, I tried to stay really neutral and let him feel like it was all his decision--thanks!) and also this pet software programming project he has going (I think he has a great idea but now has dragged an interested professor into the mix and I worry that this professor isn't out for my SO's best interests, even if he might have industry contacts). For all of the practical reasons he generated to change his mind about the car, including freeing money up if the software project takes off, renter's insurance, car insurance, future this and that in Kansas, etc. he didn't think to even mention that it might free funds up for closing the distance or even the visit that he was so adamant about planning. Yes, these are big decisions and yes it is his money, but I do feel a little sad that it seems like closing the distance (or even our next visit) is(/are) the furthest thing(s) from his mind right now (I think I deserved at least an honourable mention, even if it was just a mention!).

I do love him and want to stay with him, but I worry that if his future plans keep having little to do with me, that maybe he doesn't really see a future for us. :'( At the very least, he could have mentioned what's up with the visit plans or something, because I am feeling like he got me in this big tizzy about it and now he's completely forgotten and I feel lost at sea without an anchor.

[Silviar]

So ask him if he's given any thought to closing the distance, and how and when. Tell him you just are looking for a general sense of his thoughts on the matter and what he'd like, ideally.

[Lunar Snow]

So ask him if he's given any thought to closing the distance, and how and when. Tell him you just are looking for a general sense of his thoughts on the matter and what he'd like, ideally.

Hey, thanks for the response! I think I got a little fatalistic about this last night, since I woke up with yet another flu and missed yoga! *tear* After lots of sleeping in, I'm not fixed on the worst case scenario (though, it's on my mind), but you are right that I should talk to him about it.

I feel like he and I have had a similar conversation before, though, and maybe even just a month or so ago. He said he was being conscientious about putting in lots of hours at work and planning to upgrade his programming skills so that he could apply for jobs in Seattle (still long-distance, but a lot closer) eventually (and that he also agreed that the job search in some fields out there is quite daunting). Now, it seems like not only are his roots growing back in, but he's putting more down. So, I think something that he has always been rather cagey about (because it's just a personality feature that he is stubborn about these things being his choice, though maybe he shouldn't be since it involves us both) is putting a when to things. I think I have a general sense of that he would like to and how, but no general when (which, combined with everything else, makes me feel a little like maybe he doesn't want to close the distance).

Phew! Anyway, I'll sense him out in the next little while for approaching the topic and, at the very least, if he keeps ignoring the plans that he wanted to make for the visit then a talk will be needed.