New to LDR: Communication Problems

[Amber]

I moved away from my boyfriend to attend graduate school. I will be gone for a year and he graduates college in the summer to then move away for his new job. Lately our communication has been over Facebook, texting and talking on the phone. No matter the time of the day, we always say something to the other person that makes the other upset. Having to say "sorry" and then making each other think the other is mad at them for some dumb reason.
I usually take the 2 hour drive to go see him, but I have not had the time with my school schedule to do this. I'm going to see him this next weekend because its our 1 year anniversary, but I'm making sacrifices to go see him, yet I will only see him at night time because he works during the day shooting sporting events for college. If we don't see each other for a couple weeks does that cause problems in the relationship? He is constantly reminding me that he wishes I was with him instead, that he wants to kiss me, cuddle with me, but I find it annoying sometimes because he knows that I can't always be there. It makes me feel bad. Makes me feel like I made the wrong choice to move away. And it makes me miss him even more.

How can I communicate with him my feelings better without him thinking that our relationship is going towards a bad direction? I tell him all the time that I love him, but sometimes it seems like I say it just because its quiet on the phone, or if we are annoyed that the other is not talking. He also assumes that my Facebook statuses are about him, even though they are songs lyrics that help me with the pain of being away from him, not pointing out that he is not making the effort that I would like him to make. I guess my big question is, how can I communicate with him better that I miss him and we will be together soon, but also need to take this chance to learn about ourselves and each other in a different way. How can we stop making each other angry or upset with simple words? Is this because we just miss each other, or are we past a honeymoon period of bliss? I just want a way to fix how we speak with each other, because I can not see him gone in my life. I've tried to picture my life without him and I can't. I see him always by my side, but I do know that if this continues for the rest of the year, then he won't be.

[LadyMarchHare]

First of all, visits are a privilege, not a mandatory element. If you don't have the time/money, then either he finds the time/money or you guys wait. There are people that go years without seeing their boyfriend or girlfriend and the relationship doesn't suffer much if at all. You just work harder in other aspects of the relationship to make up for the fact you can't physically touch them. If his saying to you that he wishes you were there bothers you, I'd tell him. Just say that you know, you'd like to be there too, but you made a decision and you both are going to have to deal with it. Furthering your education and bettering yourself is nothing to be ashamed of, so don't let any whining or anything like it get you down and make you feel like you screwed up. After all, it's not like the distance is a permanent fixture.

Let me just also say that FB can be the murderer of relationships. People end up paranoid, wonder why you said this or have that in your info, etc. That sounds like what your guy is doing by assuming every status involves him. Maybe try using the filter feature so that he doesn't see these statuses, but your other friends can? That way you can avoid that needless drama. That aside, I think you guys need to either communicate face to face or over the phone about your issues. Text has a tendency to make way for miscommunication and misunderstandings since there's no tone of voice to tell whether something's a joke, sarcasm, or serious. Tell him you've noticed a pattern in how you guys talk as of late, that it's going in the negative direction, and just say how you feel. You can't control if he gets angry over it or not and there's not enough sugar in the world to sugar coat words telling someone you think you're growing apart because of x reasons and that they're not seemingly putting equal effort into this as you are. You can't always stop the anger, but being up front and honest with one another is a hell of a lot better than hiding in a corner and wondering, isn't it?

If it would help, try making a pro's and con's list of your relationship to sort out your thoughts and see what needs talking about as well as which list is longer. That way you get a clearer picture on what's going on, at least from your point of view, and you have a prompt for what to bring up to him. Either way, you need to be honest with him and tell him your concerns and maybe even suggest solutions if you've thought of any and take any negative reaction with a grain of salt.

[Amber]

Thanks so much. That does make sense. I like to advice about how I'm furthering my education and that its not a permanent situation. And facebook does make the relationship harder. I didn't want to make our relationship facebook official, but I did for him. I'll have to look into the filter feature. Some statuses I want him to see so maybe I'll just be careful of what might be read between the lines. I've made a pro and cons list before, no matter how i write it it comes out that the pros about him dominate any con. I've read your advice over and over and have taken in some great advice that is always worth trying. Thanks so much. I will keep you updated.