Happiness

[vpavelock]

So, my current problem in my relationship is my boyfriend inability to be happy without me. I really just thought this was something he said to be romantic, but I've come to realize that he REALLY does not know how to be happy without me. I've been trying to show him that's it's important to find happiness in other thing, bc there's so much pressure on me and although we both don't think they ever would, things COULD end. I just wish he could see that there's more to life than love and me, I'm just not quite sure how to open that up to him. I don't really know what advice there is to give on the matter, but any feedback would be nice.

[LadyMarchHare]

That sounds like he's become a bit co-dependent on you. Does he ever try and stop you from going out, or just leaving him alone in general? I know a lot of people do get sad when they're away from their SOs for some time, but if he's honestly curl-up-in-a-ball-and-cry miserable whenever you're not there I think the best thing he can do is admit he's got a problem with his dependency on you and see a counselor or therapist and learn to be his own person while at the same time maintaining his love for you and the relationship. That sort of clinginess is destructive to a relationship because not only is it ruining him and reducing him to an infant's mindstate of neediness, it's going to wear you down to bones just trying to accommodate him as well as live your life. Just be honest with him, tell him the behavior is unacceptable and it worries you not only for his mental health, but for the health of your relationship.

[13000km]

What's helped me is to find something you're both interested in, but can do separately. In our case he taught me how to play the guitar and recently got me a ukulele (it's still on it's way here), and we'd practice them individually then play them for each other.
Another thing you could do is the photo scavenger hunt that others have talked about on the site.
Encourage him to hang out more often with his friends, he can document it in pictures/videos if he wants to "share" his day with you.
This way it still feels like you're doing something with/for each other and still going out and having fun.

[vpavelock]

Spot on! I finally got him to promise to see someone about his problems but it took fighting and telling him I don't WANT to love him anymore to get him to that point. It's rather sad.

[vpavelock]

That is a good idea. See last weekend my roommate went home, so we were able to skype twice. Talked, sexy talked, watched when in rome together, and just had a really great long distance weekend. It was honestly the first time I felt like we had a relationship while we were apart, which was really nice, and he was really happy. We've tried playing scrabble together on a fb app once and that cute, but the reality is we're both busy in college and we both have roommates so a lot of times we can't have a good long distance relationships. Usually I don't want to talk to him on the phone bc my roommate is around, and our conversations are that much less personal when she's around. I've been putting A LOT of effort into making him happy, and doing little things for him, but sometimes I think it just makes him sadder that we're apart. I always ask his "are you sure you're not homesick" and he says "I don't want to be home, I just want to be with you."

[sabby64]

I have the same problem and I went to go see a counselor. She's been a TON of help, and I'm finally getting back on my feet and finding my independence again. I would maybe slowly bring it up to him, since it takes alot of courage to admit that you have a problem.

[vpavelock]

Thank you for the response, I think he may be slowly gaining the courage to do it. I'm just afraid he'll go against what he promised and never get better.