feeling down
So as I said in another post a little bit ago when I saw Mark on the 11th it was for only about 8 hours. The first about 6 hours were great, we talked, laughed, kissed. He met my uncle right away and then about half way through the night my uncle came back to the apartment with his ex, and a couple of their friends. We all talked and joked around and everyone got along great. so jump to about 2 hours before he leaves and we are in the living room by ourselves he asks me to tell him whats on my mind, and I can't i just freeze up and go almost totally quiet on him, and he ends up going to sleep for a couple hours since I wont talk. I have always had a problem coming out and telling people what i'm thinking or how i'm feeling, and its something I know I need to work on. A couple hours before Mark got here i had recieved a phone call from my mom saying that my grandpa had passed away, and I told that to Mark as soon as he got here. Now jump to a few weeks later Friday the 25th I get a phone call from my mom saying that my great Aunt had just called her and let her know that my 22 year old cousin was hit and pinned under a bus Wednesday morning.
So now with all this that has been going on plus a few other things that have gone on with other family that I cant really talk about I feel like i'm down all the time, and the one time that I feel I really need Mark around he isnt around. we talked some by text yesterday and I watched a hockey game with him, but it feels to me like I know i want him and I love him, but then because everything that has happened lately I start to back away. I told him in a text that I would give anything to be able to show himi exactly how much I love him, and that I know he knows that I love him I just dont know if he realises how much. So he told me to email him and tell him what I think he doesnt know, and gives tells me which email address to send it to. The email address that he gave me was a new one that I didnt have, so I add it into my contacts on yahoo and for some reason went and looked at the profile and see that he made it back on May 14th 2010 and saw that he had connected(became friends with) a girl named Stacy on there. I had heard about Stacy before just never knew her name until the night he was here since he was texting her some. He says that Stacy is just a friend and that he and her would never date or anything, but after seeing her name on his profile like that I started to wonder about that. He has told me before where she works and what town she lives in which the town is only about 15 minutes from me. So I tell him that I know nothing is going on with them because why would he tell me about her or what town she lives in or where she works if something was going on between them?
Here I am just rambling on and not really getting to any point. I guess my point is when things are going crappy in your life and in your family do you ever start to push your S/O away by not talking or blaming them for stupid things or become jealous, and if so what do you do to try and keep yourself from doing it?
So now with all this that has been going on plus a few other things that have gone on with other family that I cant really talk about I feel like i'm down all the time, and the one time that I feel I really need Mark around he isnt around. we talked some by text yesterday and I watched a hockey game with him, but it feels to me like I know i want him and I love him, but then because everything that has happened lately I start to back away. I told him in a text that I would give anything to be able to show himi exactly how much I love him, and that I know he knows that I love him I just dont know if he realises how much. So he told me to email him and tell him what I think he doesnt know, and gives tells me which email address to send it to. The email address that he gave me was a new one that I didnt have, so I add it into my contacts on yahoo and for some reason went and looked at the profile and see that he made it back on May 14th 2010 and saw that he had connected(became friends with) a girl named Stacy on there. I had heard about Stacy before just never knew her name until the night he was here since he was texting her some. He says that Stacy is just a friend and that he and her would never date or anything, but after seeing her name on his profile like that I started to wonder about that. He has told me before where she works and what town she lives in which the town is only about 15 minutes from me. So I tell him that I know nothing is going on with them because why would he tell me about her or what town she lives in or where she works if something was going on between them?
Here I am just rambling on and not really getting to any point. I guess my point is when things are going crappy in your life and in your family do you ever start to push your S/O away by not talking or blaming them for stupid things or become jealous, and if so what do you do to try and keep yourself from doing it?
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