who calls who first?

[JessicaTran05]

Do you mind if you are the only one that does most of the calling? Does it have to be 50/50 phone calls for you to be happy? Or you don't mind if you call the person a lot? I do most of the calling in the relationship, more so a few months ago than recently. I have learn to control my calling because I want to give her a chance to call first. I used to be very obsessive about calling her, would get mad if she doesn't call me back fast enough, and would call repeatedly if I know for a fact that she is not busy. I know it is not a good habit to do that and I don't do that much anymore. Is it the fact that I don't give her a chance to call me? Even if I wait, it will take her very very long to call me and sometime I just give up and call her. Do you guys goes through this too?

Also, she doesn't express that she misses me very much. She once told me that it is because she doesn't want to express that much and want to keep it inside them. But sometime I just wish she would expresses her love more for me. Because I feel sometime that she doesn't care or love me as much. Just through the way she talks is very impersonal.

I have another fear too, I fear that she and I will get too busy that our talk time will continue to decrease. It has already decrease somewhat but we are maintaining at least once per day communication. Does love fade with less talk time when both of you are busy with your thing?

This is all of the things I have discuss with my SO before and she told me that I worry too much. But I can't help to just worry about it.

Also, this morning she was sad at a new city and at a new job. That her job is not going so well and she is afraid of what is going to happen next. Then, she goes into that she has can't go out with me (meaning I am not physically there to be with her) and that I am not there to take care of her. This get me very very sad! And cause me to think (and I think this off and on sometime) that maybe it is better that she find a guy that can really take care of her and that close to her. Because sometime I feel selfish to hold onto her for many years and feel that I am making her life sad because she can't be with me. And there are times, when I want to let go of her because I don't want her to live this way. Being alone, waiting for me to complete medical school, and all the uncertainty that weather she can come to the US or not. But I can never do it for the fact that I love her so much. But I cry a little bit this morning thinking of leaving her after what she says. Then she got worried that I will think crazily, and reassured me that she loves me and just want to be with me. I know that she is just sad and down because she can't be with me. Essentially this is her way of telling me that she misses me . Anyone of you have this problem where u want to leave the other person for their own good? because you feel that the distance might not close?

Well, I do look forward to talking to her tonight. I have a long day and would just love to relax and talk to her. She makes my day better, more relaxing, and ready for the next day! Sorry for the long post guys, just feel like ranting on and on!

[FadedSunrise]

Yes to all three! @_@

1. I used to miss him terribly terribly bad. I would look forward to the part of my day that involves calling him, and would always jump on it. But now that I'm getting busier, and also he's expressed that HE specifically wants to call me, I'm backing off a little on the communication. Some days when its super busy, when I'm out after he's gone to work already, we might just skip a day. Even if I send him a message he'll get to it by the time I'll be in bed, so no point.

2. I have also worried a lot about 2. Because before we were communicating quite frequently, but now I feel like we're stealing time in between busy schedules. I'm also not achingly missing him, most of the time. Thus I worry if I'm losing interest. Sometimes I worry if he is.

3. I actually DID do this, about a month ago. My parents found out about my SO, we had a long discussion/argument, in the end I was so distressed and also fearing for the fact that I'd have to make him wait on me to get through schooling and get a career established, that I told him we shouldn't be together anymore-he should find a girl in China. This continued for 3 weeks, then I realized that I liked him too much to let him go. He also wanted to be back together, thankfully. Thus, minus the 3 week break it's supposed to be 2 months by now. But its only 2 weeks and some change since we got back together.

[Brandie]

with texting I'm the one who probably makes convo first, but with calling, he def calls me first more, but he is the busy one, so it works for us

[milaya]

He always calls first. Both on phone and on skype. Not sure how it became like that. Maybe because when he's working I have no idea when it's okay to contact him and such and now it's just a habit.
When it comes to e-mails it's 50/50.

[nicole]

I always let him skype me... I dunno why, sometimes he calls his mom or takes a call from a friend on the drive home, so I don't like to call him unless I know he's finished. Emailing... is more 50/50. If I have time to get a quick one in before I go to a morning class, I do so, or else he emails whilst I am in class, and I get it when I get back to the flat.

[leonsfangirl]

I always call him first as he doesnt call me as it costs too much for him to do that, but for me to call him it's free (if i hang up and redial after an hour) i dont mind that at all as im sure if it was the other way round he would be calling me as much as i call him.
All other methods are about 50/50.

[Caitlin2009]

i do mainly because she doesnt have international calling on her phone

[NaNi]

It's 50/50 for us.

We mostly use Skype to talk to each other anyway.

There's also ring2Skype (even though I'm not a big fan of it since the call quality is pretty poor) and cheap international numbers.

[LadyEcstsasy]

I almost always call/text/message him first. Sometimes he surprises me with a text on his own or messages me first when he gets back from class. But the brunt of the communication is initiated by me. I don't really mind so much and I don't think he does either. I mean, sure, there have been times I was tempted not to call and see if he noticed and got concerned and looked for me. But I don't have the patience to play games like that with him. I'd rather just bite the bullet and talk.

As for leaving someone because you think it might be better for them, yeah, we've hit that snag before. He thought it would be better for me, I thought it would be better for him but the simple fact of the matter is, you can't think like that. You just can't. I mean, it got to the point where I was angry he was putting words in my mouth and feelings in my heart. If it would be better for me to date someone else, then why was I still fighting to stay with him? If he would be better with another girl, why was he dating me? Simple: because we loved each other and we didn't want to date anyone else, so breaking up really wouldn't have been better for either of us. If your SO is sticking with you, it means she wants to be with you, not someone else. So to leave because you think it might be better for her is probably not a good idea.

[sabby64]

He's usually the first to call, but I'm usually the first to bring it up. He's always busy and has alot of people in his room, so he knows when it's a better time to call then me. It doesn't bug me... I know that if we don't talk for a few days we have just that much more to talk about when we actually do talk then just sitting at the computer bored like we usually do, so not talking for awhile actually brings us closer.

[Leigh]

I would love to call him first but he usually calls me first. It's hard for me to know when it would be a good time to call.

[lovemnmz]

i cant pick up the phone...i only called him once, and it was kind of awkward....and i dont like awkward moments, before he'd left he would call me and txt me first all the time. but now he doesnt have international calls and i do, but i cant make the call, im worried that he wants me to call, or that he feels that im neglecting him or something, we usually talk on aim and send fb messages to each other but its still not the same.

and at the beginning of the relationship we would tlk on aim everynight! then after a month, our convos on aim strted to dwindle down to about twice a week, he was busy with school and family problems and i was on break from school...with plenty of time on my hands, which led me to believe that maybe we were just drifting apart, i was very close to breaking up with him, then i thought about it and said to myself, "i cant be selfish, i have to give him time to be busy, i'll be busy too soon, and so lets give it another month," now we're into our third month and our talks on aim are getting better...but i still feel that a phone call every now and then wouldnt hurt.

i cant let myself think that he'd be better off without me, i dont let that negativity get to me. so plz dont let it get it to you!

[DarkSolitary]

We don't talk on the phone. We text but that's it for phone communication. He texts me as soon as he wakes up and then after he gets out from school so he's the first to text me usually.

As for Skype it's 50/50.

[TknandLvnIt]

I text my SO every morning because I am three hours behind him. He texts me throughout the day around his schedule and will call after he gets off work. The nights I have class or something I call him when I get out and he tries to wait up.

[Far_Away_So_Close]

We have regulars hours when we meet on Skype, because we both work, but I almost always let him be the one to initiate the call. He usually does it by sending me the flower icon
As for texting and calling by phone - none of us is in a particularly glorious financial situation, so we do very little of it; usually, when we're on the road and need to get a message across (travel times, have we made it safely, that sort of thing). We used to do sexting (most of it initiated by him, a couple of times by me), but it kinda faded away now that we have real sex on a fairly regular basis (TBH, I kinda miss sexting, but we're both far too busy now).

The "break up for your own good"? Oh, yeah. We actually had a deadline for figuring out a way for us to be in the same country. Had we failed to find a solution by then, we would have called it quits. That is not to say that the time up to the deadline has not been paved with thoughts of early quitting for the other's favour on both sides. I felt guilty as hell for dragging him into a second LDR, and felt like I'm making promises I can't keep and that I'm holding him back from having the future he wants. He felt guilty for "wasting my time" and "keeping me from having a real realtionship". But we stuck it out, because we both knew we would regret it for the rest of our lives if we don't give it a real chance.