Is it selfish?

[Naori]

So, let me first introduce you to my story.
I moved to my bf's country as of this year.
We will eventually get married. But in this country we are not allowed to have dual citizenship.
So, we decided, that I was not going to get a citizenship here as I would lose my own country's citizenship where all my family are.

But, for some reason his aunt finds me selfish for not wanting to take up citizenship and only want PR. She feels that I am being unfair to his parents if I ever consider having him move to my country in the future.

Do you think I am being selfish?

[vpavelock]

Not at all. You wan to keep your background a part of you and that is completely understandable. Wouldn't that be more or less selfish on his part if he made you do that?

[Naori]

He didn't make me.. he agrees with me in keeping my citizenship. And he knows that one day I would really want to move back but he's got a traditional chinese family.
And they believe in filial piety. And his aunt goes on to say how 'I thought you guys talked about this?" as if I was a child who didn't know what's best for us.
But I mean I felt really insulted. I really like this woman till that moment. I mean I am someone's daughter as well, I sacrificed my life back home and moved across the ocean is it so hard to want to retain my own citizenship even if it would cost me a little more money for me and my SO in terms of medical bills and lesser benefits?

[vpavelock]

I know, I was just saying how she brought it up, if he was to make you give up your citizenship THAT would be selfish. It must be really hard trying to live up to someone else's traditions but I would speak to the aunt and say "I've respected the background of your family, and decided to make the sacrifices necessary to be a part of it, but I want you to respect that I wish to keep part of my background."

[Naori]

Thank for being a good eye (ear). Sometimes it's quite frustrating being in a LDR and moving into CD.
Especially having no relative here. It's like everything is biased to one side and having no one to talk to about it.
Can't really tell your own family back home your troubles cause then they would say come home and you know all that.

[Naori]

Thank for being a good eye (ear). Sometimes it's quite frustrating being in a LDR and moving into CD.
Especially having no relative here. It's like everything is biased to one side and having no one to talk to about it.
Can't really tell your own family back home your troubles cause then they would say come home and you know all that.

[Luisina]

I know it can be hard to ignore insulting comments from family, but seriously.. how can it be selfish to want to keep a little of your national identity? I mean, after you rooted up your life and decided to go live in another country in order for him to be able to stay close to his family/job/whatever?
She says it would be unfair to his parents if you guys decided to move closer to your folks? well, as you say - you're someone's daughter too.. I think she's forgetting that your parents already went through that very dilemma...

Bottom line - and I'm being blunt here:
Your BF obviously has no problem with you keeping your citizenship, so auntie should really keep her opinions to herself.. It's your life, you're both grown-ups and honestly, it's none of her business..

[Zephii]

No, you're being smart. It's none of their business. *Hugs*

I don't think I'd give up my citizenship for my SO either. It's like giving up part of who you are, and you need to be able to go home and see your family.

[DarkSolitary]

No, your not being selfish at all. Your being smart. Your both grown ups so its not really their business.

If me and my SO lived in different countries, I don't think I would give up my citizenship either. You need that comfort that you can go home when you need to without worrying about all the drama about entering a country. Especially a country your from!

[Far_Away_So_Close]

Tell his aunt she should mind her own business. You're not being selfish, you're refusing to delete your identity for him.

[Silviar]

No. Citizenship is a personal matter, and only the person can decide if changing citizenship is good for them.

Besides, if you're a PR instead of a citizen, you probably can't vote, so I don't see how that makes you selfish at all.

[Jrapp]

I don't think you're selfish one bit.

[Riyko]

Where are you from and where is your boyfriend from?