I need your advice!

[erinewelsh]

Hey guys! So, I need some advice on a situation my boyfriend and I are dealing with. We are very happy together, and very much in love, but some, and by some I mean most, of his friends don't really see our relationship as legit. They try to set him up with girls in his area, and they have taken to posting stuff on his Facebook like "Why are you still messing with this crazy bitch?" He does stick up for me, but it doesn't seem to be stopping them. We're trying not to let it get to us, but it's so hard when almost EVERYBODY he knows already hates me, and I don't even live there yet. I plan to move out to Indiana to be with him soon, and I feel like I'll be coming into hostile territory. Is there anything at all I can do about this?

[TknandLvnIt]

Have you ever had a conversation with your SO's friends? I don't have that problem but my SO has made it clear to his friends and family that I am the one that he wants to be with and they better have a good reason for saying he shouldn't. He values their opinion but not if its unfounded. Your SO needs to take a stand for your relationship if he just says shut up or just brushes it aside then they can't know that he is serious about you. Second, you don't have to be cool with his friends, though that would be ideal, I think you should talk to him about what impression they are getting of you and why they feel that way and that you feel uncomfortable about moving there.

[nicole]

I agree with TknandLvnIt, you don't have to be friends with his friends, it's just nice to be. I know my SO's work colleagues gossip and say mean things about my SO and I's relationship; they just don't understand it. We just ignore it, though sometimes it gets to me. They have never met me either. Have these friends ever met or talked to you? If they haven't, their opinions are garbage and you shouldn't heed them. Though I would also be concerned about their behavior when you move there, no-one whats to live in a hostile environment- does your SO know of those concerns?

[LadyMarchHare]

It's a common occurrence, unfortunately. A lot of people think internet relationships don't count or are for 'roleplaying' purposes only, meaning you're not screwing around nor are you even serious about the person on the other end of the screen. Sometimes it doesn't matter how much you defend yourself and your loved one, people are going to have some insane opinions and they will gladly shove them down your throat regardless of whether or not you asked for them.

nicole's got a point in saying it's not NECESSARY to be friends with his friends, but again it's always easier if you guys get along. If they have not even talked with you, however, my opinion is they're not worth the breath in their lungs. I had a best friend who refused to talk to my SO because she was scared of him (lord knows why) and she smack-talked about him left and right. My SO told me he wasn't going to judge my taste in friends but he could not hold respect for her because she refused to support us or even validate/extinguish her asinine claims by sending him an e-mail.

I'm not sure if talking to any of them personally, whether through FB or other means would do much good as they may have the gonads to spit in your face, but if you feel the need to do it, kill them with kindness. Be so nice it rots their teeth, see what I'm saying? It'll get at them that they have no material to bash you further on and you'll have made your point. Otherwise I would speak to your SO about the company he keeps and whether or not they're worth keeping if they can't respect him as well as the person he loves enough to bite their fat tongues.