too attached?

[Miramaid]

Hmmm. It is the first time the system showed that there are no similar threads found.

I have a tendency to get too attached. To the point when not talking to my SO for one day would mean that the whole day I can not do anything but think about him. Even talking once a day is not enough. We usually talk every day throughout the day and it used to be almost a constant conversation on everything: IM, skype, phone, text, MMS... It is still every day and still including all of the above, but not constantly throughout the day. WE used to be able to talk non-stop about anything and everything, now it is not the same. And because of that I already feel very nervous, and feel like smth is not right etc. If he doesnt say "i love you" as much as before I feel like he doesn't. He always says that he is a guy and he can't be lovey-dowy all the time, but in my mind, if he used to be, why is he not now? I always feel a need to talk to him all the time, be with him every day, and pretty much every day of my life I would much rather be with him than do anything else. I never told him that but I can tell you all, because may be I am not the only one like that and may be I can get some good advice. Most of you smile when thinking of your SO and all and I used to also, but with time it has gotten only harder to be on a distance and with the amount and quality of communication that has changed I find myself being more sad than happy. Sad that he is far away and we are not closing the distance any time soon, that it is not always "rainbows and butterflies" in our relationship, and that may be he doesnt love me as much or at all any more since the amount and quality of communication has shifted.

HE left today for a 2 week military training. Two weeks we wont be able to skype and I know the communication is going to be even less. When he comes back I will go see him. I already have tickets. At school we are having a mardigras weekend next week and I only have two days of classes on Monday and Tuesday so pretty much the rest of this week I have no classes any more and next week I have no classes at all because of Mardigras and a normal person would be happy to have some free time and knowing that you will see your SO in 2 weeks. I am being stupid and emotional about it, coz I would much rather have 1000 things to do to not have time to think too much, I do not really have friends here. Just a couple of people who actually have life. I already miss my SO like crazy and I realized that every day I get by because I am looking forward to see his texts, calls, skype...that this is pretty much the only thing that I am looking forward to every day. I do not enjoy things I used to enjoy and I wrapped up myself mentally around him. I am pretty sure he has no clue, but still.
The distance doesn't help, but I know I tend to get too attached in close distance relationship as well. Do any of you have the same problem? How do you fight that dependency? How did you learn to have things you enjoy besides your SO? I know I should keep myself busy and all, but I just can't. I feel totally stupid. I am a good looking 26 years old woman who speaks 2 languages and is doing PhD, but I feel absolutely inadequate and stay at home waiting for my SO to call or skype with me. I used to not be like that and I do not know what is wrong with me? :'( x 100000000000000

[erinewelsh]

That is a tough position to be in. I'm sort've the same way. I get VERY attached, and it can be hard to deal with not having that feeling reciprocated by your SO. There is a thread on here about the "honeymoon period," and I think it's relevant to your post. It might not be that he is any less in love with you than before. Maybe he feels he has to say it less because you already know? He may have just reached a certain level of comfort with you, where he doesn't feel he has to constantly reassure you anymore. Have you told him that you'd like to try to communicate more often? My SO and I are dealing with something similar, but not to as much of an extreme. We feel like we have run out of things to talk about as well. Our conversations consisted of just "checking in" and going over what happened that day, and little more. However, we identified the problem together, then worked together to fix it. Now we make more of an effort to find things to talk about. We play games online together and on Skype, and I got a Netflix subscription that allows us both to watch the same movie at the same time. I don't necessarily think he isn't feeling you anymore. Don't give up just yet! You just have to get creative with your conversations. As far as the feeling that you have to talk to him constantly, that is something that will be broken only by forcing yourself to do other things. You get time off from school for Mardi Gras...GO HAVE FUN! I would LOVE to go to Mardi Gras, and I can imagine there must be a million things to do right now. If you can make yourself find other things to enjoy and occupy your time, you will not feel so stuck on talking (or not talking) to your SO, and you will enjoy the time you DO get to talk much more. Best of luck to you!

[sabby64]

I have the same problem. I wanted to talk all day every day and got angry when neither of us had anything more to say. All it got me was a bunch of fighting and crying. Now I'm learning to control it and I find that the less often you talk, the better your conversations are, the less fighting there is, and the more you have to say.

When I miss him alot but I know that the only thing I'd have to say to him was that I miss him, I send him a text instead, and find something else to do, like playing a game or reading OMG Facts, something I can get into that makes the time fly by. And getting out of the house helps too, even if you're just walking around the block or window shopping at the mall. I tell myself that I need to do this, for me and for him, because becoming too attached is the easiest way to break a relationship.

I made a list of all the stuff I can do when I miss him, and it's in the hundreds XD Maybe you should make a list. And every time you feel the need to talk to him even though you already talked that day or have nothing to say, do something on the list instead.

[NaNi]

Everybody needs a little break. Time on their own.

He probably just needs some space to breathe a little bit from the constant contact.

I know that I would feel the same way.

It's obvious that you run out of stuff to talk about if you spend every minute typing or talking to each other.

[Miramaid]

I do not know about "space" and "breaks". The more I read about relationships, the more I read that in good relationship people do not run out of things to talk about and do not ever feel like they need space. And on the flip side, after reading smart books about relationships, I always read that not hearing as much of "i love you" or SO who needs "space" etc. are not a good sign. So I get paranoid.
Our relationship is not the healthiest, like I mentioned before, but still... I somehow need to have life and tho I know it in my head, I can't just do it. I do not know what is wrong with me.
Am I really the only one who wraps my life around my SO?

[Miramaid]

I do not know about "space" and "breaks". The more I read about relationships, the more I read that in good relationship people do not run out of things to talk about and do not ever feel like they need space. And on the flip side, after reading smart books about relationships, I always read that not hearing as much of "i love you" or SO who needs "space" etc. are not a good sign. So I get paranoid.
Our relationship is not the healthiest, like I mentioned before, but still... I somehow need to have life and tho I know it in my head, I can't just do it. I do not know what is wrong with me.
Am I really the only one who wraps my life around my SO?

[Mara]

You should make a list of things that you've been meaning to do or want to do, but haven't gotten around to or even take up some of your old hobbies. In my spare time, I either read, take photos, play video games, watch movies, go out with friends, etc. The one thing I learned about being in a distance relationship is if you just sit around all day waiting to talk to your SO you are just going to make yourself miserable and that's what it sounds like you are doing. I know you miss him, but that doesn't mean you can't have a life.

I also know it's hard when you don't have friends in a place, but you could always try making some friends or even stick to activities that you could do alone. I'm not sure, but do you work tissa? If you don't, if you have a lot of extra time, you could always look for a part time job which would keep you busy or you could volunteer somewhere. I think you just need to get out and enjoy life.

[adielovesshelbs]

im the same way with my so. before i got with him, i was very independant and liked my freedom. my friends used to tease me bc i would break up with guys who got too attached to me. if a guy said he loved me or if he called me too much then id break up with them. now, its totally different. i could talk to my so for hours.

before my so went to afghan, i wanted to text and talk all the time. i was so lost when he left. i still feel that sense of loss at times. i still want to talk all the time and sometimes we cant talk and it drives me insane. my advice is to be positive all the time. remember that everything happens forr a reason and maybe he needs a few days to himself. dont be too hard on yourself. there is nothing wrong with you. this happens when you are totally in love with someone. good luck with everything.

[Miramaid]

im the same way with my so. before i got with him, i was very independant and liked my freedom. my friends used to tease me bc i would break up with guys who got too attached to me. if a guy said he loved me or if he called me too much then id break up with them. now, its totally different. i could talk to my so for hours.

before my so went to afghan, i wanted to text and talk all the time. i was so lost when he left. i still feel that sense of loss at times. i still want to talk all the time and sometimes we cant talk and it drives me insane. my advice is to be positive all the time. remember that everything happens forr a reason and maybe he needs a few days to himself. dont be too hard on yourself. there is nothing wrong with you. this happens when you are totally in love with someone. good luck with everything.

Thank you for your answer! What if he is not as in love as I am? :'( Coz he seems ok communicating a lot less and he used to be the one wanting to communicate all the time