My stomach goes tight..and i don't know what to say..

[Alexandria Lora]

I find that lately, all i do is miss him! Ugh! And I know he is stressed with his job and preparing for me to come stay with him in September. He has to sell his home, find a buyer, then find a flat for us. So, (thinking that I was being a great girlfriend), i just go quiet.. I say nothing and just listen to him. I have been doing this for some time and last night, he told me that he thought that i was angry with him because i was quiet: "You get so quiet like your so mad at me or something!" That's what he said.... UGH!

The thing is..I miss him so much and I thought my 'silence' was about taking care of him by not causing any more stress for him. Hearing about my missing him and talking about the the next visit. But in retrospect, maybe he is right, maybe I am angry. Maybe I am so angry at being so far from him. Maybe he knows me better than I know myself. I try to own my emotions, try to pretend that I am ok with being far from him, but i am not.. i am a wreck!! I also realize that i feel walled off from him... like my self defense mechanism is in overdrive! I don't talk..i just go silent ...what is wrong with me!?


The best thing out of this discussion is that it ended awesomely.. he shouted "damnit, i love you...i am happy with you, just be happy! Stop looking for things to fix!" I think i do this because I miss him so much..and yet, I am scared ... i think??

Either way, now when i think about trying to talk..I don't know what to talk about? What is going on?? anyone else go through something like this?? To be honest, I feel a bit bonkers... i don't like it..

[LadyMarchHare]

When you're long distance, the worst thing you can do is to shut up. I learned that recently when I stopped texting my SO nearly altogether because, like you, I wasn't able to think of things to say and I was stressed out about my own life when I knew he had stressors of his own. He's been texting me instead, asking what's wrong and to please text more because he misses me. See, with silence, you're not giving any hints as to how you are and usually people jump to conclusions such as you're upset or angry or something's wrong and maybe they're the cause.

Being in a relationship is like being with a best friend, you guys share your pain and your good times. Hiding just because one of you may be stressed out or very busy is not really a good thing nor is it fair because they're confiding in you and you bite your tongue. I'm not saying gab on your life endlessly while they're not in a good frame of mind, but a relationship is give and take. If you miss him, tell him you miss him. If you can't find the words to say anything whether on the phone or through text, find a quote to share that you like or feel is relevant to how you feel. Don't force it, but sometimes little things here and there are better than clamming up and letting them assume the worst and worry about you for nothing.

[Alexandria Lora]

Hiding just because one of you may be stressed out or very busy is not really a good thing nor is it fair because they're confiding in you and you bite your tongue. I'm not saying gab on your life endlessly while they're not in a good frame of mind, but a relationship is give and take. If you miss him, tell him you miss him. If you can't find the words to say anything whether on the phone or through text, find a quote to share that you like or feel is relevant to how you feel. Don't force it, but sometimes little things here and there are better than clamming up and letting them assume the worst and worry about you for nothing.

You are so right!! I just don't know when i became so... insecure in my communications...

I must admit, writing this thread helped... and i feel less clammed up than before. But I know it was just fear...fear of losing someone I miss so terribly.. I can't believe my thoughts sometimes!! But yes, thank you Lady March Hare! You are right... I think I need to take a chill pill! hehe

[LadyMarchHare]

I get the same way sometimes, especially when things go really wrong on my end and I feel like saying anything would incite worrying and that would make me upset and so on, yet I always encourage him to tell me when something's wrong with him and he can call me even at 4 in the morning, etc. I always end up realizing it's not fair and to practice what I preach because I know the concern's out of love.

And yes, making threads or blogging about issues is a great way to not only get it off your chest, but to receive advice and support. We all get bad days, we all have our hiccups here and there, so no matter what you're not alone.

[LostInLove]

I am the same way, my smaller problems I'll babble on about but I've never been one to talk about my big issues. It frustrates my SO a bit because I don't call him for support or anything like that, he just hears how stressed/depressed/lonely I was when he asks how my day was. He also asks what's wrong if I'm being quiet (though half the time it's just because I'm tired ). Recently, he was helping me to learn how to snowboard and I was really frustrated with myself. I was trying to avoid bursting into tears so I wasn't really talking at all, and he ended up asking if he was being annoying. I felt really bad after that.

I'm rambling a bit, but the point I'm trying to get across is that 99% of the time your SO would rather hear what your thinking rather than having to guess. If you're talking to him and you're really missing him, it's okay to say so. It shows how much you care for him. If you're worried about dragging him down, put some positives at the end of it. Tell him how much you miss him, and finish off with how happy you are to have him in your life and how you're excited to see him again for your next visit. That way you aren't shutting him out but you're not all doom and gloom either. It's just a suggestion though, some days being positive is near impossible, C'est la vie.