What the hell?

[heatherotic]

I'm not sure if this is the right place, but I need to get this out.

In my past, I wasn't a saint. I'm sure as hell not a saint now, either. I've done drugs. I've enjoyed sex. I've done a lot of stupid stuff.
But I've also be drug-free for over a year, been faithful since August 18, 2010, and changed quite a bit.

Here's the situation: I told him that I'm going to Mardi Gras tomorrow with my brother. I'm being the responsible one and not drinking so they can have a safe way home. I mentioned something about the last time I went to Mardi Gras, I went to Louisiana [where it tends to be more hardcore] and I flashed for beads. Yes, I showed my boobs ONE TIME for beads. Do I regret it? Hell no. I wanted to do it at some point and now it's out of my system. But telling me that I "better not" do it again is not smart. Nor is ignoring me all day because you don't like something I did THREE YEARS ago. I pointed out that we haven't really talked all day [which isn't a big deal to some people, but to me, it is when we talk all day, every day] and he said he just wanted to "relax" and play video games. Fine, play video games. I think it's cute. But do NOT ignore me because you're mad about something that happened YEARS before I even met you. And definitely think about how you say something before you say it. When he said he just wanted to relax and play video games, my mind took it as "I was ignoring you intentionally." He knows how my mind works, and he knows there's a chance something like that will happen. And I have to admit that, even though we'll probably be over this tomorrow, I'm pissed that we're not gonna get that time back. I'm mad that he's not trying to fix this. I'm mad that I feel like the man I love judges me for my past. I'm trying REALLY hard not to tell him that I'm sorry that I can't be perfect like his ex before me, but he's pissing me off and I feel like he's pushing me. UGH.

Advice, thoughts, words of wisdom? I feel like ya'll are family so I really appreciate ya'lls input.

[LadyMarchHare]

Having lived in Louisiana since I was 2, I can say showing your tits is the mildest thing you can do for beads or free cheap swag off a float. I mean hell, we hold a parade a week after Mardi Gras where you kiss strangers for silk flowers. Mostly it's the cheek but I've had old guys try slipping me tongue a few times and make that rude V-sign + tongue gesture at me after. Basically it's not a big deal. It's tradition here, especially downtown New Orleans. People are expected to get crazy and do stupid things. I've seen guys flash their wingwangs from balconies for beads for heaven sake.

That aside, I think it's a moot point for him to be mad about a flashing that happened in the past, regardless of if it was before him or not. He's probably seen your boobs. Your past lovers have seen your boobs. Hell, google boobs and you'll see boobs. They're boobs, it's not like you grabbed a guy off a float and rode into town on his crotch. My SO was mildly unhappy when I told him about that aforementioned parade and how many flowers I got (read: how many guys I had to kiss) but he understood that it's merely tradition and it's not like I cheated or became some cheap floozy. My guess is it's some machismo pride thing for him or he sees it as demeaning, whatever. I'm pretty much a LA native, tits are nothing to me, but I can see where it's a huge deal with some people. He is acting pretty immature about it, though. What's he gonna do if you flip up your shirt again, leave you? That's a silly reason to leave. That's like dumping someone because they wore a bikini that only covered their nipples and the V of their crotch.

The guy needs to understand perfection does not exist in any human and that if he's to love you, he needs to love your flaws. My SO acts like an asshole sometimes, I still love him. I've been known to tick him off so bad he loses a boner, he still loves me. Granted you don't have to LIKE everything about them, but as long as you can accept them and move on you're fine. Getting your boxers in a knot over something that asinine is, well, pretty nitpicky. Maybe you could have a talk with him about this, if you feel it'd do you any good, because I think if he gets a kink in his tail about something that small I'd dread seeing his reaction to any other past action, mistake or not.

[EmSeattle]

Honestly, I don't think there's really anything you can do but let him cool off. I haven't been the nicest girl either (and don't regret it), but my SO is still very bitter about my past, even about things that I had done before we were together. I don't regret them, so I don't apologize. It's basically up to him to either get over it or whine about it. You could just tell him what I told mine, I said that I am no apologetic about what I did, if it makes him upset, we can talk about it, but it's not fair for him to judge me. If he's going to love me, then he's going to have to love all of me, including my past. Still, I am understanding when he gets quiet after a chance encounter with someone who knew me from my past. I just have to give him a day to cool off. It sucks, not talking to him for that day, but it's better than talking to a bitter and angry SO.

I also have to keep in mind that I'm still pretty bitter about things that have happened in his past too. I just remember that I've done things, he's done things, but the important thing is that we're together now.

I hope this helps!

[Mara]

Hun, try not to be so upset with him. I think that was one of those "my woman" moments that men tend to get so often. Though "better not" definitely wasn't the right choice of words, I'm sure he just meant, "I don't want you flashing other guys." Who wants their SO showing private body parts to members of the opposite sex? I do think once you've calmed down though you should discuss this with him and tell him that you didn't really like his choice of words and you thought he was upset with you.

I used to be a different person, a person that I'm not exactly proud of, and I can't say that my SO judges me for that, but if we had met three years ago we wouldn't have been together and wouldn't be in love. I'm sure we wouldn't even have liked each other. But your past doesn't define you and it doesn't determine who you have to be tomorrow. As long as he loves you today and doesn't judge who you were in the past, that's all that matters. I don't think he necessarily has to be okay with it and being okay with something and judging are worlds apart.

[Moon]

Don't apologize for something you did long before he was in the picture! You were at Mardi Gras, you flashed your boobs, just like every other person there, so what?! He's taking that jealousy thing a little too far, especially when you can't do anything about it now. It's stupid to get mad at someone for their past, you either accept it, or you don't, so you move on. He's being ridiculous, you were at Mardi Gras after all, not shopping in the mall, whipping them out. Give him a day to cool down and hopefully he'll realize he's being an idiot, otherwise you'll have to let him know that anything you've done in your past has nothing to do with him. Have fun at Mardi Gras, I'm so jealous, wish I was going!

[LadyEcstsasy]

Hun, try not to be so upset with him. I think that was one of those "my woman" moments that men tend to get so often. Though "better not" definitely wasn't the right choice of words, I'm sure he just meant, "I don't want you flashing other guys." Who wants their SO showing private body parts to members of the opposite sex? I do think once you've calmed down though you should discuss this with him and tell him that you didn't really like his choice of words and you thought he was upset with you.

Yeah, his choice of words and behavior is a little too self-righteous for my tastes. But at the same time, I agree with Mara. He might be a little confused about how he's feeling right now, if he's never had a flare of jealousy before. Plus what happened three years ago is suddenly very real to him. When you told him at first he might've been like "oh ok, you were just young and wild." Now it's like "wait...you're going back there... well you did this before...I just want to make sure that everything will be ok. And no body better make moves on my lady!"

My SO knows that I was the girl from the wrong side of the tracks and I still relapse from time to time. No need to get into my history lol, but let's just say I'm "experienced". My SO wouldn't know he was high if I slipped shrooms into his salad lol. But when he sees me drinking or doing something I'm "not supposed to", he says things like "Well be careful and I worry about you making a mistake, getting hurt, something going wrong". Sometimes it gets on my nerves like he doesn't know that I know what I'm doing, doesn't trust me. But then I take a deep breath and remind myself that he's just worried about me, doesn't want something to happen to me. Being so far apart can be scary for some people, not knowing what can happen to the other person and not being able to be there for them or prevent something.

I can't say for sure what his intentions are, but before you blow up at him, remember that he loves you and might be worried about your safety - he just got a little jumbled up trying to say it When you get a chance to talk about it, mention that you were a little hurt that it seems like he doesn't trust you and that you can't help who you were before and remind him that nothing bad happened.

And above all - have an awesome time!

[uniquefem]

well... he shouldn't be upset like that.. its happens, and you mentioned it to him, not even hide it. Its not a big deal for you that he should like laugh about it.. and.. come on.. you just trying to have fun and its past!
Maybe something else bothering his mind.... i am sure everything will be ok soon its a cute thing that he vent the anger on video games hehehe...

[lucybelle]

That's totally lame. I hope you guys have made up since this post. I think it's funny and awesome that you like to party for Mardi Gras. He shouldn't judge you. Flashing a few years ago doesn't change who you are. I don't get what the big deal is.

[Miramaid]

My So was not happy about me wanting to go to the Mardi Gras parade. He has gotten very tense as well and said "Do you know how girl earn their beads?" It is my first year living in Louisiana and I do not live in New Orleans. I have heard crazy stories about craziness on Burbon street in New Orleans but here, in Baton Rouge, where I went this Saturday during the DAY, there were a ton of children, a TON of beads on the ground, on the trees: everywhere. And no one needed to flash for beads, you could just grab them from the ground. There was zero craziness and a lot of little children with their parents who came for little toys and beads. No boobs showing.

I sure hope my SO will believe it especially after seeing pictures. I told him that I totally felt like a little child coz I have never seen so many beads on streets and trees ever in my life and it reminded me of Christmas so much and all I wished was for him to be with me at that moment. I bet there is much craziness in New Orleans especially at night, but I would not show my boobs. I am just not that kind of a person( no jugement here. I am just saying that i just couldn't do it even if i wanted to). And still my SO doubts it. He is also bitter about my past, but gets absolutely devastated if there is something about my past that I did not tell him. We have broken up over it a couple of times (when he could not get over me not telling him something about my past). Tho I do not intend not to tell him, I too just simply hate that "rejection" reaction if I DO tell him. It feels like no-win situation coz both ways it turns out bad for me and I feel like if I share I get that bitterness and if i do not i get a devastation. What to do i have no idea. If anyone really has advice for it (and I am sure that advice would help the author as well as many others), I would appreciate it.
Thank you for letting me share

[8983MilesofLove]

Ok well I think he's over-reacted WAY too much...personally I dont see anything wrong with flashing your boobs...I actually quite enjoy flashing mine every now and then, especially at the beach...but thats just my personal opinion lol!
I do think it's sometimes hard to let stuff from the past just disappear from your mind...like, i still think about stuff he did in the past, and I know he still thinks about stuff I did in the past because every so often he'll mention it. But it doesn't get in the way of our relationship to the point we don't talk to eachother, so I definitely think he's over-reacted. Maybe he just needs some time to think about it and 'get over it'? Is he quite conservative?
I really do think it was just one of those jealous pangs that men get, and he really probably did just need some time to get over it.

Try and think of it as a compliment that he feels protective over you and doesn't want any other men gawping at you

*Hugs* and hope everythings sorted ASAP!

[LadyMarchHare]

My So was not happy about me wanting to go to the Mardi Gras parade. He has gotten very tense as well and said "Do you know how girl earn their beads?" It is my first year living in Louisiana and I do not live in New Orleans. I have heard crazy stories about craziness on Burbon street in New Orleans but here, in Baton Rouge, where I went this Saturday during the DAY, there were a ton of children, a TON of beads on the ground, on the trees: everywhere. And no one needed to flash for beads, you could just grab them from the ground. There was zero craziness and a lot of little children with their parents who came for little toys and beads. No boobs showing.

Just because I feel the need to clear away rumors about Mardi Gras: It is never mandatory to show any body part for beads. 98% of the parades, in New Orleans, Metairie, and Baton Rouge, are pretty PG or PG-13. Downtown New Orleans is usually where the heavy drinking is and where the college students/adults are because it's a tourist area and there are a lot of bars that are open and have long Happy Hours. Mardi Gras Day downtown is as crazy as it gets. People walk around in costumes whether like it's Halloween or obscene, vendors selling cheap toys, fart spray, and other stuff will sell plastic boobs or butts for you to wear over your clothes. However not all of downtown gets that crazy, the spot my Aunt, Mom and I camped out at every year had a lot of families. It depends on the area and part of the street but yeah I've seen chicks raise their shirts for a stuffed toy or fake rose or whatever they choose off the float beyond beads. The whole season is not as sordid as people make it sound. Some people, usually the tourists, just get a bit too rowdy and encourage stupid behavior. It happens. Louisiana really tries to make it fun for all ages no matter where you go for your parades.

Sorry I got offtopic. Hometown pride overrode common sense.

[Miramaid]

Thank you for the explanation I think people tend to just believe what is more "spicy" or over the top, but in reality things are different

[heatherotic]

Thank you all for your input. I kinda feel like I wasted ya'lls time because we finally fixed things [including other stuff that was lingering.] So sorry for that. But I really do greatly appreciate it!

*hugs to everyone!*

[LadyMarchHare]

We're on a forum. All we do is waste time. But I'm glad you guys got that and other stuff out in the open and patched up the holes.

[Karringtyn]

We're on a forum. All we do is waste time. But I'm glad you guys got that and other stuff out in the open and patched up the holes.

^^What she said!