Am I asking too much?

[Sav88]

Okay, so...this is about snail mailing. Since being with my SO (17 months), he's only really given me 2 parcels that had personally written letters by him and some goodies. The other things he's given me are flowers (ordered online) to be delivered for Valentines Day. The dilema is..I've given him many parcels with handmade gifts etc. I must say..I was dissapointed on Valentines day this year as it was another online order of flowers. I just..would have preferred a parcel with a card and his handwriting inside it and whatever else. Also he's slack on texting and calling me

I don't know, I do know that he loves me and all and I love him so much. But I can't ask him if he could write a letter or something to me for once. I miss having something personal from him. I don't know if I'm asking too much or should I just be greatful for what he sends me? Which I am! but..i miss the personal touch.

[LadyMarchHare]

It's always a touchy subject. Perhaps try bringing up the letters he's sent you in the past and how much they mean to you, when you read them, and just generally give a roundabout "I'd prefer this from you, and more often." It's not too much to ask as anyone likes little things such as letters, homemade cards or gifts, something that takes a bit of time and effort to wordlessly say how they feel. A lot of people don't bring it up because they feel if they have to tell their SO to do it, it's not coming from the heart but instead out of a feeling of obligation. That's why you need to encourage the behavior by giving positive feedback about it, even after time has passed. I know the one time I made a homemade card and letter to mail to my SO and he brought it up for weeks after, I knew then it meant more than the storebought card I had sent him for his birthday or anything else of that manner and so continued doing that for him.

[lucybelle]

I LOVE sending letters. I sent my SO tons of post cards, letters, all sorts of goodies through mail before. He didn't send me ANYTHING until one day I sent him a letter and said "Well now that you have my address you could send ME something." I think you just should bring it up. Tell him you like getting stuff in the mail and would love if he sent you a few things. I don't think it's a lot to ask, and I don't think it should be a hard conversation to have. Just let him know what you want. If you don't tell him, he'll never know.

[uniquefem]

I love sending him letters... i send it with a pink envelope every two weeks. He sent me things too! he suprise me sometimes.. but only one card he wrote.. but.. oh my.. its means a looott!
I dont think thats lots to ask... but to be honest.. i would feel envy to you with all of the roses.. sometimes those stuff already said lots of thing. My SO so hard to show how he feels, he feel awkward.. not that he didnt love me.. but giving present as he said difficult because he dont know what i like, all he know i love anything "red". Flowers wont be an opt as we dont have flower shop in my town.. and he is like over 8000 miles away... sending chocolate would be like nightmare as it will be melting.
I would say.. you could bring this up.. but well.. i still think that you're lucky because he still send you things-at least!! to show he think about you and do think you're special!

[NikkiP]

As my SO says... You have a right to ask these things of your SO. Try subscribing to the love letter day idea each month, or if that is too often, ask him for letters on special occasions. You are not asking too much. In my opinion, those personal tokens are what make the days go by easier.

[TknandLvnIt]

I think NikkiP's idea is really great that way he would not feel as though its pressure like on a special days. I also think its important to understand one's love language. I thought the ideas in that book were really great and once you understand each other in that way it makes it easier and maybe that's why he isn't able to express his love to you in that way. They have a quiz on the site and just doing that really helped my SO and i to figure out how to show each other our affection.

[Sav88]

Okay I'll just try the bringing up how much his past handwritten letters meant to me. I didn't really think to do that because I guess..being a girl, I thought he'd be into writing letters to me etc. I've always been up to this day, confused as to why he doesn't get that feeling when he's out and about in town to get me anything. I guess, maybe that's just him. He does tell me that when we're together he would do more. He did buy me some t-shirts when I was over to see him a couple of months ago. But it's when we're long distance, I just don't understand why he doesn't have the gutt urge to just pick up a pen and write to me. It's like texting him...I text him everytime I know he's at work, to say i'm thinking of him and hope he's having a good day. I hardly get replies I don't like asking why he doesn't reply to me and all. I don't want to sound like a nagging girlfriend.

[LadyMarchHare]

Okay I'll just try the bringing up how much his past handwritten letters meant to me. I didn't really think to do that because I guess..being a girl, I thought he'd be into writing letters to me etc. I've always been up to this day, confused as to why he doesn't get that feeling when he's out and about in town to get me anything. I guess, maybe that's just him. He does tell me that when we're together he would do more. He did buy me some t-shirts when I was over to see him a couple of months ago. But it's when we're long distance, I just don't understand why he doesn't have the gutt urge to just pick up a pen and write to me. It's like texting him...I text him everytime I know he's at work, to say i'm thinking of him and hope he's having a good day. I hardly get replies I don't like asking why he doesn't reply to me and all. I don't want to sound like a nagging girlfriend.

Everyone's different. It may not cross his mind when he sees something that you might like it or that you might like a letter now and again. In person it's easier to think of that person and say "hey look" or see their reaction to something and know they like it and therefore want to get it for them. I'm one of the insane people who is always buying people gifts if I think they would like them or appreciate the novelty if it's off the wall, but I realize not everyone's like that. I'm the odd duck in that situation.

As for the texting, I do the same thing. I'll text him at work and get bummed when he doesn't reply but I know how busy he is and how short and far between his breaks are so it's not like he can whip out his phone and reply instantly. And sometimes he has nothing to say back, which I understand I've done the same thing. But if it bothers you, you could mention that you'd like at least some sort of acknowledgment from him if/when he has the free time.

To me, nagging is pretty much complaining when you have nothing to complain about or being insanely nitpicky. You're not asking for his undivided attention every second of the day, you're not demanding a handwritten letter every day sealed with a kiss about how much he worships the ground you walk on. You want a form of affection shown to you a little more often, one that isn't very big, and a bit of positive attention. It's normal.

[Jrapp]

I have always wished she'd send me more handwritten things. Seeing the way she writes her letters, sniffing the perfume she sprays on them...oh my! It just makes me so happy and it gives me a sense that there is a small part of her right there with me<3

[Gelfling]

But I can't ask him if he could write a letter or something to me for once.

Sure you can. Tact is important, of course, but there's nothing wrong with asking for something you need. I wouldn't tell him you're tired of flowers (no need to be ungrateful), but letting him know how much you appreciate the notes with his personal touch and that you'd love to see more of that is totally within bounds.

I totally understand what you mean about the flowers, btw. My ex-husband never gave me anything but long stem red roses, and eventually it started to feel like he was just going through the motions because society says red roses are romantic. To this day, I am tired of red roses.

[NikkiP]

I have always wished she'd send me more handwritten things. Seeing the way she writes her letters, sniffing the perfume she sprays on them...oh my! It just makes me so happy and it gives me a sense that there is a small part of her right there with me<3

hehehe this made me lol!

[adrian]

I totally understand what you are saying. I send my SO, something in the mail almost every week, a card or just a note or some goodies. He has sent me a few things and a few cards. And on one of our visits even mentions he feels bad sometimes because he doesn't do as often as I do.

I sometimes will worry I do too much. Meaning it won't be as special to him nor do I want him to just expect it. But, he has kept everything I have ever sent him, even if just a note to say hi. That means the world to me. I would like more, but I do accept that we are 2 different people. Same with the txting, I am a type of person phone pretty much always on me and reply immediately. He just isn't, not that it always takes forever or anything, but we are different like that. I know he is always thinking about me and we love eachother very much. when I get insecure about things like that because of the distance. I hold all of our great conversations and every moment we have spent together close to my heart.

[Micah]

My boyfriend isn't a writer. It sucks, I wish he was, but it's true. He has written me one letter and sent me a few cards... he sends me little things in the mail very rarely. He usually writes the least amount he possibly can on a card. In fact, for Valentine's day, he got a package of those little kids v-day cards and just filled in the To: Micah, From: David... nothing in addition to that (except a funny cat that said "Will you be My Valentine?" And he did get me cool gifts, so I shouldn't complain about the card). It has become comical to me. I, on the other hand, have become Shakespeare since we have been together and I write him a lot of letters. A TON. He loves them and always tells me they make his day. He also says that he is sorry he doesn't write me more, but that he's just not a writer and it doesn't feel natural to him. At first it sort of bugged me, but I have gotten used to it. He does other things for me to make up for it and will often call me and say sweet things. Sure, they aren't on paper, but they still mean the same.
If it bugs you that he doesn't write you, you can bring it up. I personally really wouldn't want someone to feel forced to write me if they didn't want to. That makes it not as special and genuine. I'd rather be totally surprised and caught off guard by a letter than expect one to be sent to me. It would just seem more sincere if it was done because he wanted to do it, not because he felt obligated to. Although, I don't see a problem with you expressing that you wish he would write you. I think it is important to praise your SO if he does something that makes you really happy. So, if he does end up hand writing you something, be sure to lay on the thank yous and appreciation thickly so that he realizes how happy it makes you. I hope it works out!

[Sav88]

Thanks everyone for your support. I'll definately take on board what you all have said and try and put it into practice.

[Sav88]

Zomg! this morning when chatting to my SO he says,"I'm going to start writing to you, I've been looking and nice writing paper," O.O I was shocked! Also I said I'd text him tomorrow as we can't chat and he said,"I'll text too!" wow...did he read this??? O.O hope not, I would feel bad :/ but I'm sure this is just a wow wtf situation haha!