question to those whos SOs are in military

[Miramaid]

My SO is in the army reserves and he is now in some kind of a training for 2 weeks (it is NOT an annual training. It is something else). I know he is busy there BUT I also know he does have his cell with him. Our communication is minimal to none. I know that I should not feel sad or upset about him not communicating or just sending one message a day, but I do feel sad and even upset and angry at times because I really do not think he doesnt have time at all to send me messages, at least a kissing smiley or to send me "143" (stands for "I love you") or something! It is not hard to do and will take 30 seconds. I do not understand why he doesnt do that. First couple of days he did and he sent me messages and pictures and he called in the evenings, but then it was less and less. I feel not loved
Those of you who have SOs in military, why doesnt he communicate more? How would you deal with it? Have you had similar experiences?

P.S. If he was active duty or overseas it would have been a different deal, but he is not. It is just a training and i do see his army buddies on FB sometimes during the day (not for long but still)

[MissAnnThropee]

It could be stress. When my SO went through A School we talked a lot less than we did once he came back. He's learning new things, probably thinking about going on deployment, and trying to make new friends. Once my fiancé finally settled down at his first duty station, he went out a whole lot. I say, take the times that you do talk or he can text you and enjoy it. I hate to say it, but once he's deployed, it will most likely get harder to talk to him. I haven't had any contact with my SO for several days now.
You can also use this as your training. Make this into something positive - Get used to savoring the time you speak with him and holding onto it for days at a time. I know that it sucks hardcore, but you can get through it! I've taken up a few hobbies because just waiting by a computer or phone can start to consume your time.

If you ever need anything, let me know. Good luck darling!

[Subu85]

Hey tissa, when my bf started the military in Korea he wasn't able to communicate for 2 & 1/2 weeks... because of basic training. And even after that communication was limited to once a week until he got his 1st stripe. Now he is able to use the internet on a daily basis and usually we'd Facebook or IM on yahoo. He always mentions how stressed the military makes him. Maybe your bf is the same.. and it also takes time to adjust and make friends. But lately we've been on shaky grounds because of his ex coming into the picture and he withdrew and I asked him but he said he needs time to think. And he also needs to save money for when I visit him... at first I wasn't OK with such minimal contact but now I don't mind.. I'm keeping myself busy working out and studying.. it really does take your mind off the time... meet your friends more often too and try to be happy. Your happiness will reflect when you chat to him! I'm not implying that you're not but it will show him that even though you miss him you're coping well giving him less to stress about. Best wishes~

[rivi87]

Tissa,

My SO is in the Minnesota Guard currently. I know when he has drill or a training event, communication definitely drops. I know that he is super busy (That and he is incharge of 37 other soldiers) so it doesent bother me. I know they ask soldiers not to bring their phones with them to Ranges or Training areas because they don't like distractions it would just depend on your unit. So there's some drill weekends I'll only hear from him a few times a day...and thats ok. I Keep myself busy cleaning my house and spending time with my friends.

I might understand it better because I am in the military as well so sometimes its been vice-versa and I'm the one that can't communicate..So it goes both ways...good luck figuring it out!

[Miramaid]

Thank you for the answers! It is not that he cant send a message, it seems like he is really enjoying his training this time and that is why he is into it and doesnt send messages. Which bugs me coz i feel like he doesn't miss me at all

[ErinKristine]

If it seems like he's enjoying his training you should be happy for him, he may be having a good time bonding with the other people he's training with. These are good things, the soldiers who are not close with others are the ones who generally have a harder time adjusting when the time for deployment comes. My guy definitely goes into "Army mode" when he's away and is not as open with his feelings, it's something he does in order to keep from getting distracted since that can put him and the platoon he's in charge of in danger. Like someone already said you should see this as a training for yourself too. You really shouldn't worry too much, the feelings you have are natural, talk to him about it when he gets back.

[adielovesshelbs]

my so is currently deployed, but before he left sometimes communication is hard. it all depends on what they are doing during the training. also, he could get stressed. my so does alot. the military can be very frustrating. i would talk to your so and ask him why he doesnt send those little texts and tell him how it makes you feel. its better to be honest and find out what is going on. it is easy to get distracted so that may be why. i hope everything works out.

[Miramaid]

Thank you for the answers! He says the signal there can be weak sometimes and I can see that he likes it there so much that he forgets everything and everyone, even me
I am happy for him, but just feel like he doens't need me and doesn't miss me