Travel Advice Needed D:

[liv4cause]

Hi,
I am currently just finishing my IB diploma in highschool and am really interested in human rights, volunteering etc.
I wanted to start planning a one month trip somewhere for after graduation, preferrably Egypt, to work with an organisation or something of the sort. I've been researching and have found a couple of interesting things. I want to study anthropology and human rights later on.
Anyway, the relationship related thing:
.. So this guy added me on facebook randomly and we started talking first by email, then by skype/webcam etc. He's really nice, and I can tell he is not simply a creeper. I've seen his family etc on skype too, they all seem nice and he's decent.. no suggestive comments etc. (he's quite conservative). We have a sort of thing going on, but it's pretty innocent. I quite like him and it gave me the idea we could meet up while I'm in Egypt. (I'd already had the idea of volunteering in Egypt before he added me. ..always had a fascination with that place) It may turn out to become a long distance relationship, but I'm not sure yet.

This leads to my problem though. I told him about my plans and he's all excited to organise the whole thing for me. It's not that I don't want to meet him or I think he'll try something funny. It's more that he's all chivalrous, I won't let you pay! etc. That's nice, but I want the trip to be about working at an NGO office, a school or something like that, not meeting him. For this trip I want to stay independent from him for all the usual, rational reasons. Also, I am not the sort of person to plunge head long into a relationship with someone I don't know well yet. But I would like to wait and see what happens. I do think that there's something worth tending to between us, but because I'm going to university in Australia, I don't want to succumb to a sudden irrational ..omg he's amazing I'm staying forever sort of thing.
The main point of all this is, how do I plan this trip so I can stay independent but still meet him and have him maybe as my guide somehow. I am glad to have a contact, but I want to make sure I stay rational about it. I sound pretty cold, don't I.. but honestly I'm quite taken. Which is why I'm posting this... D: someone help me sort my thoughts out please

[jjbabixo]

I would just tell him that you really would like to stay focused on your real reason of going there. Not that you don't want to see him or spend time with him but that volunteering and staying focused on that is your priority. Tell him that you're not sure how busy you will be with everything else you have going on so you'd be hesitant to plan things but once you're there and settled you'd love to catch up and spend time with him whenever you have down time. Just make sure you prelude what you are going to say with how you still want to see him and everything so he doesn't get the impression you are making up excuses to not see him and spend time with him. Does that make sense?...sorry I gave it my best shot! Goodluck!

[BabyGund]

Please tell me someone is going on this trip with you and you are not going alone. Because even if you do make your own travel plans then still meet this guy separate, I'd be worried he'd try and kidnap you. Sorry parental instinct kicking in here.

[Kiara]

Are you sure that Egypt is the best choice for a summer internship? I haven't any parental instinct yet, but I would be worried to know you there, alone.

[mllebamako]

Hmmm honestly, I would be very wary about a guy who wants to pay all your expenses for someone he doesn't know very well. It also puts you in a situation where you might feel like you "owe" him something, like you "owe" it to him to be nice and stay with him even if it ends of not working out, etc.
I would stay firm with him in the fact that you want to be completely independent in this, financially and otherwise. If you feel comfortable meeting him, I would make sure it's in a public place and you bring a friend.
Will you know anyone over there when you go?

[liv4cause]

Hey thanks guys.
Obviously my plans need fixing.. And you know Egypt probably isn't the best/safest place I could be going, but I'll kick myself later if I don't. As to whether I have any contacts except him.. No. I don't. That's why I am still researching different organisations and projects which would allow me to be with a group or make friends quickly. You're right that I'll have to be clear about my intentions for the trip.. he easily takes it the wrong way. We've been working on that though.. he's becoming more patient .. pheww.
I think what I'll do is make sure the itinerary is set before I let him know any details so that I have a structure I can keep to. I'll start writing those e-mails and see whether I can find a group or project I can join. It's probably better than a random placing in an office or something. If anyone knows of one already, I'd appreciate suggestions.
Thanks for the help, I'm glad to get some affirmations

[liv4cause]

That's a really good point about the owing thing.. It's so easy then to let yourself be pressured into something. I'm working on finding contacts. No one I know personally, but I'm thinking maybe a group project or something which I could join so I'm not all by myself down there.

[WakeUpSusie]

I highly, highly doubt that you'd even be allowed to enter and stay in Egypt as a foreigner any time soon given the current circumstances. Several students from my schools study abroad program had to be sent home because all foreigners were asked to leave the country.

[London-FortCollins]

If your internship etc is with an established well known NGO, I would use them as your main point of contact for planning your trip (accommodation etc) and if you have any worries whilst your there. They can also advise you on safety and things.

Alternatively use an agency such as VSO (sorry, they're based in the UK - I'm not sure where your based) again they can be your main point of contact.

I would recommend (just to be on the safe side) not letting him know which hotel your staying at etc, keep meeting him in public places until you get to know him better.

However on the flip side, I met my SO and seveal other people from the same group online when I travelling across the states, alone last year. Apart from my SO they were all girls, they invited me into their homes, gave me their spare beds/sofas, met their friends and family and where the most loving and generous girls I could ever hope to meet.

My SO on the other hand, we stayed in a hotel because he was in a halfway house at the time. And he was the person I'd spent the most time getting to know.

Guess who everyone was most worried about though?

Anyways I know Egypt is a bit more dangerous than the USA but just wanted to share that not everyone you meet online, alone is going to try and kidnap or harm you. just use common sense and above all else, listen to your instincts. If something doesnt feel right, remove yourself from the situation.

And that goes for anything in life in my own personal view!

[mllebamako]

I highly, highly doubt that you'd even be allowed to enter and stay in Egypt as a foreigner any time soon given the current circumstances. Several students from my schools study abroad program had to be sent home because all foreigners were asked to leave the country.

You can definitely still travel to Egypt. Although, it is probably advised not to. Although things have calmed down, it still isn't a very stable place. Is there anywhere else you would want to go and then later, when you are in college or just out of college, you could go to Egypt for study abroad or something?

If you still decide to go, definitely try to find an NGO or other organization that you can work with and who can help you. I have lived and worked in 2 African countries and although I do it independently now, the first few times I went, I went with the safety net of an NGO internship set up or a study abroad program.

[liv4cause]

Update, happy endings to adventurous beginnings

Wow, I just really wanted to write a quick update.. It's incredible how much has happened since then.. Thank you everyone for your great advice, I certainly took it to heart.
I did end up finding an organisation and I worked and stayed at a Coptic girls' orphanage! It was the most rewarding thing I have ever done! And guess what? I am going back to Egypt for 6 weeks for New Year.
What happened was that before I left, basically my dad, his Egyptian friend and my mum interrogated "this guy" (his name is Mohamed, he is 25 and the most wonderful person I have ever met). We got his contact details, he even offered a CV, passport copy and police check. So I ventured off with full knowledge of my parents about my daily whereabouts, my contacts, who I'm with etc. I felt very safe and was so glad that I had been honest with my parents about wanting to meet Mohamed so bad. The deal was that I would stay at the youth hostel and he could see me if he came to pick me up and I would never be alone anywhere. That is what happened, for the most part.

We continued to talk daily, building up a basis of friendship and trust. By the time I met him at the airport, there was nothing strange about it at all. It was so casual and easy after having struggled a bit with the limitations of skype and video. We immediately bonded. He gave me his second phone to use while I was in Egypt and saw me off as I went to the orphanage with people from the organisation. There was an incidence while I was at the home that made me realise the how serious and how deeply ingrained the hate is between religions in Egypt. He visited me once at the home, and we were allowed to talk for 30mins. But Mohamed was not allowed to set foot in the orphanage, he was treated very rudely and the director even wanted to forbid me to call him. Honestly it scared me and I was so embarrassed that he had been treated like this. We talked every day on the phone and we were getting so impatient to spend time together.
After working at the orphanage, I went to stay at a youth hostel. Finally finally we would get to meet properly, without the constant supervision of the staff at the home. He told me to wear something red and cover up, and we would go to his favourite team's soccer match. Our first ever hug is recorded on national tv ...two small figures (a boy in red and a girl in a blue scarf, because the only thing I had that was red were my shoes) embrace in the bottom left hand corner after the first goal.
Actually, I only stayed at the hostel for 3 days. After that we just couldn't bare it any more to be wasting so much time in transport and missing half the day because I got up at 6am and he, as an Egyptian, sleeps until 2pm :S I did learn a lot of Arabic during these waiting times.. I learned how to conjugate verbs and built up a small vocabulary with the staff and played backgammon for probably 10h in total and had about 30 litres of tea. S: haha... So finally when we got home one night at 3am we decided we would go to a flat that he had organised just in case I changed my mind anyways. We packed my bags, left the hostel and picked up his bags at his home. I stayed in the taxi, with his mother waving from the balcony, keeping a constant eye out that the taxi driver wouldn't try anything funny. We finally arrived in this cute little flat at 5.30am...watched the sun rise and went to bed. The most romantic and wonderful days followed... And on the last morning, he confessed his love for me. So for our last 4h together, we were officially a couple. My parents were still informed every day of what we were doing, but I only told them about the flat when I got home.
It sounds so stereotypical, the foreign girl hooks up with the Egyptian, promises to come back.. bla bla. But honestly, we are so in love and we have invested so much time and effort into this relationship. Critique from close family and friends, differences in religion, culture and language.. it hasn't made things easy. But we believe very strongly that if we try hard enough, stay honest and true to each other and communicate our feelings, doubts, fears, joys that we can make it work.
So I am in Australia now, working and learning to drive finally, applied for university and happy overall. I am going home to Switzerland for Christmas and will then go on to Cairo for 6 weeks. My sister and mother might be coming with me. Our Egyptian friend who did the "interrogating" will be meeting Mohamed and I in January. I get to visit my lovely new sisters at the orphanage again, and we get to see the pyramids this time. (We somehow forgot the last time, home was just too cosy to leave). I will be meeting his mother and family and she has promised to teach me recipes And of course many many more things are planned. I am very excited, and it will be such a motivation before university starts in March.
Whewwww, that was longer than I intended, but I've been wanting to get it off my chest.
Happy ending for now, but we have no idea what the future holds. We hope it lasts insha'allah!
xx Liv

[Madge]

Argh! that is amazing!! I am so glad that things worked out between the both of you! and you did it safely as well

[liv4cause]

haha.. thanks.. and yeah, it's almost too good to be true. But only almost. Of course there are issues and complications, but ultimately we are putting all our efforts into making this a long-term long-distance relationship )

[princessmeg1328]

That is so exciting! I'm so glad that everything worked out for the best.