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    #1

    his parents

    Hello!

    I am new here. I am a 29 year old girl and my so is 28.
    This summer we're in a ldr for a year.
    We try to see each other for real every 3 months and we're doing great.
    I've met his parents and they were nice to me. Later he told me that they really liked me.

    But the problem is, he don't want them to know I am his girlfriend.
    He told me that his parents want to know everything about me and my family. But how is that possilbe if you live in different countries?

    We talk every day on cam, but when one of his parents comes in, he closes it.
    I asked him to let me talk to them on cam, so they get to know me.
    But he said they don't want to.
    I talked once with his mum on cam. she told his dad that she talked to me
    and that she liked it that I am trying to learn their language.


    He told his parents that I am just a friend. Even his best friends don't know about me!
    He wants to tell his parents that he has a girlfriend if they ask about it. But as long as they see me just as a friend they won't ask questions.

    Next month I am going to visit him again and I will meet his parents too.
    But I have to act like I'm a friend.

    What do you think I should do?
    Last edited by dutchgirl; November 12, 2011, 07:29 AM.
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    #2
    You said his parents like you but what's the problem if they know that you are his girlfriend and he's 28 years old so he is on the right age to decide for himself... Maybe on the culture that they have or his parents values about your relationship, right? Your boyfriend should tell to them what's the truth and he should be responsible and fight for your relationship. He will not care whatever his parents reactions as long as you love each other. You know yourself and you're worthy to be accepted not to be denied. Talk to your boyfriend about that and if he really loves you he know what the right thing to do... Help each other to overcome that. Good luck !
    "Love wins everything especially fear."

    Comment

      #3
      You guys are a little too old to be basing your relationship on parental approval, to me that would be a huge, bright red flag. Are you sure he's being 100% truthful with you? A 28 year old man doesn't have to break up with his girlfriend because his parents said so, honestly, that's outrageous. Are you sure it's not an excuse? I don't mean to sound so negative, but I'm having a hard time believing his reasons, it just doesn't make sense. Can you give more background info on him, and why his parents still have such influence?
      Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

      Comment

        #4
        Hmm.. can I ask where your bf is from?
        And welcome to the forum btw

        Comment

          #5
          Moon is again in my head ...but also, I wonder what cultural influences may be at play here...can you give us some background on that?


          When we love, it isn't because the person's perfect, it's because we learn to see an imperfect person perfectly.

          True love does not worry about the distance between, for the heart and soul travels through one's words

          When two people are meant for each other, no time is too long, no distance is too far, and no one can ever tear them apart.

          1 universe, 9 planets, 7 continents, 194 countries, 50 states and 10 provinces...and I had the privilege to meet you.

          Comment

            #6
            Hmm, interesting. I have a somewhat similar issue. Only my SO is 21, still lives with his parents who still have a lot of control over him (he admits this too) and so its a little more understandable at his age. I think if he still had this issue at age 28 it would be more of a bone of contention between us, as it is i have no wish to meet his parents currently so its not something we talk about much. His reasons are more closely related to the age difference between us than anything else.

            Comment

              #7
              Originally posted by Moon View Post
              You guys are a little too old to be basing your relationship on parental approval, to me that would be a huge, bright red flag. Are you sure he's being 100% truthful with you? A 28 year old man doesn't have to break up with his girlfriend because his parents said so, honestly, that's outrageous. Are you sure it's not an excuse? I don't mean to sound so negative, but I'm having a hard time believing his reasons, it just doesn't make sense. Can you give more background info on him, and why his parents still have such influence?
              This was exactly my thought while reading through the initial post. If nothing else it sounds like he's actually embarrassed to admit you're his girlfriend. The man is 2 years shy of being 30 and he still hangs on mommy and daddy's every word? Nuh uh. I may live with my mom, be only 21, and want her opinion and approval but I would never ever break up with my guy based on my mom's words. If I had done that, we would have been only dating a week.

              Parents are not stupid. Chances are they already have a feeling you're more than his friend and if they actually like you, they might try 'setting him up' with you. The problem here is the guy and frankly I'd get to the bottom of that really quick before you try getting to know the parents anymore. It's one thing to hide the relationship if the parents will not approve and start harassing one or the both of you, but I'm not getting that vibe from how you've described them. Maybe they'll have reserves about the fact it's long distance, but that's easy to get over. Whatever this guy's problem is, I feel it has nothing to do with his parents.

              Comment

                #8
                he is 28, not 18. dont stay in a relationship he hides you. say it, or you tell your parents or im out.
                dont waste your time. im sorry to be cruel, but if he does this to you who can assure you he isnt doing this to another girl as well? he didnt introduce you as a girlfriend to either his parents or friends... in a LDR, or you really are in for it or you are out.
                our story.

                sigpic

                02.02.2012 - When we got married and closed the distance once and for all‎

                "If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse."

                Comment

                  #9
                  Originally posted by Engel View Post
                  he is 28, not 18. dont stay in a relationship he hides you. say it, or you tell your parents or im out.
                  dont waste your time. im sorry to be cruel, but if he does this to you who can assure you he isnt doing this to another girl as well? he didnt introduce you as a girlfriend to either his parents or friends... in a LDR, or you really are in for it or you are out.
                  i agree. it seems very shady to me.



                  Comment

                    #10
                    Originally posted by komakino View Post
                    Hmm, interesting. I have a somewhat similar issue. Only my SO is 21, still lives with his parents who still have a lot of control over him (he admits this too) and so its a little more understandable at his age. I think if he still had this issue at age 28 it would be more of a bone of contention between us, as it is i have no wish to meet his parents currently so its not something we talk about much. His reasons are more closely related to the age difference between us than anything else.
                    my SO lived with his mom until he was 23, and i was 21 and lived with my family too. them we moved in together, just the 2 of us. <3
                    so i find it completely normal that your boyfriend lives with his parents at this age do you mind if i ask how many years older are you?
                    our story.

                    sigpic

                    02.02.2012 - When we got married and closed the distance once and for all‎

                    "If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse."

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Originally posted by Engel View Post
                      my SO lived with his mom until he was 23, and i was 21 and lived with my family too. them we moved in together, just the 2 of us. <3
                      so i find it completely normal that your boyfriend lives with his parents at this age do you mind if i ask how many years older are you?
                      Theres 8 years between us. Im 29. I still lived at home when i was 21 too so i find that completly normal, he did live away from home while at uni which is when i met him and only moved back once his degree was finished until he saves up enough to move out again. Its more i guess that his parents arnt as open to let him roam without knowing all the details of where hes going or what hes doing so he often lies to them when he comes to visit me. I understand that he doesnt have the kind of close relationship that i have with my parents; at 20/21 i could have boyfriends over without worrying what they would do or say. It is of course up to him when he tells his parents and i would never presure him into saying something when hes not ready, after all he is the one who has to live there and deal with the fall out of his parents.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        yes, parents are something we should better not mess with. even if we dont have a good relation with our parents, we usually dont want anyone else BUT US messing with them. so if your SO has a good relationship with his/her parents, you should better think twice before doing or saying anything concerning the parents
                        luckly for me i love my boyfriends mom, like for real! and i think she feels the same about me, she is really sweet and treats me like a daughter. his father died when he was young, but i could not wish for a better mom for him
                        our story.

                        sigpic

                        02.02.2012 - When we got married and closed the distance once and for all‎

                        "If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse."

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Thanks everyone!

                          My bf is from Malta and they are religious, I am from Holland and not religious.
                          But we accept it from each other. His parents know that I am not religious but they know I am a good girl.
                          . But when one of parents come in his room he throws away cam. He don't want his parents to know we are chatting :s I asked him if he has another girl, but he said NO.
                          Now I have booked my flight, i'll be with him in in less than a month but he still didn't tell his parents I am coming back.
                          I told him that I don't think that his parents are the problem but HE is. HE is the one hiding me.
                          I don't want to loose him, but I don't want this either.
                          Last edited by dutchgirl; November 12, 2011, 07:30 AM.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            To me, it just sounds really shady and it doesn't make sense. I don't see why he won't tell his parents ya'll are together if you've already met them AND chatted with them online. Parents aren't as dumb as we give them credit for, so I bet they already have some idea, unless he's seriously hiding it. In any case, you don't deserve to be hidden. You should be flaunted to everyone he knows. I don't recommend giving him an ultimatum, but to me, if something doesn't change, especially after your visit, it may come down to that. :/

                            Comment

                              #15
                              In our case it's impossible that they really get to know me. I can't meet them every week and it's difficult for them to get to know my parents because they don't speak english.
                              And i always travel alone to him, without my family. So his parents won't get them know them very well.
                              The problem is that I live far away, I'm not Maltese, and not religious. My bf said that our relationship depends on his parents.
                              So if they don't accept me we have to break up (?) That's why he is hiding me
                              I hate this!
                              Last edited by dutchgirl; November 12, 2011, 07:31 AM.

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