How do you cope with a long distance relationship?

[sjomar]

My girlfriend and i have been apart all of 2 days
I saw her at the mall the day i left California to come to Australia, i miss her so much already i feel like crying. i dunno what to do without her, i miss everything about her but most of all i miss the fact that i cant just get in my car and go see her anymore, i miss her presence (even though it has only been 2 days lol)
But we have a long 9 months apart , i dunno how either of us are going to cope, also we cant keep in regular contact with one another when im here, maybe just a chat once every 1-2 days.
Also, we just found out she is pregnant last week and i cent believe i wont be there while she is pregnant, i feel like such a bad boyf
we love each other so much and want to spend our lives together (shes 18 and im 20) but i have never done this long distance thing before and neither has she.
I was just hoping on any insight or tips on the long distance relationships, does it get any easier, because i already feel like i need her more than ever and i just saw her on tuesday
Thankyou in advance for any help or advice you may give

[LadyMarchHare]

Right now may be the hardest part of the distance because you're not used to it yet and you haven't found a routine for communication yet either. Everything's new and sore, a fresh wound.

Congratulations on the pregnancy, though. You can be there for her emotionally and if you want, you could ask her to take pictures as she grows bigger and send them to you, whether in email or snail mail. There's a grand difference between being emotionally apart and physically apart. To me, as long as you try and stay emotionally close (i.e. communicate clearly even if it's not often, offer support and affection, etc) then the distance seems pretty minuscule. Sure you can't hold hands or kiss, but keeping an emotional connection sometimes gives you the feeling that they're in the room. If you're able to, maybe write letters back and forth to fill in the gaps when you guys can't call or IM each other. There will be times you miss her like crazy, when you get down in the dumps, but that's pretty much what this forum is for. We offer support and well wishes because we all go through the same essential situation. Try and keep yourself busy either with work, school, planning for the baby, what have you and give her lots of love and in no time the 9 months will be up.

[vpavelock]

There are several ways to keep yourself going, sometime you have to focus on you and sometimes you have to do things LD that will make you feel closer to your SO.
Congrats on the pregnancy, and it does sound awful that you can't be there. Talk her through it, she's going to feel like she needs you more than ever!
I honestly would say it doesn't get easier, but I go through stages of it being worse at times. Just remember it's hard because you love each other. Good luck!

[garnet]

I looked at your old posts to see if maybe you had posted more of your story, such as the reason for your distance, but you've erased them... so if I may ask, what is the reason for your separation?

[sjomar]

Well i moved to California when i was 12 from Australia with my father, but my father and mother wanted me to go to Australia to live with my mom for a year, Kinda had no say in the matter, dont have the funds to live on my own just yet and i got the feeling my dad just wanted me gone "/

[garnet]

Ah, I see. Thank you for sharing your history.
Like your gf, I'm pregnant. So my advice is going to kind of focus on what could be her side. Pregnancy is hard. The hormones for some women make it even harder, and she is likely going to be missing you a ton and might have a harder time than she normally would. I would suggest that you do everything you can to let her know that you are there for her, and the baby. Let her know you are interested in all of the little day to day parts of being pregnant. Maybe you two could make a free blog, and she could post a pregnancy journal for you, as well as pictures as she goes along. If she needs to complain, just be there for her. Like LadyMarchHare said, if you can do snail mail, getting letters would probably mean a lot to her.
Also, I'm sure this goes without saying, but, don't forget about *her* in all of this, don't let her fade away in the background of the baby.

It sort of gets easier in my experience. You get used to the new way things are. Always making time for her and your relationship should help. Maybe you could do a weekly date night, I know there is a time difference, but perhaps it could still work. You could eat a meal together over instant messenger, or visit over videochat if you are able. Even pick the same book to read, and then talk about it. Over email if you have to.

Good luck to you both. Maybe she would like to join this board for support too? We have another member that is pregnant too, and she is also temporarily long distance from her boyfriend at the moment.

[sheraccoon]

My BF and I just parted a week and a half ago, so it's pretty new to me too. We weren't exactly close distance even while I was with him in the USA, but I was just an hour from him by train. I had to go home and then go study abroad elsewhere for a semester so I'm gone for 6 months. Sure the study abroad was my choice, but I was accepted before I met him. :/ Even if I wanted to reject the acceptance he would have not been happy about it.

Personally, I don't exactly think it gets easier, but it becomes something you get used to. I know he's always there for me when I get really lonely and miss him terribly (as it has happened a couple of times in the last few days). I'm currently on holiday and he works, so he's kept busy all the time and being kept busy works well in passing the time. I can't expect him to be around 24/7, but we make time for each other as often as possible, even if it's a short sweet text message saying "goodnight" or "good morning". I find it a bit easier if I try to share my daily life with him, so we're still part of each other's lives even though we're so far away; if I find something that reminds me of him while I'm out or at home, I'll take a photo or send him an email about it. He likes to know I'm out enjoying myself, so if I find an activity I enjoy I'll let him know about it, and he's incredibly supportive. Basically, we try to keep the distance between us as short as possible by sharing local happenings from far away, even though the different timezones makes things incredibly difficult. Also, looking forward to the next time you're back together really really helps! Don't think about how long more it'll be, but how many less days it'll be!

Handwritten letters are also amazing things, rereading something that is written by someone you care for really can make the loneliness go away. Even if you don't want to mail it out, scanning it in and emailing it to her is good too. But the joy of receiving mail is something really awesome. And I'm sure your GF will appreciate you taking the time to sit down and write a heartfelt letter to her. Same thing with crafts I think. Because we can't call each other all the time (darned timezones), the few calls we make/receive is more cherished than if we talked everyday. And it's something to look forward too - the next phone call with each other. But letting her know that you're thinking about her even when you're busy (through whatever means) will be as good as you calling her and talking to her on skype or something.

Congratulations on her pregnancy! I'm sorry you can't be there for her pregnancy, but let her know that you'll always be with her supporting her. My BF always lets me know whenever he can that he's always with me in my heart. <3 It's not the same as being there physically, but it's just as meaningful.

Good luck!