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**Miramaid** · March 13, 2011, 01:42 PM

because you would be jealous as well if she accepted a friend request from her exBF shortly after you have broken up. Because no one likes to think that they meant nothing to the person and the person moved on quickly. Because she is a woman and a human being and we all are jealous (some more some less). That is why

**Miramaid** · March 13, 2011, 01:47 PM

Tip: if you really are hoping to be with her again stop calling her DUDE and MATE. That sounds pathetic coz that is not who she is to you and you are lying to her and to yourself by calling her those names.
Do come up with better words.
I think it is always better be straightforward and say that you still have feelings for her, that you care about her, care about her day day by day, about her health and emotional well being and ask her about those things every time you talk. So she knows you care. So far what you are showing her is that you are immature and trying to show her that she means nothing to you and it is not true (according to you).
Do not forget to congratulate her with special dates. Do not forget to ask her about school and be genuinely happy for every success she makes.

Also if those things are not coming to you naturally. If you never thought or done any of those without others telling you, may be she is not THE ONE. Coz if she was you would just do it and WANT to do it

**vpavelock** · March 13, 2011, 01:54 PM

Just because she ended it with you, doesn't mean she's over you. It takes a lot to completely get over and ex, and thinking about it I would probably say out of my 2 most serious ex's I'm 99% over one, and (95% over the other) I really truly believe a part of your past and love stays with you forever, even after "it ended." She still cares about you as a person, and maybe as more. It sounds to me like she wants t be 100% over you, but she can't get herself there and it's frustrating her.

**LadyMarchHare** · March 13, 2011, 04:07 PM

I agree with Miramaid, you're forcibly trying to force a casual "I don't care" attitude when obviously you'd like her back. But guess what, girls aren't mind-readers and adding that girl back to your FB friends probably made her think you were over her and were actually going to try to go after her. Let me translate a bit of girl-speak for you. The "I don't care" sentence? Knock off the n, apostrophe, and t. What's left? "I do care."

Frankly I'd be jealous too even if you were my ex. One of my SO's exes, who ended up his best friend for 7 years, got jealous when we began dating and actually threatened me within an inch of my life if I hurt him. Just because it's over doesn't mean they've moved on, as obviously you haven't and despite your attitude towards your ex you're still looking for a ray of hope. Throw the girl a bone and tell her the truth instead of lying to yourself and her. You get less headaches that way. If she honest to God does not want to be with you, do not try forcing anything on her as I can guarantee she'll pull further from you than you could ever reach again, emotionally.

**Cucaratcha** · March 13, 2011, 05:06 PM

I have tried everything to get her back, I sent her flowers, I told her everything that was in my heart, and it didn't work.
In my mind it was clear, it was over for her, so I had to move towards and just see her as a friend.
Then what ? She obviously gets jealous... so what shall I think ? Is there still a ray of hope, or... ? How to react... I don't know... she says she doesn't care, but she speaks about it, so she oubviously do care... if I tell her that, she'll get annoyed, if I act like the friend, she'll think I don't care about her anymore...

That's though...
I think she took the decision of leaving me with her mind, not with her heart... because even for me, my mind is telling me it's a good thing, that it will be easier if I find someone closer... but not my heart.

Everything will be clear in a month, we'll speak face to face...

**OliveOyl** · March 13, 2011, 05:31 PM

omg shes so mean! :-/ she is obviously jealous. but eh....

**LadyMarchHare** · March 13, 2011, 05:34 PM

Originally posted by Cucaratcha View Post

I have tried everything to get her back, I sent her flowers, I told her everything that was in my heart, and it didn't work.
In my mind it was clear, it was over for her, so I had to move towards and just see her as a friend.
Then what ? She obviously gets jealous... so what shall I think ? Is there still a ray of hope, or... ? How to react... I don't know... she says she doesn't care, but she speaks about it, so she oubviously do care... if I tell her that, she'll get annoyed, if I act like the friend, she'll think I don't care about her anymore...

That's though...
I think she took the decision of leaving me with her mind, not with her heart... because even for me, my mind is telling me it's a good thing, that it will be easier if I find someone closer... but not my heart.

Everything will be clear in a month, we'll speak face to face...

If you're honestly that confused by her words and actions, tell her to cut the crap and be direct with you because depending on the point of perspective she's being a bitch or you're being an idiot. Either way one of you gets an earfull for your actions when the situation between you has obviously not been made clear despite her saying it was over.

**lucybelle** · March 13, 2011, 06:08 PM

I still think the relationship is over. I think she's jealous about your actions, but it doesn't mean that she wants you back. Obviously the first couple weeks/months after a break up are always a touchy time. Anything the other does is read into too much. Like you thinking she wants you back, and she probably thinking you're doing all this to get at her. When in reality you're both probably just trying to move on.

I think it's weird that you're still going to go visit her in Colombia. Awwwwkwarddddd!

**Riyko** · March 13, 2011, 06:25 PM

I agree with LMH on everything, she does care about you as a friend and maybe a little more because you two dated, but i don't think she wants you back. I think once she said it was over she meant it and she's trying to move on which is something you should do too, but adding this other girl so soon after breaking up with your ex said hey i don't care about you and/or i don't care about your feelings and that you are hurt.

Also i think going to Colombia is a bad idea, you two are over you shouldn't be trying to work on getting together you both should be working on moving on and working on yourselves. Going to Colombia after the trip is over one of you or both of you are going to wind up being hurt or hurting when you have to leave, it's really not good for either of you and it does not mean for one second you two will get back together it just means you are going to be stirring up emotions because you two haven't been broken up that long.

What will you do if say you go to Colombia and find out she has a new boyfriend, you can't tell her no you have to spend time with me and in the end you'll feel the trip is a waste and go home hurting anyways because she's moved on.

**Cucaratcha** · March 13, 2011, 06:39 PM

Colombia will either add the last page of the book or start a new chapter.
I need to see her to move towards. I think as well it's completely over, but she's still speaking to me, we didn't fight at all, so there's no reason to not speak to each other. She's a good person, and I'm at least going there as a friend.
That's not the question of the thread... and I didn't add the girl, I just accepted her request

And if she has a new boyfriend, I'm just gonna find an hotel and visit the country on my own... but I need to tell her "goodbye" face to face to be able to look forward something else. There's currently a taste of unachieved...

**LadyMarchHare** · March 13, 2011, 06:53 PM

Originally posted by lucybelle View Post

I still think the relationship is over. I think she's jealous about your actions, but it doesn't mean that she wants you back. Obviously the first couple weeks/months after a break up are always a touchy time. Anything the other does is read into too much. Like you thinking she wants you back, and she probably thinking you're doing all this to get at her. When in reality you're both probably just trying to move on.

I think it's weird that you're still going to go visit her in Colombia. Awwwwkwarddddd!

I seriously agree with this. No offense, but you're making a huge trip to see someone you're not even dating with the excuse to "make things final." If ever I had an ex say he was going to visit me like that, I'd be calling the cops as soon as the plane landed because to me that just stinks of stalker and the person's inability to just let go. It's entirely your choice, but I personally don't think it's the right or even a smart choice. It just sounds like you're hanging on desperately no matter how many times you say "I know it's over and I accept that" and you're hoping a face to face meeting will change her mind miraculously. There's a difference between being a hopeless romantic and ignorantly stubborn.

**Cucaratcha** · March 13, 2011, 06:57 PM

No but I asked her if it was ok for her me to come, if she'd be happy to see me or if it would annoy her, and she told me I was welcome.
I understand your point, it would be right if we had had strong fights, but we didn't. It just didn't work the way we thought it would, but we keep speaking "normally".

So yeah, the cops and all that stuff... mmmm

**LadyMarchHare** · March 13, 2011, 07:15 PM

Well I'm not saying you can't talk to her or remain friends, plenty of people who break up manage that. It's simply from the way you keep going on it sounds like you want to fix things and go back to how it all was despite saying you accepted it's over. I realize she's acting pretty funny due to this girl, but that doesn't really mean you still have a chance and I just don't want you getting your hopes up to only get kicked in the shin, you know?

**TknandLvnIt** · March 13, 2011, 11:04 PM

^^
Completely agree with previous posters. She is reacting that way because she is not completely over the relationship but that does not mean that she wants to get back with you. I don't think that there was any reason for you to delete the comment unless it offended you in some way which I do not understand. It makes it seem as though you are being immature and wanted to hide what she said from the girl you used to like. There was no need for suspicion on her end until you made a move that made it seem that way. Whether or not you are moving on and dating other people that is not something that you two would talk about our make obvious out of regard for the other person. In her mind that was you putting it in her face that you are back in contact with a girl that used to make her jealous while you were together. I don't think that going out there is a good idea unless you had previously purchased a non-refundable ticket. I think that since you want to go out there you should make it a point to visit with her but should not be staying with her and should not be spending the majority of your time there with her. Just my two cents ;-)

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