Is this jealousy ? Does she still love me ?

[vpavelock]

I'm going to go against the majority and say visiting her is a good idea. It becomes extremely hard to know what you want, when you haven't been together in a while. Me and my boyfriend were having a really rough time, but once we say each other, we knew exactly what we wanted, no more questions. Now, I wouldn't go there expecting things to suddenly work out, but I think the trip will sort both of your thoughts out one way or another.

[Rach321]

I seriously agree with this. No offense, but you're making a huge trip to see someone you're not even dating with the excuse to "make things final." If ever I had an ex say he was going to visit me like that, I'd be calling the cops as soon as the plane landed because to me that just stinks of stalker and the person's inability to just let go. It's entirely your choice, but I personally don't think it's the right or even a smart choice. It just sounds like you're hanging on desperately no matter how many times you say "I know it's over and I accept that" and you're hoping a face to face meeting will change her mind miraculously. There's a difference between being a hopeless romantic and ignorantly stubborn.

I disagree that it's inappropriate for him to want to see her in person to get closure. My now-SO broke up with me 7 years ago (when we dated the first time). He did it over the phone, and I understood it mentally, but emotionally, it was hard for me to "get" that it was really over because, as in Cucaratcha's case, we didn't fight, we were still talking and getting along fine. I kept thinking that we still had a chance (well, we did, but not until several years later when we were both in a place to be in a committed relationship... but that's a different story).

He made a trip to a conference not far from where I was living, and I asked if I could come to see him. He said he thought it was a good idea. We had a chance to really talk about why it wasn't going to work out while looking each other in the eyes. We both cried, we held each other, and afterwards, I really felt like we were over.

I'm not saying this is the case for every relationship, but for some people having a sense of closure is very healing. It's not always possible in every relationship, but if she says he's welcome, and he goes with an understanding that he might only see her for a short amount of time and may need to make other arrangements for a place to stay, I don't see anything wrong with it.

[vpavelock]

I disagree that it's inappropriate for him to want to see her in person to get closure. My now-SO broke up with me 7 years ago (when we dated the first time). He did it over the phone, and I understood it mentally, but emotionally, it was hard for me to "get" that it was really over because, as in Cucaratcha's case, we didn't fight, we were still talking and getting along fine. I kept thinking that we still had a chance (well, we did, but not until several years later when we were both in a place to be in a committed relationship... but that's a different story).

He made a trip to a conference not far from where I was living, and I asked if I could come to see him. He said he thought it was a good idea. We had a chance to really talk about why it wasn't going to work out while looking each other in the eyes. We both cried, we held each other, and afterwards, I really felt like we were over.

I'm not saying this is the case for every relationship, but for some people having a sense of closure is very healing. It's not always possible in every relationship, but if she says he's welcome, and he goes with an understanding that he might only see her for a short amount of time and may need to make other arrangements for a place to stay, I don't see anything wrong with it.

SO AGREED.

[Rugger]

I agree with lucybelle. Just because she's jealous doesn't mean she wants you back. When my ex got with a new girl, I got jealous yes, but I didn't want him back at all. I was just hurt that after a year together he moved on so fast.

I think you just need to let go. It's over. No visit is going to fix or close anything.

[LadyMarchHare]

I disagree that it's inappropriate for him to want to see her in person to get closure. My now-SO broke up with me 7 years ago (when we dated the first time). He did it over the phone, and I understood it mentally, but emotionally, it was hard for me to "get" that it was really over because, as in Cucaratcha's case, we didn't fight, we were still talking and getting along fine. I kept thinking that we still had a chance (well, we did, but not until several years later when we were both in a place to be in a committed relationship... but that's a different story).

He made a trip to a conference not far from where I was living, and I asked if I could come to see him. He said he thought it was a good idea. We had a chance to really talk about why it wasn't going to work out while looking each other in the eyes. We both cried, we held each other, and afterwards, I really felt like we were over.

I'm not saying this is the case for every relationship, but for some people having a sense of closure is very healing. It's not always possible in every relationship, but if she says he's welcome, and he goes with an understanding that he might only see her for a short amount of time and may need to make other arrangements for a place to stay, I don't see anything wrong with it.

Valid point. My only real objection to the idea was thinking he was going there to try and win her back in some way and that, essentially, it would be a waste of time and money. The definition of closure is different for everyone so naturally not everyone is going to agree on the method one person takes to get there. It's a lot of money to be putting in to seeing someone you still hold feelings for yet no longer have and who's to say she doesn't change her mind last minute about his being welcome? If she's capable of breaking up on a supposed whim then she's fully capable of being flighty on that respect. All the same it's still his decision and while I don't wholly agree with it, I'm not going to actually try and stop him. I can give my opinion, but that's about it.

[Rach321]

It's a lot of money to be putting in to seeing someone you still hold feelings for yet no longer have and who's to say she doesn't change her mind last minute about his being welcome? If she's capable of breaking up on a supposed whim then she's fully capable of being flighty on that respect. All the same it's still his decision and while I don't wholly agree with it, I'm not going to actually try and stop him. I can give my opinion, but that's about it.

Yeah, I do agree with you on that point. There is one thing I'd like to add that I didn't before, Cucaratcha, and that actually answers your question posed in this thread.

I don't think the jealousy she may or may not be showing in the conversation you posted means that she still wants to be with you. People can be jealous and still not want to be with someone. If you go, plan on this being the end. I do think she's made it pretty clear that she doesn't want a romantic relationship with you. Don't hope or try for anything more. If you can't go without those intentions, then it's probably going to be a wasted trip.

But I do wish you the best and that you'll be happy in love again soon!

[Heather]

I'm not going to say what is right and what is wrong.

Follow your heart and make decisions YOU think is best.
Good luck!