Trade-off: Giving things up for your SO

[MeeshaLenee]

I don't mean stuff you'll be leaving behind.... I mean, is there anything you like/own/whatever that you will have to give up for you SO's sake?

For a better example of what I mean....

I love cats. My dad's allergic to them, so I've never really been able to have my own pet cat. I was looking forward to having cats once I moved out on my own and got married.... but I found out that my SO is allergic to cats.

So I'm giving up my dream of having cats as pets in order to be with Joe. I found I don't really mind the thought, I love him to death and would choose him over a cat any day. XD

Or, a friend of mine is deathly allergic to nuts, so her boyfriend doesn't eat nuts anymore so he can be with her.

How about you folks?

[TknandLvnIt]

Hmmmm we haven't found anything yet that we have had to give up. I would never want him to give up anything that he loved simply because of me. I'm vegetarian so he will brush his teeth or chew gum before he kisses me after he eats meat but that's about all I can think of. He doesn't have any allergies that I know of. He doesn't cook though and I've always wanted an SO that could cook for me because I love to eat but I'm ok with that and he can learn. He has always wanted a girl that can sing. I don't have an amazing voice like he does so I don't sing too often but he still wants to be with me so maybe those are my examples.

[Trethsparr]

One of my hopes immediately after graduating college was to go into a grad school program. I absolutely love taking classes and furthering my education. However, as my SO is currently finishing up college himself, I've decided to place that dream on hold indefinitely. After this school year, he'll be finishing his senior year, then looking to settle into his career. Not long after that, we plan to start our family, so... now's not the best time for me to be looking into another intensive academic program.

Believe it or not, though, I actually am just fine with waiting - even it means that grad school never materializes for me. It was more of a dream than a career goal anyway. My SO is well worth the trade-off. And who knows what the future holds?

[books]

Well, if we stick with our original closing the distance plan, I'll be giving up a lot. I met him while in Nicaragua doing volunteer work. I'm very committed to doing my part to make the world a better place and spending significant time in a developing country was always part of my vision. Nicaragua, being the second poorest country in the Western hemisphere was an obvious choice. I didn't plan on falling in love while there, but it happened. Before I left to come back to the US to work and make some $$$, we got into big talks about our future. He wants me to move there to be with him, although he has also said he'll go with me wherever I want to be. He would like to stay close to his family, meanwhile I'm really independent and have already spent years living away from my family. We are thinking I can work about a year or so, get some $$$ together and then head down there to work on building a house on some land his family would give to us. Insanely cheap to do this compared to typical developed country costs.

The sacrifices:
-no running water (water comes once a week and is stored for use)
-very unreliable electricity
-underdeveloped infrastructure at every level: internet, roads, transportation, healthcare, phone system
-low wages ($200 average monthly salary, tho work with an international organization pays well)
-exposure to a slew of tropical diseases
-oh yea, scorpions and gigantic bugs which I'm terrified of

I have said to him that I will give up everything to be with him. I guess it's better said I would be giving up all the comforts I'm used to. I've already spent about a year and a half living there, so I'm familiar with the environment. I absolutely want to give it a shot. If it turns out it's too much, my Plan B would be to work on getting him to the US or us going to another country together. But people do it all the time. I'm optimistic.

[adrian]

I don't think there is anything wither of us will have to be giving up. I look at it like I'll be gaining three kids and he will be gaining two. oh so maybe givng up money, 5 kids hahahaha.

[Mfashnik]

When we close the distance, I'm going to have to give up my idea of "home." At least for the first few years or so. Erik's job requires him to more or less follow the money which means we will be moving all over the United States whenever a new job opportunity arises. I'm a hermit, once I get somewhere I like to stay there, but I know this is what he wants and we agreed that once he feels comfortable with his salary and job level we will settle down and I will have my chance at establishing myself in my career.

[Tabitha]

Neither of us is really giving up anything big, even when we close the distance. I mean, I guess I could say that I'm giving up the familiarity and convenience of a mid sized city for the craziness of one of the largest cities in the country, but I actually love large cities so that's ok. I've cut back on my partying recently, but that wasn't a huge sacrifice.

[lucybelle]

@ books: Where in Nicaragua is your SO? My SO is from Costa Rica! I went to Managua, Masaya, and Granada.

What have I given up? I've had to get a lot less picky over things in general. I'm borderline OCD when it comes to how things are done in my apartment. Little things like making the bed, folding towels, cleaning... But I've learned to let it go.

He's given up meat.

[books]

lucybelle, he's from la concepcion, a small town in the dept. of masaya

his mom worked for awhile in costa rica, sure you know how lots of nicas head there for better work opportunities...of course I had to listen to alllll the stories of how the ticos are so stuck-up, the rivalry is craaazy (I don't pay any attention to it)

[lucybelle]

Oh gosh tell me about it! My SO is constantly like "the nicas don't like us cuz blah blah" I'm like whateverrrr! Don't want to hear it. Especially with the battle over that island they got into recently... Ticos think nicas are stupid and nicas think ticos are stuck up. Which really, the ticos are stuck up!!

[blankita719]

I'll be giving up tropical weather...even though we don't know where we are moving, he dislikes my FL weather, so it will have to be a compromise. But he will be giving up his cat...she is kind of pyschotic and we manage during visits but we agreed that full time, it's not safe for my son to be around the unstable kitty.

[Silviar]

Great question - this has been on my mind a lot, as I have only 45 days left until I move to Australia.

The hardest is giving up my family - rather, the ease of access that I currently have with them. Unfortunately, my family isn't taking the news of my move as well as my SO, and I don't know how willing they will be to Skype or talk with me once I'm gone. And because of this, I will be giving up the opportunity for my kids to be raised with both sets of grandparents within easy, cheap access, although I still think a full relationship is possible from a distance.

I'll also be giving up the familiarity of my country and be learning an entirely new country from the ground up. I'll miss some of the conveniences of the US, and I'm gonna miss things like free refills (oh, how I love thee diet coke), but in the end, I think the sacrifices are exchanged for new and other things that I also won't want to give up.

[Micah]

I will be giving up being close to my family. Right now I live within an hour of my dad and I live with my mother because I am trying to get back on my feet after a divorce. I will have to give up the luxury of having my parents around when I need a hand with things. My children are very close to their grandparents, so instead of them being a short drive away, they will be half a day away. This will be harder for my children than me. My oldest will also be switching schools, which will be difficult for her. We are moving to someplace where the only person we know is my SO. So, that is a big sacrifice for me and my daughters, but I think that it also provides us with a fresh start.

[Rugger]

Like the first poster said, I have given up nuts because my SO is deathly allergic to them. My love of cashews and pecans is a small price to pay for him being alive. I'll also have to give up small animals since he's allergic to them and cats.

[Mfashnik]

I'll be giving up tropical weather...even though we don't know where we are moving, he dislikes my FL weather, so it will have to be a compromise. But he will be giving up his cat...she is kind of pyschotic and we manage during visits but we agreed that full time, it's not safe for my son to be around the unstable kitty.

My SO is a warm tropical type weather kind of guy and I much prefer the cold, but I'd follow him anywhere.