"I need more from you"

[erinewelsh]

Sooooo my boyfriend and I have been together almost a year (our anniversary is in 2 days) and things are great 99% of the time. He's very affectionate and always there for me when I need him. However, one thing I wish he would do more is send me things. I'm all about taking the time to write him a letter or make him something and send it to him. he has boxes upon boxes of things I have bought or made for him and his two young boys. I have a letter and a store-bought Valentine's Day card. I feel like I'm whining when I say this, but I wish he would be as proactive as I am in that sort of thing. I'm not asking for fancy jewelry or expensive gifts. I just would love it if I could get letters and such from him a little more often. But how do I say that to him without sounding like (pardon my French) a bitch? I don't want him to think I'm unhappy or unsatisfied with how we are, because I'm not. I love him unconditionally. I just feed off the physical reminders a lot, and wish he would give me more of that. Any suggestions? Thanks guys!

[LadyMarchHare]

You could always be direct and say "I would like more gifts from you" but it's been my experience that if they feel they HAVE to, it's not going to mean as much or the gifts will, eventually, dwindle down to nothing again. Try suggesting it in a way that leaves the option open and a way for him to feel like it was his idea to begin with. Suggest perhaps the love letter idea we have going on here where every 10th of the month you send/write a love letter to them. Never has to be much, but it would be something you could anticipate in the mail and maybe he'd get creative and send little gifts along with it.

Everyone expresses affection in different ways. Some give gifts, some verbalize it, some reflect it in actions, etc. Gift giving may not be his forte and while it's aggravating, if he isn't going to do it no matter how many angles you approach him about it, it's something you'll have to accept and try to find satisfaction in whatever way he does communicate it.

[Dziubka]

Honestly, I wouldn't say anything. He will just feel like he has to send you something and it won't really mean anything.

IF he sends you something,even if it's only a letter or even a card, tell him how happy it made you and what exactly it meant to you.
There's a chance he'll realize that it's a relativly easy why to make you happy and send you more letters.

[jjbabixo]

Maybe you could tell him about how you've read a lot on the site about couples exchanging letters/gifts/etc. a lot lately and how great you think it is OR even tell him about the 10th of the month letter and say don't you think that would be a fun thing for us to do? This would be a good way of dropping a hint in my opinion without coming out directly asking him. Goodluck!

[lucybelle]

I feel like if there's something you want in a relationship (especially an LD one) you just straight up need to tell them! My SO and I weren't communicating very often (once a week) and I just told him we needed to talk more. Be honest. If you want you can tell him gently like "Oh I just adore the letter you sent me and I read it over and over again. I wish you would send me more!"

Lots of guys aren't too good at picking up on this stuff. I sent my SO probably 20 letters and only got one back when I specifically asked for one. I don't think letters/presents/etc mean any less if you have to tell them to send them. Especially from guys. Not to be generalizing but guys kinda suck at it...

[Trethsparr]

I feel like if there's something you want in a relationship (especially an LD one) you just straight up need to tell them!

^ This. Guys aren't mind-readers, and they sometimes need to be told upfront if there's something from the relationship that you feel you're missing. That way, it won't be something that you quietly hold to yourself in the hopes that he'll eventually figure it out on him own, perhaps breeding resentment over time.

I do agree, however, that there can be ways to introduce the idea that are less abrupt, such as the Love Letter Day on this site. And then, once he does something you really appreciate, lavish him with praise. Over time, he may better get the picture.