Help, advice opinions??

[kiara_silver]

Can anyone help me with this. I have been with my SO for over a year. ANd I love him whole heartedly even tho we haven't met yet in person. He's always been there for me, and he's made me feel loved like no one else has ever done. He means the word to me, and has told me how much I mean to him. The only hard part besides the time and distance is my family. There not really supportive. Which doesn’t change anything but, they say a lot of things. Like he could be cheating on you and having you on the side. Or your desperate. Or He just wants to get in your pants, or hes not really who he says he is ect. ect. And even though I know none of this is true I can’t say that because I have no proof. What are your responses to negativity. Or some advice on what to say? Cause usually I just stay quiet and don’t say anything. There my family so I cant tell them to F off lol. So what would you do?

[bluepotato1236]

if i am at your side,when they say about negative things, i will tell them to see/meet him in person first then only judge him. As they never talk/meet him, or know about him, so they cant say bad things about him... And if they still say about negative things, just ignore them.. Thats what i will do..:-D and actually what i DID before..Now my family love him and they get along so well..:-)

[adrian]

I have a similar problem, not all my family just my mother. Thinking he is taking advantage of me cuz of my relationship before we were together. for me there is nothing I can say or do for them to accept him right now. We have been together 9 months and seen eachother about every 6 weeks and plan to be together as soon as we can!

I pretty much just don't speak of him around them. Which does stink because he is the love of my life and a big part of my life. But, it is what it is and just know they will see the truth once he is here.

Good Luck!

[lovemnmz]

My family can sometimes be a bit unsupportive and my mom thinks that he's using me and that he most likely has a gf and im the other girl. Also they always tell me that love from a distance is love of dumba**'s -____- but i ignore them but sometimes they get to me and well its best to laugh it off and just keep on loving and trusting him. Thats what im doing but its hard. :/

[sheraccoon]

I get this sometimes from my parents too. Usually my mum's pretty supportive of it, but because I've been away from him for 2 weeks and I had just previously spent a month with him, sometimes I get a bit paranoid/insecure and I become really moody (I'm not used to this, rawr). My mum jumps to conclusions really fast and she's all "if he makes you so grumpy all the time maybe it's not worth it" etc etc. It makes me even sadder and then I become even grumpier and my SO has to deal. My dad's always questioning my decisions and wondering on my SO's behalf even though he hasn't met him and it gets incredibly frustrating. Plus we have a pretty wide age gap and he's really liberal and my family's REALLY conservative so mindset and culture clashes happens all the time and I get caught between the two; one side says something and the other side says another but I can't agree with both sides even though I can see both their points. Donotlike.

I try reasoning with them sometimes, and usually it works out, but if it's really putting too much of a stress on me I try to agree to disagree. I don't wave my family off (because they're my family after all), but I try to make them see reason. Even though they might start calling me "aggressive" and "fierce" (my dad's favorite words), I've been learning how to stand up for myself (I used to be quiet too! Your typical good Asian girl. xD).

[adrian]

I get the whole take advandtage of me thing. Which is rediculous, I have a crazy ex husband, 2 kids and he lives far away.I have no money. Um what's in it for him, that he couldn't get from someone close to him. and he is the one making the life change to move to me, becasue I cannot because of my children.

I have pointed all these things out, but still my mother refuses to accept. I have even said what are you going to do, when he is here kids love him. what them? which kids are fine with him, as well as they know him that is.

[kiara_silver]

Thanks guys.
@adrian Yeah I try to avoid talking about him whenever I go to my parents, and try not to even touch the computer, so they have no reason to complain. But its hard to not talk about him. I totally relate, when you ave something so wonderful as love you want to be able to share it and tell the world. But when everyones negative you cant, and its so depressing.

My mom is some what supportive, she is to a extent, but she still has her doubts and opinions. My dad and one of my sisters is the worst. Mainly my dad, always giving looks, making comments and would bring it up. Now its not so bad he just avoids the topic, but its awkward at times.
I just can't wait till in person so they can meet him and see how wonderful he is. Till then i'll just have to bear the negativity i guess....

[Caroline]

They could say that about anyone, all them things are possible in CDRs.

They just don't understand, as long as you are happy they will soon see that he is right for you.

[iamangel]

I experienced the same case you have. My family and one of my friend felt jealous to him because they saw me for the first time that almost of my time was on my laptop talking to my SO. We just met online so they discouraged me that we will never meet in personal. They made me cry because of what they said about him. I know they just concerned for me and I understand them but i didn't accept their discouragement. Because of them i feel more motivated and I really want to prove them that they are all wrong. I'm the one who know my SO. They are not on my situation so they can't see my SO's personality and how great man he is. Loving him felt so right But that was before. My family and friends accepted him even there's still a doubt. I understand them for that
kiara_silver, follow what your heart and mind says to you. Woman instinct Don't be discourage and trust your SO 100%. I know your family will love him and they will support you once they meet your SO.

[LadyMarchHare]

I had a friend who was adamant that the only reason my SO was bothering with me was because he wanted my virginity. After he got it, she said he'd rape me, beat me, leave me on the streets to fend for myself, and possibly get his friends to rape me too. The virginity part made no sense, because why bother trolling for virgin booty 600+ miles away when you live in a tourist city? The rest is entirely plausible in any situation, long distance or not, because some people really are that two-faced. However, I knew without a doubt that my guy was incapable of such actions even without 'evidence' so I told her where to stick her opinions and to leave them there for mold to grow.

I think a lot of the nonsense and pseudo-concern parents, relatives, friends, and other people in general express about people we meet over the internet and the severity of the relationship is based solely on the aggravated media coverage of people being kidnapped by others they met on the internet and other related stories. While it happens, it does not mean that it will always be fact and that the person you talk to through a computer is a scumbag in any form. There are bad people everywhere who lie, steal, cheat, and kill. Why limit that population to the internet?

If your parents start in on that nonsense, just tell them unless they have documented photos of him cheating taken by a detective or they happen to know him personally and, thus, his track record, to kindly leave you alone as you're capable of judging someone for yourself since you're a big girl.

[Deleted Account]

The best reason is your distance.. you've been with him for a year... why would some1 stick thru a LONG distance relationship.. for 1 year... YEAR.. and not love you? or want to do harm to you. Thats what my bf told his parents.. when we were having issues about his first visit. Honestly.. you need to tell your parents that they have to trust you.

My parents also said the same thing.. that he just wanted sex.. but why would he want to travel and pay SOO much money on air fare and probably even hotels (if ur parents dont allow him to stay with u) for some booty?? or to kidnap you? u need to defend yourself.. reasonably... make ur parents see the logic in those things i tell u here.. If its for sex... he can get that ANYWHERE... so many girls that just wanna have sex are out there for him.. he doesnt really need to get so expensive..

long distance relationships are expensive.. if it wasnt worth it.. u wouldnt want to spend so much money on it.

also try not to be too angry.. sit and talk and reason with ur parents.. dont get on their bad side.. tell them about your boyfriend, what he does.. where he's from.. etc.. if they ask you.. "how do u know that is true?" u tell him.. you've seen pictures.. or you have a video of his life (in the case that you do)..

another thing that helped in my case.. was that his parents got really worried and so they wanted to talk to my parents about it. I told my parents and i got permision to give his parents their email.. and so they wrote to each other made it clear who they were etc etc..

things like that usually can let your parents know what kind of person ur bf is. My parents immediatly knew my bf was from a good family.. as soon as they read that email. They felt WAYYY better about having to pick him up at the airport.