I Really Need Help . Please.

[LakayLovesRay]

well this is what happend.

my boyfriend and i have been dating for a little over a year .
and numerous times were we suppose to be together.
but our plans always get messed up .

so we havent even met yet .

Last night, he broke up with me .
he can't handle the long distance thing anymore .
and we cried and talked about our relationship all night.
and we are so amazingly in love . so we decided we can try to figure out what we can do
to make this comfortable again .

but we havent talked about it all day because hes working .
we text back and fourth while hes at work .

he says hes dying .
im scared to death because i know whats coming and it hurts so badly .
i begged him not to leave me (pathetic i know i just cant be without him.)
i told him we didnt even get to talk about things yet .
and wait til he gets off work so we could talk.

he apologized for doing that again because he knows how bad it hurts me.
he explains that hes weak , hes breaking because he needs me and to hold on to him .
dont let him go whenever he does that like i've been doing.

because he loves me and he wants to fix whatevers wrong .
but he keeps doing that to me and it really hurts .

i told him that we can work on things together, not to make such rash decsions .
and to trust in me and our love .


we've been through alot together. and im determined to help him through this rough patch.
but i am so afriad, i am scared hes going to leave me . and as pathetic as it sounds.
if he does im concerned for my live .

im to the point where i feel i need him.


and im not completely over obbsessive or anything crazzy .
i know he needs me too .

i just need help .
we cant be together , but we need to be .


advice pleasee.?l:

[kiara_silver]

There was a point in our relationship where we really struggled with this. I was so scared I was going to lose him. He was depressed all day and he said he didnt feel like talking and he logged off, i was so scared and he came back later and he told me its hard for him, seeing other couples so happy and to know you can't have that yet. We talked, i cryed and it was so hard, but we both had to make a dissicion. Is this relationship worth it? Is it worth the wait. I told him how much i needed him and he told me he needed me too and so we decided to keep holding on. That was almost a year ago. It gets hard, and your going to have moments where it seems unbearable but if its real love somehow some way you two will eventually be together, you guys have to just hold on, long distance love isn't for everyone, you have to be strong, you take alot of hits, but what if u two are supposed to be together? would you rather have it difficult but someday be together, or live without eachother? its good you two are communicating how hard it is, but theres no easy way out of this, theres waiting, it took us 2 years to finally meet (wel gonna be 2 years, we meet in june) and up until nov we had no clue when or if we would ever meet, but i knew i would rather wait years and be with him, then be with anyone else, you guys need to decide if its worth it.

[LakayLovesRay]

that made me cry , thankyou very much for your advice .
its comforting to know that im not the only one .

[adrian]

You are soooooooo not alone. I am the absolute worse at this LDR thing. And I get ashamed of myself and hate the way I act. He is so much tougher than me. It was just last night I went nutso jealous and went off on him. Not even worth going into the argument. But, that is what happens with me. I have of course apologized and we are as good as ever.

We are very much in love and we will be together. we have actually seen eachother twice already just this year, so makes me feel even more neurotic when I hear people who haven't even seen eachother yet.

I wish you both the best. And agree, and I know it is worth the wait!

[Deleted Account]

Awww well... you just really have to talk it out.. turn on skype lay down on your bed and get it all out... this long distance is hard for every1.. and it doesnt get better.. it only gets harder once u meet him and u realize that its sooo wonderful.. then he leaves and you're back to ur lonely self.. i know im probably making it worse with this.. but its the truth... only thing u have is to try to spend as much time as u can with each other.. and look fwd to those few meetings a year..

both of u need to understand that this is wayy harder than any relationship ever.. and if u really want this is because u really mean it.. is it worth it for you?? what about for him?? You have to be honest with each other..

and if he's really that upset and prefers to give up... then maybe it wasnt meant to be... and we'll be here for long distance hugs... but hopefully you guys will work it out.

[fiestydyste]

I can completely understand where you are coming from... in fact, I have been in the same boat. you contemplate if the loneliness and distance is truly worth the heartache and second guess yourself and how strong your commitment is to each other... even start fights just to get some kind of emotion out of your SO.... I've broken down crying myself asleep at night, even had a panic attack or two because it seems that the long distance will never end, no matter how much we want to be together...

But I will say... no matter how you feel now, the first time you met will erase all feelings of doubt! The trick is to find ways to support each other... and make the goals on visiting... I know it's hard monetary, emotionally, and physically to being separated... but if you can put every ounce of effort into your relationship the rewards are far better...

You are not alone in this struggle... it's been almost 7 months since I've seen my SO-- and sometimes we go a week with out talking to each other cause of his busy schedule--- I just have to remind myself that we will get time to see each other soon... it's the only thing that keeps me going and I love him with all of my heart as he is my soulmate... the one I was meant to be with for the rest of my life!

Stay strong and I wish you all the luck in the world!!!

[bmw96mom]

You are most definitly NOT alone. We all feel insecure at times, some more than others. I've been strong until this week and I started to crack. It happens. The saddness and insecurity I mean. You really do need to talk to him and ask eachother if your relationship is worth the wait. If you assume the worst and he's just overly depressed or stressed are you just going to fullfill that fear by pushing him farther? If you trusted him and supported him through his trials and didn't assume anything until you had facts that there was something else, your insecurity will run it's course and the relationship will end or you two will be stronger because of it. Is he worth your patience? If the answer is yes then give him time. If the answer is no, then you're probably not equally matched. I hope it works out.

[LakayLovesRay]

Thankyou all so much , i am so greatful for the support. <3

[sad_neko_123]

I understand you.

I understand your problem. I met a really sweet guy last year our relationship lasted for 4 months, he broke up with me cause of long distance i wish i can think of a way 2 get back with him i still really love the guy very much! i still have feelings for him :'(

[Rugger]

You are most def. not alone in the fact that you find LDR's hard. I've been in one for 9 + months and it really sucks. All you can really do is talk about it with your SO and try to see them more.

I get really scared sometimes too that he's going to leave. That he's going to find someone close and be happy. It that happened, I couldn't be mad at him. But all that he's done for me, all that he says proves to me that he loves me and would never do that.

[heatherotic]

I don't know what to say, and that bugs me. I wish I had magic words so I could tell you exactly what you need to know to make it work. But I guess the best thing I can tell you is to let him know how much he means to you and see if maybe ya'll can Skype a lot so ya'll can see each other. I really hope ya'll work things out. And if you need someone to vent to or whatever, I'm here.

[Sav88]

I've been through this. My SO broke up with me for a few weeks because of the distance. We planned on meeting but he'd not go through with it, and when we got back together, I just told him I'm coming to see him. I only had to say it once and kept to my word. I threw caution to the wind and we have met and its never been better. Its always best to meet in person when you can, because you both realise what you really have.

[Sav88]

Okay change of answer, you posted another thread not long ago saying he cheated on you. Okay, he's breaking up with you, because he can't handle distance and also can't keep it in his pants. You need to be a bit stronger within yourself and move on. He's not worth it love! You deserve better and stop feeling sorry for him, he's not feeling sorry for you.

[8983MilesofLove]

And breatheeee
It's ok. I used to do this all the time with my SO - I would constantly say 'I can't do this anymore', but as soon as I said it I knew it was a mistake because already I felt heartbroken and knew I couldn't live without him! I made really rash decisions and didn't think before I spoke/acted...which is probably what your SO is doing.
I learnt how much this hurt my SO and now whenever I feel upset or 'I can't do this', I take some time out, have a bath, think, and then call him and talk everything through.
I know in my heart that I never want to be apart from him, and I know now that no matter what happens, I will never 'break up' with him again because I know I never mean it, and it's just plain cruel to him! He doesn't deserve that.

Your SO will probably just need some time to do what I do now, think things through and learn to not make such rash and hurtful decisions. It will come in time, don't worry. Until then you have us to vent to and turn to