so was this a mistake?

[rivi87]

alright so last night after basketball I was half asleep and drugged up on pain meds when he called. We havent been getting along the best lately. We started talking about the bar and I asked him what are his guidelines my actions at the bar? as in what would be considered cheating. Keep in mind I have been a very outgoing and friendly by nature all my life and tend to like to talk to people. He was not happy about this at all and asked how I could ask him that. So long story short I want to know was I outta line by asking that....He's now very hung up on it and I hate it when this happens... any input will be acceptable...thanks!

[snow_girl]

I think by asking him, he may have gotten the impression that maybe you thought you crossed the line at a bar. Does that make sense? Its kind of a loaded question that would put a red flag in the mind or the person being asked.
I think its good to know what your SO is and isn't comfortable with you doing but if all of the sudden my SO asked what was okay for him to do at a bar I might question why he is asking and what he did or is planning to do at the bar.

[Deleted Account]

well i have been like you too.. but with my relationship now my bf gets really jealous.. the bottom line is.. whats more important him or your friends? and i know its really hard.. for me at least it was.. but i love him a lot and i dont like to make him suffer.. so i've just decided to really.. and i mean REALLY restrict my going out with friends and stuff... i hardly go out.. in fact i think the last time i did was on november.. and before that february.. so.. yeah..

My bf believes that when u're in a relationship is inappropriate to go out to bars and nightclubs and stuff.. by yourself.. particularly if your going with friends in which some may be of the opposite gender. And my dad also said that i really shouldnt do that... so.. i felt like maybe he's right...

He says that eventho you might not be going out looking for a relationship.. a lot of men at the bar generally are.. and he would be very jealous if i was dancing with one of them etc.. or maybe got a bit drunk and did something i shouldnt have... or one of them took advantage of it too...

...so yeah.. better to be safe than sorry..

also keep in mind that this is a long distance relationship, im sure if he was with u, he'd be glad to go with u to the bar.. but he's not there with you so... you cant really treat it like it doest matter.. another thing is.. how would u feel if he did it?

[rivi87]

Thanks for the input so far. In all honesty I'm not a particuarly jealous person. I know that he is very loyal and I would not go any further. I had a previous bf that knew that I flirted with guys and was ok with it. So it's just that he's the total opposite. I just wanted to know if I am put in the situation where some guy starts talking to me what do I do in that situation..thats all..but he just ran with it...we are going to talk soon and I dont think I can convince him...he's very concerned about me finding someone else when he deploys...and I dunno what to do...

[snow_girl]

I think if he has some trust/jealousy issues, weather or not you talk to guys he will think you are going to find someone else. There is no harm in talking to guys, just know where to stop when it starts getting inappropriate.

[Brandie]

I don't think it's bad that you brought it up, maybe not the best way to say it, but it's important to know what the "rules" are when each of you go out. If he is uncomfortable talking about it, then I think there might be some communication issues with the trust. I would just talk to him about it more, and try to get across to him that you just want both of you to be on the same page when it comes to going out.