Everything seems to be getting much more difficult...sigh help please.

[sheiswoah2010]

So my boyfriend and I have been dating 15 months (today actually)
In the past 15 months we've dated we've always been an hour apart getting to see each other maybe once or twice a week.
Lately it seems with the start of his new job working 11-8 and me going to school and work we see each other once a week and probably one argument breaks out.
2 weeks ago for example we got into a huge blow out because I just wanted to spend time with him but he wanted to sleep instead. Tonight was the same thing I felt very lonely and missed him a lot and just wanted to talk because I knew he would try like always. But he choose sleep once again.
I'm started to feel very isolated almost like we're drifting apart. Has anybody else had this happen before? How do I cope or should we just call it quits?

[LadyMarchHare]

Did he have a busy day or needed to be up early the next day to warrant him to sleep instead of spending time with you? I've had my guy take naps on his rare days off and never come back online and while it does frustrate me, I understand that sometimes catching up on sleep is more important than talking to someone for a little longer.

If you feel like he's not giving you adequate attention, perhaps ask for so many hours with him either daily or weekly, whatever fits both your schedules so that he knows he has to stay up a few minutes longer and not just run off to bed. Personally I wouldn't end a 15 month relationship because the guy's tired or is becoming a bit distant. That's like ripping off your entire fingernail when your nail chips. Buff it, cut it back a little, and voila. Just try and communicate to him that you feel isolated and that you would like to feel like you're important to him and not something he can take for granted. Basically just talk it out and try to be understanding and not accuse him of anything as pointing the finger usually makes people less inclined to open up emotionally.

[sheiswoah2010]

thanks for the advice. And I do understand that he has long days and such and really all that I ask is for 15 minutes of his time a night so I can at least get some good conversation ya know? To answer your question no he didn't have a busy day planned except for paintball which he does every weekend saturday even when I have days off I suggest for me to come and watch but it doesn't even phase him. Just its getting frustrating on my end that he says he misses me and wants to spend time with me but he ends up doing things that do the opposite. I brought up one time and he beat me down with the words "all you do is think about yourself and not me" (far from true because I always ask if I'm being too much)

[LadyMarchHare]

Hmn. I think what may be going on is he's unaware of the bouts of selfishness he's having in regards to how his free time is spent. I understand it's important in any relationship to have "me" time and time with friends, but there needs to be a fair balance between it and time together, especially if one person feels they're being pushed aside and ostracized. As my guy put it once, it's normal to think about yourself more than others because you're always around yourself and more aware of what you want than what others want. Humans are, by nature, selfish creatures. It's merely a matter of how much selfishness they allow to show. Perhaps try asking him how he would feel if the tables were turned and you were the one always off gallivanting and cutting short the precious minutes you have together despite saying you missed him? If you could get him to see things from your standpoint, that may clear up a bit of it. If not and he claims you're selfish, tell him to make a list of how you're selfish and do the same for him. Either way I think he needs to see that you're not asking him to cut off contact with the world to be with you at all hours, you're merely asking that he spend a little time with you and, whether indirectly or directly, reassure you that you matter to him.

[theoryofredice]

O man I've been there especially over the sleep thing. I feel like sometimes people get really comfortable in the relationship, and they know they care about you so they don't understand why you need to talk to you every night. And honestly they are most likely just tired.
Defiantly talk to him about how your feeling, he seems to be having a difficult time adjusting to the new job and balancing everything in his life, sleep, friends, and you. And again people get comfortable and sometimes the relationship is the easiest one to lack at.
I hope things work out.
Good luck

[sheiswoah2010]

Thank you both for your helpful advice. We got into another huge argument last night over the same thing that I just wanted a little time with him and he didn't want to give. I see your points with how he lacks the ability to balance because him being any only child in some cases (this being the biggest) they just don't know how to share there space or balance it for that matter. It never really became obvious to me until I read both of your advice and it clicked. We found the root of it that he is just nervous that he isn't going to make it in his job. I explained how I felt I was being pushed aside. Hopefully things will work out. Thanks again for your advice I'll keep that in mind