He Cheated.

[LakayLovesRay]

if you dont understand , read the thread i posted earlier,


he lied to me , he felt to guilty to tell me the truth so he was gonna break up with me insteaad of tell me.

he said he wanted to date the girl he hooked up with .
it broke my heart ,

and he left .


he called back an hour later.
saying he messed up , and he was weak , he knows our love is worth more then anything and anyone , he promised it will never happen again , and hes getting on the bus right now coming to make it up to me .


im torn ..
i know he cheated and i should leave him because its wrong.

but hes getting on the bus right now , proving his love to me .

what do i do ?

[LadyMarchHare]

Well, it's up to you. Your trust has been broken and so now you have to decide if it's worth going through the trials of him regaining that trust (which will take time, not just this on-a-whim visit) or if you feel this incident marks him for life and he is no longer worth your time or affection.

Personally if it were me I would not take him back nor forgive him to absolve the sin. It takes me a long time to trust people and when you have my trust, you basically have an unwritten promise that I'd literally kill someone for you. That's a deep trust. To have it broken is like spitting in my face and then telling me "oops." There is no "oops", you spat on me and you meant to.

Really having him prefer leaving you than admit he screwed up says volumes to me. For all anyone knows the only reason he caved and told you was because he missed someone giving a rat's ass about him and not what's in his pants or his wallet.

[Heather]

To me, it sounds like he is sincerely sorry and really does love you and wants to prove that to you, but at the same time that is for YOU to decide.

I know from experience that cheating is a really difficult thing to get past in a relationship, SOMETIMES it's almost impossible. You have to fully be able to forgive that person deep in your heart and with it obviously breaking the trust, you have to learn to gain that back. At the same time, he has to be willing to prove it to you and show that you can trust him, especially in a LDR that can be extremely difficult.

I'm worried about the fact that he said he wanted to date the girl that he cheated with. Is she a local girl? Could it continue without you knowing? Sometimes people like to have that "other person". How far do you live from each other? You need to really sit down and think about everything, don't rush into it. I would say from this point forward, baby steps are key. Cheating is a big thing to go through in a relationship, like I said especially in a LDR it can be a bit more difficult. Keep your head up and protect yourself. The last thing you want to do is throw yourself under the bus.


*Hugs* We're all here for you, that's what LFAD is all about. Good luck <3


Edit: going back and reading the other thread, again. A big red flag that I saw there was the fact that he said he is weak. That's never a good sign, it's okay to be weak in certain areas or with certain things, but to say that you are weak and then confess that you cheated, whoa.. red flag all over that. I'd be afraid it would happen again. I can't tell you, not to let him come and to leave him, end the relationship now because that's not my place or business. I can't tell you to stay with him either. In the end, it's completely up to you. But please, do what's best for you and the relationship. I don't want to see you get hurt and end up regretting it. Life is too short to put up with bull crap! I know you love him, and this is difficult for you but take time on it, think everything out before making a decision.

[Renee]

There is never an excuse for cheating.
I know from experience that when someone cheats on you, you feel like you need to doubt everything. The thing is, sometime people really do make mistakes. I doubt he's going to ask you to forgive him right away, but he probably just doesn't want to lose you.
When I found out my SO cheated on me (we're still together and we have been over a year since this has happened) I couldn't even listen to anything he said, I was so mad. We took a break, I told him I needed time to think and to not worry about how he felt about anything.

You need to focus on you. Figure out how you really feel about the situation and how you feel about him. How you feel should be your top priority, don't feel guilty, you didn't do anything wrong. Don't be pressured to take him back.

[uniquefem]

Once my grandmother told me that 3 kind of guys that i should avoid: 1. player/cheater 2. Gambler/addicted to gambling 3. Having problem with alcohol.

Having trust issue in normal relationship is already a big matters. In LDR its the breathe of the relationship it self. The trust just like a sheet of papers, once its crumbled, it will never go back like it was before! no matter how hard you think positively abut him, or how he change there will be lots of time when you doubt him.

Also.. geeez i hate it when men said they are weak. Its just the same way to say: i dont want to be strong for you or for our relationship.

This is what the cheater do over and over when they did mistakes, they did it and they will beg for forgiveness again. I know its sooo unfair to be so strict like this.. and i know very well its too hard to listen to what i just wrote above.

The decision is on your hand, if you want to give him another chance, just go ahead, you could forgive him.. but sweety.. forgetting is another thing be strong and believe in what your head and heart say (btw thats why God put the head above the heart, so you could think first rationally before you follow what your heart said).

Good luck!

[Silencedsongs]

Oh, gosh... I felt horrible reading that. =/

Everyone has already stated pretty much what I was going to. I just want to stress, that you do not have to make decisions right away. When he shows up, do what you need to do for yourself. Take time away from him if you need too, but don't make any decisions too soon. It sounds like you just found out, and honestly - most of the time if you let things simmer a little it will help you think more clearly about what it is you need and want.

[Deleted Account]

oh man... in ur situation.. i dont think i'd ever be able to get over that...

i wouldn't feel safe with a long distance relationship with him again. Every minute he's away i'd wonder if he's with her... no no no no no

this is really hard... it honestly has to come down to how you feel.. hear him out.. and see if he's really sorry... honestly when u posted that msg earlier.. my alarms immediately went off.. but i thought maybe i was wrong... i guess i wasnt afterall... The things he told u.. reminded me of my ex but my ex didnt cheat on me.. he was just an asshole...

In any case.. my advice for you is.. hear him out.. make sure that what he tells you sounds honest and sincere enough.. really fish for sincerity..

and take this time that his making his way to you to decide if you think taking a break to cool off would be good or not... a lot of it also depends on what he tells u. If you think u want to continue.. just make sure he tells u everything... because 1 lie.. or 1 hidden truth that you find out.. could make things worse. at this point.. trust is broken.. and only honesty and sincerity can build it up again.. but it takes time...

Also at some points in life.. a person needs to be selfish.. and stop thinking about other ppl... so put urself first. Dont let him get you with "i was the victim" sort of thing..

also think.. is it worth to keep up a long distance relationship when he broke ur trust? is he really worth it?

[Rugger]

Sweetie, I'm so sorry to hear that this happened to you. Cheating is possibly the worst thing you can do to the person you love. I don't know if I could give my SO a second chance


It's entirely your choice in this. If you think you can forgive him, then by all means stay with hims. Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater isn't true with some people. My suggestion though it to get back together on a trial basis, just to see if you can handle it

[sheraccoon]

Aw hun, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's the last thing I want to hear from anyone. -internet hugs-

Whether or not he's genuinely sorry, he betrayed your trust, and trust is the foundation of all relationships. I trust my SO not to do anything that will break my heart, and he knows I trust him. I know he won't betray that trust, but things can always happen. Ultimately, the decision whether to give him another chance lies with you. You might be able to forgive, but you definitely won't forget, or it's really hard to forget. In the end, it's your life you have to live. If you're comfortable with giving it another go, then you should. But like others have told you, you don't have to decide then and there. You can listen to his side of his story, but time is always good to have when making such a big decision. After you've had time to simmer down, think about the situation, it'll be a lot easier to weigh your feelings.

Whatever it is, don't make a rash decision, and think through it. I hope you'll be happy with the decision that you'll make, and I wish you all the best! Don't forget that it's what YOU want, not what HE wants. <3

[BabyGund]

You two need to sit down and talk. And talk. And talk some more.

I know you feel like you love him so much that you cannot breathe without him. But that kind of love takes trust, a trust which he has broken.

In CD, you can keep more of an eye on him, to see for yourself he is making the changes you have discussed. In LD, that's impossible - again, you'd need that trust and it would be broken.

Good luck.

[Miramaid]

What happened with you guys? Did you forgive him How are you going to overcome this?

[paulawriteslove]

I am so sorry this happened to you. When you see him, take things very slow and think things through. You're going to be on a high when you see him in person but try to take things slow. Best of luck!

[Mizpah]

I don't know if I could move past something like that, especially in an LDR where safety and trust are two are the things that keep it alive, not just love.
*hugs* I am sorry that you are faced with this, but I think you need some time to think, and that you'll be too pressured to make a solid decision if he's hopping on a bus to come and see you. I think you should tell him to wait, and give you some time and space. I realize that this post is a few days old so he could very well be there right now. Still, give yourself time to process before making any decisions. I wish you the best.